“Yes?” Gretel said slowly.
“Wow,” Everett said on an exhale. “This is . . . Wow.”
“Do you know other words?” Gretel asked.
“I’ve been emailing her,” Everett said. “I think, anyway. I mean, how many Theodoras can there really be in one city?”
“Probably a lot of elderly ones.”
“But how many young ones?” Everett asked.
“Wait. Why have you been emailing Teddy?” Gretel asked. “This is odd.”
“I do not have time to explain it right now,” Everett said. “I have to get back to the store and see her. I need to . . . I don’t know. Ask her out? What are you supposed to do when you accidentally meet someone you’ve been corresponding with? Oh, and also technically we did meet once already, and she ran away from me.”
Gretel stared at him. “Are you seriously asking your twelve-year-old sister for dating advice?”
Everett nodded. “Fair point. Guess I’ve gotta figure this out myself.”
“Go ask her out, man!”
Everett and Gretel turned to see the man dressed as Wendy giving them a thumbs-up.
Gretel looked back at Everett. “Who is this guy, and why has he been listening to our conversation?”
“Could you mind your own business, Wendy?” Everett asked.
“Fine,” he muttered, walking away. But then he turned around. “Aren’t you that guy from television?”
Everett winced. Of course, the one time he was borderline rude to a drunk man in the street, he’d be recognized. “Um, yeah. Listen, I’m sorry. . . .”
“Damn.” The man dressed as Wendy shook his head in wonder. “Wait till I tell my mom I met Mr. Rogers.”
Before Everett could correct him, he shuffled off into the crowd.
“I hope he’s going home to get some sleep,” Gretel said with a mixture of condescension and concern. “His cognitive skills are seriously impaired.”
But the more Everett thought about it, the more the drunken human embodiment of the Wendy’s mascot was right. Maybe he should just ask her out. And anyway, there were probably worse fast-food mascots to get romantic advice from. The Burger King, for example. Ronald McDonald, for sure.
“What are you thinking about?” Gretel asked. “You’re doing that annoying thing you do when you’re lost in thought. You’re staring off into the distance and kind of muttering to yourself.”
“I’m just thinking! This is how I think! Why are you so judgmental?” Everett sighed. “I’ve gotta go talk to her. Come with me.”
“No!” Gretel literally put her foot down, stomping on the street. “I am getting the alligator bites that I came here for because I’ve never had alligator and this is a life experience!”
Everett rolled his eyes. “Okay. Fine. I’m going to miss out on talking to the woman of my dreams because you couldn’t wait to eat fried food and call it a ‘life experience.’”
“How can she be the woman of your dreams when she never guest-starred on The Muppet Show and sang a duet with Kermit the Frog?” Gretel asked dryly.
“I have other dream women!” Everett snapped. “Go get your food!”
By the time Gretel had waited in line, paid, and walked away victorious with alligator bites, minutes had passed. Minutes that Everett wasn’t speaking to Theodora/Teddy and figuring out if their connection extended past email into real life. Which it obviously would; he was too much of an idealist to think otherwise.
“Ev,” Gretel whined, “I can’t keep up with you. Your legs are too long, and I’m going to drop my food.”
Everett slowed his stride a little. “Want me to pick you up?”
“No!” Gretel said in horror.
“You could ride on my shoulders, like you used to when you were a toddler,” he suggested, which only earned him an eye roll.
By that time, they were at Colossal Toys, so Everett took a deep breath and opened the door. The store was packed, full of both people and toys, and he couldn’t tell if Teddy was still there. Seriously, the aisles were uncomfortably narrow; wasn’t this a fire hazard? He muttered, “Excuse me,” to a couple dressed as Jim and Pam from The Office and attempted to see around someone dressed as Dark Helmet from Spaceballs, but the oversized helmet blocked his view of the register.
Finally, he made his way through the crowded aisles to the counter. “Do you want to go out sometime?” he asked, out of breath, slapping his hands on the counter.
“That’s a very nice offer, honey, but you’re a bit young for me,” said a woman with frizzy gray hair piled on top of her head.
“You’re not Theodora,” Everett said.
“The words I love to hear from a man.” The woman put the glasses hanging on a chain around her neck on her eyes. “Oh! It’s you! The Mysterious Email Man!”
“Is that what she calls me?” Everett asked.
The woman laughed. “No. But that’s what I call you. I’m Josie.”
She held out her hand and Everett shook it. “I’m Everett. But maybe you already knew that.”
“I did.” She nodded in a way that was both comforting and a little mocking. Everett decided he liked Josie.
“You’re not dressed up,” he said.
Josie shook her head. “Halloween is amateur hour, and I’m not an amateur.”
Everett nodded. “Got it. Is Theodora around?”
“She had to go home,” Josie said. Everett thought she might offer some other information, but she stared back at him and let the silence between them grow. He got the feeling she was the type of woman who wasn’t uncomfortable with silence.
“Okay, then,” Everett said, tapping a hand on the counter. “In that case, I’ll be off.”
“It was nice to meet you, Everett,” Josie said with a genuinely warm smile. “You should go ahead and email her.”
Everett stepped out of the way as another customer plopped their merchandise on the counter and Josie turned her attention away from him. She was right. He should send Theodora another email—after all, that was how they’d been communicating up until now. Why not ask her to—I don’t know—get a burger somewhere? Or, wait. Is she a vegetarian? He didn’t even know. There were so many gaps in their communication. He’d have to find out.
“Are we done here?” Gretel asked. “There’s no food allowed in the shop so I had to shove the rest of it in my mouth, and I almost choked. Not that you noticed.”