“You know what, babe?” Jen said. “I think you’re right.” She stuck out her arms. “Are these hives?” Sure enough, blotches of red marred her skin. “Shit. I might be having an allergic reaction. What was on the pizza?”
“Nothing you haven’t eaten a thousand times,” Darius said.
“Where was it from?”
“The sketchy place down the block.”
Jen let her head flop back on the couch. Darius glanced at Josh. “You have an Epi-Pen, right? Just in case?”
Josh nodded. “Benadryl, too.” Lauren had been on so many medications that the doctor had prescribed an Epi-Pen preemptively, in case of an allergic reaction, since a compromised airway was not something they needed.
Ken saw this as a great segue. “Interesting that you bring up food allergies, Jen—Jenny, if I may?”
“You may not.”
Josh felt the stir of laughter in his stomach.
“So, Jen, if you drank VitaKetoMaxo, hives would never be a problem. Ever. Food allergies would never be a problem. VitaKetoMaxo is known to cure all food allergies and eliminate the need for vaccines.”
“Oh, my Jesus,” Sarah said, closing her eyes.
“Can I have the scientific data on that?” Josh asked. “Three reputable sources, please.”
Ken didn’t pause. “It’s a proven fact that VitaKetoMaxo users live longer and healthier.” He turned to Josh, his blue eyes wide and earnest. “In fact, I’m guessing that if your wife had used VitaKetoMaxo, she never would have—”
And then Josh must’ve moved from the couch, because he had Obi-Wan Kenobi by his bony, long throat and was dragging him to the door and everything was going red. “Get the fuck out of my house,” he said, opening the door and shoving him out. Josh went back, shoved the laptop into Ken’s computer bag, threw them out into the hallway, then slammed the door.
The quick brown fox. The quick brown fox. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
The red began to evaporate. Josh’s heart was thudding.
The other three were silent.
“I’m very, very sorry,” Sarah said eventually. “I had no idea.”
“I definitely have hives,” Jen said.
“Probably too much red wine, baby,” Darius said.
“Benadryl is in the bathroom,” Josh said. He looked around. “But aside from the dog eating our dinner, and your hives, Jen, and the shitty pizza and the sales pitch, how’s everyone doing?”
Darius started laughing, and then so did Jen, and then Sarah.
Josh felt himself almost smiling. He’d forgotten he could make people laugh from time to time. In another minute, he managed a smile. After a second, he even laughed, the sound rusty from neglect.
The first time he’d laughed since Lauren had died.
9
Lauren
Eleven months left
March 13
Dear Dad,
I was in the hospital again. Ugh. Right before my second anniversary, too. Just for three days this time, but I definitely know the staff by now. I had pneumonia, which is not good.
Here’s an insider secret: Being sick is really boring. Boring to live, boring to discuss, boring to hear about, and yet everyone asks. Everyone. “You look too pretty to be in here!” said the guy taking me to a chest X-ray. “What’s the matter with you, honey?”
So I told him, like I tell everyone. I’m a walking advocate for idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis research, education and treatment. I can recite facts in my sleep. Then there are the other sick people I see. Most of them are older, and I think I make them feel good about themselves. “At least I’m eighty! That poor girl over there isn’t even thirty!”
The worst thing is to see the sick kids. If I could donate the time I have left to them, I’d do it, Dad. I’d do it in a heartbeat.
Sorry to be a downer today. I seem to have the blues.
Miss you, Pop.
Lauren
“We should take a vacation,” Lauren said. She was itchy and scratchy, still irritable that she’d had to go to the hospital again. “Maybe somewhere tropical and warm, since we didn’t do anything for our anniversary.”
“We could go back to Hawaii,” he suggested. “Rent the same house.”
It seemed so long ago, their honeymoon. That carefree time when she thought an inhaler could cure her, when they talked about baby names and learning to scuba dive and how they’d come back to Kauai for their twenty-fifth anniversary to renew their vows.
She didn’t want to taint that beautiful place with her sickness.
“Let’s go somewhere different,” she said brightly. “The Caribbean, maybe? I’ve never been. And the flight’s a lot shorter.”
“Whatever you want, honey.” He squeezed her hand, and she squeezed back. Lucky. She was damn lucky.
That’s my girl, she could almost hear her father say. That’s my girl.
* * *
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN the trip to Hawaii and the trip to Turks and Caicos was the oxygen. In Hawaii, they had been a gorgeous couple on their honeymoon; here, they were That Tragic Couple. Oh, the looks, or overly kind faces, and yes, even tears her mere appearance brought on! So young! So attractive! The horror, the horror, etc.
Josh had chosen a spectacular resort filled with stone pathways and tropical gardens, a spa and five-star restaurants. The sky was impossibly blue, and the turquoise water so clear they could see a turtle from fifty feet away. Their villa had a living room, covered porch, and a bedroom with an enormous bed. First things first—put that bed to good use, and Lauren wasn’t talking about a nap.
They walked slowly down the beach afterward, her long pink summery dress blowing, a big straw hat on her head—redheads were cursed when it came to the sun. Her oxygen was in her leather bag, and if you didn’t look closely, you might not notice the cannula in her nose.
For a little while, she wouldn’t notice it, either. She’d notice the soft sand and hot sun, her husband’s hand in hers, the brush of her dangly earrings on her shoulders. She’d listen to the birds and figure out how to go snorkeling tomorrow.
That evening, they chose one of the restaurants on the resort property. There was a huge terrace scattered with tables, candles and flowers everywhere. They got a table overlooking the garden and the ocean beyond, and ignored the pitying yet encouraging looks that said, Good for you, eating even though you’re sick! Aren’t you brave!