Don’t ask me how I know, but it’s a feeling, one that I will stand behind when my daughter is old enough for me to tell her about the man with hazel eyes who gave me the greatest gift in the world.
Her.
“You doing okay, Momma?” my best friend asks from the chair beside my bed.
“I’m good,” I assure her. “Thank you for being here with me today.”
“Are you kidding? There’s no way I was missing this.”
“You’ve done so much,” I tell her, tears beginning to form again.
“Stop. You would have done the same thing for me. That’s what best friends are for. Besides, as this little angel’s aunt, I deserve the right to be here,” Shelby says, giving me a watery grin. “Now—” She clears her throat, sitting up straighter in her chair. “Can you finally tell me what you’re naming her?”
I look down at my chest to my sleeping daughter and smile softly. The moment I found out I was having a girl, I knew what I was naming her. However, I kept it to myself. I told Shelby that I needed to see her first, something I’ve heard other mothers say—at least from what I’ve read on the blogs I follow.
“Hazel. Her name is Hazel Marie.” My voice cracks and my heart swells with love.
“Hazel Eyes.” Shelby nods in understanding.
“Yeah. I took her father from her, and I want her to have a piece of him. That’s all I know about him to give her, and Marie, as you know, is my middle name. She has a piece of both of us.”
“I love it.” She reaches across the bed and gives my arm a gentle squeeze. “For the record, you didn’t take her father from her. You don’t know what would have happened that next morning. You also had no idea that this little sweetie was created that night. You’re doing the best that you can. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
I nod. I don’t agree with her because I will forever live with the regret of walking away. I was a coward. I was inexperienced, and the feelings that he awoke in me that night, they had my mind racing and my heart aching to never let go. I knew that wasn’t what our night was, so I fled. I regret leaving, but I will never regret my night with him and my daughter. She’s my everything.
“You sure you don’t need me to stay with you for a while?” Shelby asks.
“No, but thank you. You need to keep living your life, and I need to learn how to live mine as a single mother.”
“It’s okay to ask for help.”
“Oh, trust me, I will.” I chuckle. “You’re going to wish that you lived in a different apartment building.”
“Never. I don’t care what time it is. If you need me, you call me.”
I nod. “Thank you, Shelby. I don’t think I could have done this without you.”
She swallows hard and nods. “So, is the plan still that Thea is going to watch her for you?”
“Yes. She’s excited to bring in some extra income since Scott is the only one working. He insists that she raise Clint, and they not put him in daycare.”
“Phew.” Shelby fans herself. “That man of hers is intense, and finnneee.” She drags out the word.
“That he is,” I agree. “Thea’s going to have her hands full with Clint and this little one, but she assures me she can handle it, and I trust her.”
“I do too. She’s good people. They both are.”
“I agree. However, Clint will be four months by the time I go back to work, and Hazel six weeks, so she’s definitely going to be exhausted at the end of the day.”
“You sure you don’t want to take more time?”
“I do, but I don’t have the time to take. I’d barely started when I told them I was pregnant. I’m lucky they didn’t fire me. My only saving grace is that they do offer up to six weeks paid leave, so I’m not going without money.”
“That’s going to be a hard day.”
“Yeah,” I agree, my heart already breaking just a little at the thought of leaving my little girl when I go back to work.
“Knock, knock,” the nurse says. “Time to see if we can get this little one to eat.”
“I’m going to take a walk. I’ll be back.” Shelby stands and leans in for a hug, placing a kiss on Hazel’s head. “Love you,” she says softly before standing and leaving the room.
With the help of the nurse, Hazel latches on right away, and as I watch her, I can’t help but wonder if there is another way I can find him. Maybe I could hire a private investigator. Not that I have the money to do that. Sure, I make a good living, but I’m doing it all on my own, and babies are expensive. Maybe I’ll start saving, and when I have enough, I’ll try to find him. I owe that to both of them.
I want my daughter, our daughter, to have more than just my memories of her father. I just hope if I do find him, that my gut is right, and he accepts her in his life. I know what it’s like not to have loving parents, and I don’t want that for my little girl.
Chapter Four
Trevin
Three months later
It’s been over a year since I’ve been home to see my parents and my sister. Twelve long months since I’ve stepped foot in this town. When I accepted the job as plant manager for the Lexington branch of Riggins Enterprises, I knew it would take me away from my family, but the pay and the opportunity were too good to pass up. When I visited a year ago, I was missing home and was ready to ask for a transfer or give it all up. After I woke up in the hotel room alone, I couldn’t leave this town and the ghost of her memory fast enough.
That night still haunts me. Every other memory is her, my dream girl, who seems more and more like a figment of my imagination as time passes by. The memory of that night hasn’t faded over the last year, which is what has kept me away. However, I can’t hide forever, as my sister, so eloquently reminded me when she handed me my ass for not coming to visit my nephew. He was born around Christmas, and the family came to my place in Lexington. That was five months ago, and I’ve been summoned. I miss my family, so it’s time to face my memories and stop being a coward.
The reality is, she was a woman I knew for a matter of hours. I shouldn’t be letting her keep me from the people I love.
“You all packed?” Mom asks, standing in the doorway of my childhood bedroom.
“Yeah. You know your daughter, she insisted I stay with them for a couple of days.”
“She’s always been strong-willed that one,” Mom says wistfully.
“That she has. I’m heading home when I leave her place.”
“Well, try not to make it so long between visits. It’s a three-hour drive from Lexington to Indianapolis.” She gives me a pointed look.
“I know. I’m sorry. I let myself get lost in work. I’ll do better. I promise.”
“Good. Now you better get moving. Your sister is going to be calling and tracking you down, and it’s about an hour to get to her place from here.”
“I have a feeling you and Dad have been taking that drive a lot the past five months.”
“Not as much as I’d like. We’re actually considering moving closer.”