She reaches out and touches my face, her finger tracing across my cheekbone. “I can agree with that sentiment. I’ve always thought you had the most beautiful face.”
“Me?” I say with a laugh.
“Yeah, even as a kid you were cute. And now that you’re all grown-up, damn, Chase. And this morning, I was looking at your modeling portfolio. All those shirtless photos might have had me drooling.”
I reach behind my back and pull my shirt up and over my head, taking it off.
“Hey,” she says.
“What? You want to drool over me, I’d much prefer for it to happen in person. Although maybe no actual drooling. You do that when you sleep. It’s kind of cute, but—”
She smacks my hard bicep. “Chase! I do not drool.”
I kiss the top of her nose. “Oh, but you do.”
“Stop flirting with me, or we’re never going to get through this.”
I pull her up onto my lap. “That’s okay with me.”
She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me. A lot.
But when I slide my tongue in her mouth to deepen the kiss, she pulls back. “Not until we finish.”
I grab her ass and leave my hands there. “You’d better read fast then.”
She lets go of me, slides off my lap, and says, “Chase, this is your life. It’s serious. Don’t you find it interesting? The devastation your father must have felt when he thought he’d lost your mom? When he thought he’d lost you? This is the kind of love most girls dream about. And you’re really lucky that your parents are still crazy about each other. And you.”
I take a cleansing breath, trying to calm myself down. What can I say? Dani gets me so worked up.
“Plus,” she adds, “giving you this today, on your birthday, is really pretty cool.” She looks down again and starts reading. “I’ve been holding you and feeding you until your mom is able to. And staring in wonder at your ten perfect fingers, ten perfect toes, and the cute little way you ball your fists up before you start crying. It’s been killing your grandparents, but I won’t let anyone else hold you until she has. She went through a lot to bring you into this world, and she deserves that honor.
“And I’ve been telling you all about her. About how she’s been writing in this journal. About how she couldn’t wait to meet you. About how much she loves you.
“When your mom and I were young, we’d lie in a hammock and stare up at the stars. We’d talk about how infinitely big the universe was and how small we were in comparison. Your mom once told me that she felt small compared to how big our love felt. I didn’t completely understand what she meant that day, but I certainly do now. The love I feel for the two of you is almost overwhelming, like the size of the universe.” Dani looks up at me, tears in her eyes again. “I feel that way about you sometimes. That our love is too much for me right now.”
“I disagree, but I get what you’re saying. We have a lot of life left to live. What if you meet someone you love more? Like at college?” The words tumble out of my mouth, saying all the things I’ve been thinking and stressing over.
What if she meets someone else? What if she falls for someone who is not me? Like, really falls for them. Her dating guys who everyone clearly knew weren’t for her is one thing. Her being with a guy we all like, who respects her and she loves, would be a whole other thing entirely. And I am not sure I could handle it.
“Heard a lot about that in rush. Some girls actually somehow researched the hottest frat guys on campus and then decided which sorority they most wanted in based on their relationship with said frat.”
“Wow, that’s a commitment.” I laugh.
“Yeah, the kind that starts with a Miss and ends up with you having a different last name.”
“Come on, Dani. It’s the twenty-first century. Surely, girls aren’t there just to get their Mrs. Degree.”
“I think some might be hoping to achieve both,” she says with a laugh. “Speaking of married couples—Your mom has a special charm bracelet, and I sent my dad out to buy her a diamond star, so she’ll always know we feel the same way about her. When she wakes up, we’ll give it to her together.
“I love you, Chase Michael Mackenzie, and I know your mommy can’t wait to meet you. And as soon as she finds out you’re a boy, she’ll probably tell me she told me so. Sleep well, my precious baby boy. All my love, Daddy.”
And I will admit, what my dad just said there really gets to me. I remember the days when I called him Daddy and not just Dad. And I know my mom still wears that bracelet every single day. I know I’ve spent my life wanting to get bigger, stronger, older, so I could be better, stronger, faster, but his words have me looking back. At the life my parents have given me. The love.
“Well, one down, one to go,” Dani says, picking up another page. “This one is from your mom. Dear Chase Michael Mackenzie. My perfect, sweet baby boy. We’re still in the hospital. Your dad is taking a nap, and I’ve got your uncle Danny’s football game on, but mostly, I’m watching you sleep in my arms. You’re making the cutest little faces as you dream, and I can’t wait until the day you smile at me for real. I wish my parents were here to see you, but I know for sure that they are watching over us.”
“I can’t imagine having my first baby and not having our parents there, can you?” I say.
Dani shakes her head. “I really can’t. Your mom and I talked a little bit in the Ozarks about when her parents died. How your dad was the one who got her through it all. I felt that way about you when my parents were getting a divorce. I knew if I could hold on to you, hold your hand, my world wouldn’t completely crumble. And I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you for that. Seriously, Chase, I don’t know what I would have done.”
“I’m glad I could help,” I say sincerely.
“There’s something I want you to always remember. You and I could have had a very different outcome. We’re both lucky to be alive. I’ll be thankful for every single day I get to spend with you. And something else I know. You are destined for greatness. I don’t know what you’ll do or be, but I know it as surely as I feel my own heartbeat. And I’m going to do everything I can to prepare you for it. All my love, Mommy.”
I look up at Dani. Her face is as emotional as mine.
She leans in and gives me a single sweet kiss. “I’m really glad you and your mom made it through all that, Chase.”
I want to tell her that when she’s in my arms, I’m really glad, too. And I am. But I also realize something else, too. “My mom read a little from the journal before she gave this to me. And she said she wanted me to know that, sometimes, life wouldn’t always go the way I planned it. And sometimes, tragedy could strike when I least expected it. But sometimes, life could be even more incredible than I ever imagined.”
She nods her head. “All the more reason why we need to stop acting like kids over what happened between us, right?”
“Right,” I say, wrapping her in my arms and pulling her into a tight hug.
If I had known.
Devaney