It tears me apart to see how little I mean to you.
I guess I shouldn’t blame you, because you tried to tell me over and over, I just wasn’t listening.
I never thought I would say these things to you, but I can’t keep lying to myself and ignoring what’s right before my eyes.
Life will be difficult without you. In such a short time, you have become such an important part of my life. Thanks for all you did for me and for all the good times. I’m going to miss you.
I hope someday you find a girl who makes you happy. I wish only happiness for you.
—Kami
P.S. I’ll return your truck when I get settled, and I’ll have the marriage annulled so you’ll have nothing more to worry about.
I slump back in a chair, feeling my chest squeeze painfully. What the fuck? She hopes someday I find a girl who makes me happy? There’ll never be another girl for me. If I didn’t already know that, it hits me now like a ton of bricks. She’s it for me.
I picture her on our way to Birmingham, with her feet up on the dash, humming along to a song, and I know I don’t ever want another woman riding shotgun in that seat.
I picture her on the back of my bike, her arms wrapped around me, a big smile on her face when I peer back at her, and I know I never want another woman riding on that bike with me.
I picture her under me, her eyes wide with wonder and love as I sink into her, and I know I never want another woman under me again.
She’s it for me.
I drop my head in my hands, my elbows on my knees and rock. She’s better off without me, right? I’ve told myself those words over and over. But what about me? Will I be better off without her? What the fuck am I going to do without her?
I can feel her even when I’m alone. She’s here in every inch of this house, now.
My phone goes off, and I scramble to yank it out of my pocket, hoping its Kami. But the readout says Sly. I put it to my ear. “Yeah?”
“Just wanted to let you know we’ve been makin’ good time, so we’ll be pulling in tonight rather than tomorrow morning. Should hit town in the next hour or two. Meet me at the clubhouse. We need to talk.”
My throat goes dry. “Sure. I’ll be there.”
He disconnects and I drop my hand, staring at the linoleum floor. I lift my eyes to the room, scanning all the changes Kami has made, all the life she’s brought into this house.
Mere months ago, it was just a cheap rundown rental, but now it feels like it has life inside it. Now it feels like home.
Kami did that. She made this place a home—our home.
I know only one thing for certain. I need to find her and bring her home.
***
I pace in Sly’s office. He’s behind the desk looking worn out from the long ride back. I barely glance at him, too caught up in the shit in my head. “Look if Kami is gonna keep me from getting my patch,” I shake my head, “I may have to rethink all of this—”
Sly stops me with a growl. “Sit down.”
“I’m not gonna be able to do any fill in spots with the porn thing.”
He nods. “Told you that was your decision.”
I scoff and drop into a chair. “Sometimes nothin’ around here feels like my decision.”
Sly slumps back in his chair and nods to my cut. “That how you feel about getting that patch?”
I rub my hand across my chest, just over my heart, and then close my fist over the leather lapel. “Been wantin’ this for a long fuckin’ time. Been my sole focus for the last year.” I meet Sly’s eyes. “Bein’ a King is everything I’ve wanted.”
“And now?”
“Now I know there’s something else. I’m hoping the two aren’t mutually exclusive.”
“How’d things go this weekend?”
“I had some problems, but I took care of it.” It’s not a lie.
“Tell me.”
So I tell him the truth—all of it. I know better than to hold anything back this time. When I’m done, it’s kind of a relief to have it off my shoulders. I’ve made peace with the fact that the man’s gonna do what he’s gonna do. I’m either in or out. And if I’m not good enough, then I’ll have to be satisfied that I gave it my all and did everything I could to prove myself.
Sly hears everything I did to take care of making sure that money made it to the club. How I was shot. How Kami was battered. And how a traitorous stripper needed to be dealt with.
He’s quiet a long moment, then rocks forward in his chair. “I appreciate your honesty. You didn’t have to tell me any of that. Some men wouldn’t have had the guts to come clean. Fact that you did proves I can trust you.” He leans forward and steeples his hands, elbows on the desk. “I like the fact that you took care of business, got the club’s money back and took care of the ones who dared to cross us. I know your patch was on the line, so you did what you did. But next time you bring that shit to the club first. Understand?”
I nod, my brain still hung up on the words next time. There’s going to be a next time. “Yes, sir.”
“And your sister?”
“We both know she’s not my sister. Now she’s gone.”
“And that’s a problem for you, I take it.”
“It was also supposed to be temporary, her and me.”
“Now you want more.”
I look up and meet his eyes. “Yeah. Now I want more. She changed everything.”
“Hopefully, not everything.”
“I don’t know… Hell, she’s got me so fucking in knots.”
“Sorry to hear that. Saint, are you under the impression you can’t have an ol’ lady?”
I shrug. “Kind of hard to find the time for that, right?”
“True. But that’s up to you.”
“Thanks. You gonna need me for the next day or two?”
“You goin’ after her?”
I shrug again.
“Be a fool if you didn’t. Heard tell that girl’s something special. Heard tell she’s also head over heels for you.”
I nod because I know it’s true.
“No, I’m not gonna need you for the next few days. You need help trackin’ her down, take one of the boys with you, understand?”
“Sure. Thanks.”
“Get out of here.”
I walk outside and sit on my bike. I stare at the full moon hanging low on the horizon. I need to find my girl.
And once I find her, I just have to figure out a way to convince her that she’s everything to me, and that I deserve another chance.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Saint—
I sit at the long cafeteria table in the prison visiting room, my knee bouncing as I wait. I’ve tried calling Kami a million times, left countless messages, but she’s ignoring me, already beginning to cut me out of her life. I think she’s now gone so far as to turn her phone off. I curse the fact that I didn’t track her phone. I know I could report the truck stolen and get its GPS tracked, but for numerous reasons that’s out of the question. One—Kings don’t call the cops for anything. Two—she’s legally my wife, so the truck’s not stolen.