I watch as she stands with our daughter in her arms and carries her to her crib. She places her back on the small mattress and quickly covers herself, much to my dismay. My eyes are glued to Cadence as I watch her kiss the tips of her index and middle fingers and place them on our daughter’s forehead.
“Mommy and Daddy love you,” she whispers, and my heart stops.
“C-Cadence?” She turns to look at me. “Do—” I swallow hard. “Do you tell her that every night?”
“Tell her what?” She tilts her head to the side, and I want nothing more than to trace the slender column of her neck with my lips, but I need to hear her answer first.
“That Mommy and Daddy love her.”
“Oh.” She places her hand over her mouth, and tears well in her eyes. “I’m sorry. It’s a habit, and I know you can tell her now on your own, but I wanted her to know that she was loved, and I knew… something in my gut told me that if you knew about her, you would be in her life, and well, I didn’t have the best childhood. I never wanted her to wonder if she was loved.” She opens her mouth to say something else, but I’m faster. My hand slides behind her neck, and I pull her lips to mine. I kiss her hard as the emotions of her confession wash over me.
At this moment, with our lips pressed together, there is no time between us. No missed moments. It’s just the two of us and the passion that we can’t deny. It doesn’t matter that she left, and it doesn’t matter that I should have told her that it meant more to me than just a night of fun. We’ve both made mistakes, but I don’t want to live in the past. I want to live in the present, with a future that involves the two of us and our baby girl. It’s as if no time has passed as our tongues collide.
“I want you,” I whisper against her lips.
“Bedroom.”
Not needing any further invitation, I lift her in my arms and carry her across the hall to her bedroom. As soon as her feet hit the floor, she’s raising her arms in the air. I waste no time pulling the small tank over her head, allowing her full breasts to spill out. My mouth waters needing them in my mouth. Bending my head, I suck one hard nipple gently into my mouth. Cadence moans, burying her hands in my hair. With the pad of my thumb, I trace the other, giving it equal attention.
“That’s good,” she moans. “So sensitive.”
“Am I hurting you?” I pull back just far enough to ask.
“No. No. No, don’t stop,” she says, panicked.
“Don’t worry, baby. I’m just getting started,” I assure her, before dropping to my knees and helping her out of the tiny boy shorts she’s wearing.
“Trevin.” There’s something in her voice that has me looking up at her, giving her my full attention. “I’m not— I mean my body. It’s different now,” she says with a wobble of worry in her voice. From the glow of the bedside lamp, I can see the rosy color of embarrassment on her cheeks. Then again, that might be desire. I can’t be sure.
My lips kiss just above her pelvic bone over the pale red stretch mark. “You mean the body that grew and created our daughter? The body that gave her life and still nurtures her. Your body is different, Cadence, but it’s sexy as fuck. I wish I could have seen you. I wish I could have cradled Hazel when she rested here.” My hand roams over her belly. “I wish I could have seen your body grow and change with our daughter.” Resting my forehead against her belly, I wrap my arms around Cadence and hold her tight. The enormity of what I’ve missed catches up to me. Those are memories I’ll never have.
I won’t let the same mistake happen twice. We were both responsible for our pasts, but we are the ones who decide our future. I’m determined never to miss another chance for a memory with either of them. I feel her hands in my hair, and when I peer up at her, I see the silent tears rolling down her cheeks. The sight breaks my heart open. I need her to know, need her to understand that I’m in this. That I’m not going anywhere, and if I do, they’re coming with me.
Standing, I cradle her face in the palm of my hands. “I’m here, Cadence. I’m here, and this is exactly where I want to be. I’m not leaving you. I’m not leaving her. I don’t know what that looks like. There are so many things that we’re going to have to work out, but I want you.” I stare deep into her eyes, willing her to believe me. “I want both of you.”
Moving to stand on the tip of her toes, she presses her lips to mine. I can taste the saltiness of her tears, but that doesn’t stop me from tracing her lips with my tongue. I could kiss her like this every day for the rest of my life, and it wouldn’t be enough. No amount of time with her will ever be enough. When we finally come up for air, I grip her hips and toss her on the bed. She bounces a few times as the sound of her laughter fills the room.
“Is she a light sleeper?” I ask.
“Not at all. I read a book that said to keep doing normal household chores so that the baby will be used to sleeping through noises. We won’t wake her up.”
“Don’t move a muscle. I’ll be right back.” Rushing out of the room and down the hall, I grab my wallet from the coffee table and pull out the single condom that has been there for months. Not wasting time, I head back to her room and hold it up. “It’s been in my wallet for a few months.” I walk toward the lamp so that I can see the expiration date. “But it’s still good.”
Cadence shrugs. “It didn’t work out so well for us the first time.”
“What are you saying?”
“Just that they’re not 100 percent.”
“You telling me I can go bare?” I ask, my voice thick at the mere thought.
“Hazel isn’t ready for a sibling just yet.”
“But if it fails?”
She shrugs. “Then, she gets to be a big sister sooner than later.”
I nod. What I don’t say is that I would be perfectly fine with another baby. Fuck me. I want a house full of tiny humans that we create. I’m not a man who’s said he’s never getting married and didn’t want kids. I’ve just never found a woman I wanted to spend every day of forever with.
Until now.
Now I have two ladies in my life that I’m going to hold onto with everything I have and never let go. After ripping open the condom, I slide it over my length and climb onto the bed, settling where I belong—between her thighs. “We only have one. Unless….” I let the unfinished question hang between us.
“Then we’re going to have to make it count,” she says, draping her arms over my shoulders.
“We are definitely going to make it count.” My lips press to hers, and I do exactly that.
Chapter Seven
Cadence
A crash from somewhere in the apartment wakes me up. I still and listen but hear nothing. Glancing at the clock, I see it’s after eight, and I never sleep this late. Hazel never sleeps this late. Shit. Hazel. I jump out of bed and race to her room. She’s not there. A deep throaty voice comes from the living room, and I follow the sound. Last night comes rushing back to me. Trevin “Hazel Eyes” is here. I tug at the hem of his T-shirt that I’m wearing, and the memory of him moving inside me causes my body to heat.