“I’m not. At all. I’ve been really nice to Eddie.”
I let out a frustrated sigh. “To me, not him.”
“Well, that’s probably because, right now, I don’t like you very much. How could you bring a boyfriend into my house and not have the decency to tell me? What? You thought it would be fun to just surprise me?”
“So, is that how friends with benefits works for you? I’m not allowed to date anyone else even though you are?”
“You really don’t get it, do you?” he says, and then he walks away.
With my ring in his hand.
Friday, November 29th
Want you to be happy.
Devaney
On Friday, the Mackenzie and Diamond families along with our grandparents and, of course, Eddie fly up to Lincoln for the game.
By the end of the first quarter, I’m ready to leave. I feel like I’m suffocating. I just want to go back to my little dorm and cry.
Eddie stays in the box until the first touchdown and then wants to go sit with his frat brothers. And probably get a drink. Honestly, I wouldn’t blame him. This break has been a roller coaster of feelings, and I’m not off the ride yet.
I give everyone hugs and kisses, especially my little sisters. I hold them tight, feeling like I might never see them again.
I hug Haley and Damon last, and then Chase grabs my hand and pulls me outside. He looks as bad as I feel, and I know the emotional toll that’s been this weekend is affecting him, too.
“I need to say something before you go,” he says.
I don’t reply, just give him a curt nod, knowing if I speak, I’ll probably fall to pieces.
I expect him to yell at me, so I’m surprised when he pulls my dream ring out of his pocket, slides it on my finger, and says, “Just because we’re not together doesn’t mean that our dreams can’t still come true. I love you, Dani, and at this point, I just want you to be happy. If Eddie is that guy, so be it.”
His gaze meets mine, emotions moving in waves across his face.
“I just don’t understand why you’ve been such a jerk about it though. Especially when you’re still sleeping with Lacey.”
He grabs my chin, so I have to look him in the eye.
“Because I’m not, Dani. I haven’t slept with anyone but you since my birthday. You know how your dad talks about the perfect pass, that moment when everything goes right, how the second the ball leaves your fingertips, you know it’s going to reach its intended destination? And when you throw those kinds of passes, you know they are rare. Because no matter how hard you try to throw it perfectly every time you let go of the ball, there are other factors involved—getting rushed, having to scramble, broken plays. And even though, in those situations, you can usually successfully connect with a receiver, it doesn’t feel the same. I could successfully connect with other girls, Dani, but I’m smart enough to know it wouldn’t feel the same. You are my perfect pass.” He stops, lets out a ragged breath, and then says, “Or at least, you were.”
Tears fill my eyes as I slide my hand over his heart.
He kisses my forehead tenderly, says, “Bye, Dani,” and goes back into the suite.
What I have to do.
Chase
It’s a Friday night. After a game.
We’re back home from Nebraska, not my game, but still.
I look at the tent, still sitting in the corner of my room, sadly waiting for the weekend that never came.
I grab my phone.
Order pizza.
Eat it in the tent alone.
And I know what I have to do.
Tuesday, December 3rd
Can’t do it.
Chase
On Saturday, we’ll be competing for the state championship. I should be focused on the game, but really, something has been weighing heavily on my mind.
I talked to my dad about it before Thanksgiving, and I did what he’d suggested—thought about it and did not make a rash decision.
Because it was a big decision.
One I made last Friday night in the tent.
The one that I need to tell Damon about.
When I get over to their house, I find his dad at the kitchen island, eating a snack.
“Hey, Uncle Danny,” I say. “Damon upstairs?”
“He just ran to the store to pick up something for Jennifer. Should be right back.”
“Cool,” I say.
“You want some cinnamon apples?” he asks me.
Normally, I would say yes. I love those things, but right now, I’m feeling a little nauseous.
“Ah, no, thanks. I just ate.”
“Ready for the big game this weekend?”
“Yeah, and how about you? I heard you are going to be in the booth for some upcoming bowl games. You ready for that?”
“I hope so,” he says. “I’m thinking about taking Damon with me to a few. Thought it might be fun for him to see behind the scenes—”
I frown and interrupt him, “With all due respect, sir, you should take Dani. You know what she wants to do for a living, right?”
“She’s never really said. Just that she wanted to major in journalism.”
“She wants to be a sideline reporter. For football. It’s her dream.”
Danny narrows his eyes and looks torn between being confused and touched. “Really? That would be incredible. She certainly knows the game well enough.”
“Yeah, she does. She wants to apply for an internship at a sports network this summer, but she sort of didn’t want to tell you.”
“But why not? I could help her.”
“I think maybe she wants to do it on her own. I think it’s kind of like when she went through rush. She initially thought she would cut the one she was a legacy to because she didn’t want to get in because of that. She wanted them to like her, not feel compelled to take her because of family.”
“She’s a lot like me, isn’t she?” her dad says. “Wants to forge her own path.”
I nod. “She’s your biggest fan. And she has always wanted you to be proud of her.”
We hear the garage door open, and I add, “Please don’t tell her I told you.”
“I won’t. And, Chase, thank you. I will ask her.”
Damon comes in the house and puts the food away, and then I follow him downstairs. He used to have a game room upstairs, but with the addition of his little sisters, that room got made into a nursery, and the game room got relocated to the home theater. Which is better anyway because no one’s little ears can hear us cursing when we get blown up.
He starts the game, but I quickly pause it and turn to him.
“I can’t do it,” I finally say the words out loud to him. “I can’t go to Nebraska anymore. I’m sorry. I totally understand if you still want to go.”
“Because of my sister?” he asks.
“Because of me. I just can’t be there with her. I need to be able to focus on playing. On getting to the pros, going high in the draft. I can’t do that there. Where she is. I love her. And I just”—my voice cracks—“can’t.”