His father.
Then Tate does something I’m not expecting, nor is my emotionally fragile state prepared for. He bends down and kisses Rowan on the forehead. He looks up and meets my eyes, whispering, “I’m not going anywhere.”
Chapter Five
Tate
I’m torn between wanting to stay in that room and knowing I need to give her privacy.
The thought of someone doing what she’s about to do has always made me a little squeamish. Breasts, I like. Breasts with babies attached to them have never been my thing. Yet, the thought of Ashtyn feeding her son…
My son.
There’s no doubt in my mind now. Not after seeing him in person. He looks a lot like Ashtyn, yet there are other similarities to me too. The chin dimple is a big giveaway, though not a unanimous verdict. The shape of his eyes is Ashtyn, but the color? There’s more gold in those hazel eyes than brown or green. And there’s the shape of his face, which is a little more like mine than his mother’s. When I was holding him, scared I was going to break him somehow, he just sat there and stared back at me. He was wide awake, his attention riveted on me the same as mine was on him. That’s when I felt it.
Pride.
It was way different than what I feel on the football field after throwing a perfect spiral into the hands of an awaiting receiver. Better than all those times the coach praised me in the locker room for a job well done. Even greater than every list I’ve topped or award I’ve received, including the Heisman. This comes from somewhere deeper, something with more meaning, and frankly, that shocks the shit out of me.
I’m a basic man. I love football and women.
But the look in that little boy’s eyes made me feel something bigger, something greater than football and women, all rolled into one.
“Hey, everything okay?” Alex asks, propping his feet up on the coffee table, remote in hand.
“Fine,” I tell him, as I sit in the rocker recliner where Alex sat earlier. I sniff and glance around. “It still smells like shit over.”
Alex snorts. “You weren’t the one covered in it. I just threw the shirt away. Thank God I still had my carry-on bag in the rental so I could change my shirt.”
We sit in silence, watching television, though I’m not sure either of us is actually watching the program. My mind keeps racing back to holding Rowan, and then catapulting the other direction and wondering if Ash is okay in the nursery.
“She seems like she’s doing okay,” Alex finally says, like a general observation.
I glance around the small, yet cozy place she’s got here. There’s a basket of baby things in front of the television and a swing on the opposite side of the room. “She looks a little tired, but that’s probably normal, right?” I ask.
Alex shrugs. “Probably. Mom said she napped a lot when they were here last week. I guess the first few nights were rough, but by the end of their trip, they settled into a routine.”
The thought of Ashtyn being here by herself this past week bothers me more than I expected. I’m grateful her parents were here to help after the baby was born, but at the same time, I feel a little shorted in that regard. What if she needs something? Who will she call? Her parents and Alex are hours away, and even though they’d drop everything to help, it could be too late before they arrive.
“I asked again last night if they found out who his father is,” Alex continues, catching my complete attention.
My throat feels dry as I carefully glance his way, schooling my features to not give anything away. “Did they find out anything?”
Alex shakes his head. “Nope. Dad said no one but a few co-workers from the library stopped by, and she never took any calls or texts from anyone other than friends. That’s why I want this job, Tate. I want to be here to help her if she needs it.”
I open my mouth, determined to tell him I’m here, that I’ll help, but I quickly snap it shut. I’m not about to give too much away yet. Not until I’ve talked to Ashtyn. If and when the time comes to have this discussion with Alex, I’ll man up and do it, but for now, I’d rather not wave red in front of the bull’s face. Right now, all I’m guilty of is sleeping with his sister, which yes, is bad enough. When I finally get confirmation that it resulted in a child, then I’ll do what’s right and tell my oldest friend, but not until I speak with Ashtyn.
“I’m here too,” I find myself telling him.
Alex gives me a small smile. “I know, and I’m grateful knowing you’re this close. Although, I’m not sure you’d pick my sister over some hot blonde with big tits grinding on your cock at a club.”
See, that’s where he’s wrong. Little does he know, I’d pick Ashtyn over anyone, anytime. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her, or our night together, since it happened. And believe me, I’ve tried. But the only fucking I’ve been doing is my hand, but try telling Alex that. He’d never believe me. Especially not after rooming with me in college. Different girl every night. Hell, a few times it was more than one, sometimes even together. Our place was a revolving door of hot women, and when it wasn’t football season, lots of booze. I enjoyed my college experience, probably a little too much.
“If your sister needed help, I’d drop everything,” I insist, trying to keep it casual, yet wondering if I’m failing miserably.
Alex stares at me, and I wish I knew what was going through his head. Back in the day, it was easy, but now, after long periods of absences, I admit, I can’t read my friend as easily as I used to. “I appreciate it. I’m going to give her your number before I leave. This way, she’ll have it if she ever needs it.”
I nod, knowing it’ll be programmed into her phone by the end of today, not days from now. “So, tell me about the interview,” I say, looking for a redirect.
Alex instantly smiles. “It went well, I think. I met with Roger Aspen and Tyler Duff. The position is in recruiting and available immediately. I’d work with Coach Colson directly, along with Roger, on scouting. The position involves a lot of travel, but I’m fine with that. Actually, I think I’d enjoy it.”
I shrug. “Living out of a suitcase and pizza box isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”
“Probably not, but I’d also get to watch and meet players from all over the country. All those pro team reps I had to hobnob at Notre Dame would now be me. This world is full of amazing, talented athletes, and I’d love to be the one who goes out and finds the cream of the crop for my team.”
I completely understand where he’s coming from. I’ve given some thought to what if. What if I stopped playing football today? What would I do tomorrow? I’ve made enough money off my endorsements and investments to set myself up pretty nicely for the rest of my life, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be able to just sit on my ass and watch television all damn day. I’m a worker, always have been. From my very first job at fifteen to now, I’m always busy doing something.
And now I might have someone else to consider. Two people, actually. If it turns out Rowan is my son, I’ll take care of him. Him and Ashtyn both. They’ll not want for anything and will have the best of everything. I’ll make sure of it. Though, something tells me she’s not the type to just sit back and let me swoop in and save the day like Superman. Especially since she’s still a little hostile toward me.