I’m starting to realize the depth of my mistake.
Cat is not forgiving me.
And I know the reason why.
I really fucking hurt her. I can see it in her eyes every time I force her to look at me. She’s trying to be so cold, so aloof, but I hear the tremor in her voice, and I see her hands shaking.
I never realized how fragile our relationship was.
I flung it against the wall like that speaker, and it shattered into a hundred pieces. Now I’m trying to glue them back together and it isn’t fucking working. I don’t know how to restore her trust.
I try giving her space for a couple of days, but when I approach her again outside the Keep, she’s as determined as ever.
“It’s over, Dean,” she tells me. “Our relationship was wrong from the start. Nothing built out of violence and lies and coercion could ever turn into something good.”
“That’s not true!” I cry. “It can be whatever we want it to be. It’s our choice what it becomes, it doesn’t matter how it started.”
She shakes her head at me, her eyes sad and unbelieving.
It doesn’t help that I can barely contain my frustration every time she shuts me down again. I’m trying to prove to Cat that I can be calm, controlled, reasonable, but it’s driving me insane that she won’t speak to me, that she won’t give me another chance.
“I love you!” I say, seizing her hand. “And I know you love me too. Look at me and tell me you don’t.”
She refuses to look at me.
And refuses to answer.
The next time I see her, she’s walking to class with Hedeon Gray.
It feels intentional, like she’s trying to enrage me.
She knows I don’t trust Hedeon. I don’t trust any man around her—I’m the one that should be walking at her side. I’m the one she should be gazing up at, smiling in that way that feels like a hand reaching into my chest, squeezing my heart . . .
I cut across their path, making Hedeon pull up short.
“Thanks for keeping her company,” I say to Hedeon. “I’ll take it from here.”
Hedeon throws a quick glance at Cat, which only infuriates me more.
“I don’t think—” he starts.
“Yeah, don’t think,” I hiss. “Don’t strain your brain. Just carry on your way.”
Hedeon glares at me, fists clenched at his sides.
Hedeon’s a decent fighter, and he’s not afraid to face off against even Silas. But he knows if he goes toe-to-toe with me, I’ll knock him flat.
Plus, I haven’t slept in three days—I probably look none-too-stable at the moment.
Deciding it’s not worth the hassle, Hedeon stalks off toward the Keep.
Cat rounds on me, cheeks flaming and eyes snapping. God she looks sexy when she’s angry.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” she demands, stomping her foot in a way that’s utterly adorable.
“I’m walking you to class.”
“I don’t want you to walk me to class. I don’t want you anywhere near me.”
“Yes you do,” I growl. “You miss me, and I miss you. Stop torturing us both.”
“You have no right to scare off my friends or to harass me!” Cat cries. She’s angry too. The air between us crackles with that tension so familiar to me—the kind that makes me want to seize her and kiss her until both our lips are bloody.
I’d do it, if I weren’t afraid it would break the last bonds between us.
Because Cat really is pissed, and I don’t trust myself not to make this worse.
“You leave me no choice!” I say. “I can’t just walk away from you. I need you, Cat. I love you.”
“It’s always what you want, what you need,” she says, tears glinting in her eyes.
“Then tell me what you need! Tell me what to do, how to make it up to you! What will it take for you to forgive me?”
Cat looks up at me with a quizzical expression.
“Do you really mean that?” she says.
“Yes! Yes, I mean it.”
“You want to prove to me that you’re sorry?”
“Yes, I told you that a hundred times.”
“Alright then,” she says, folding her arms across her chest. “I want a month.”
I stare at her, at her pale face and stubborn jaw.
“A month?”
“That’s right. I gave you a month once. Now I want the same in return. A month of you obeying my every command.”
I can’t help the smile tugging the corner of my lips. “That doesn’t sound so bad . . .”
“Don’t be so sure,” Cat says sternly.
“And at the end of the month we can start over again?”
“Maybe,” she says, still frowning at me.
Maybe is better than no.
“What’s the first order, boss?” I grin.
“You can carry my books,” she says, dumping them into my arms. “Walking five feet behind me.”
“No problem,” I say. “This is my favorite view.”
“And don’t talk,” Cat snaps, over her shoulder.
I follow Cat to her next class, silent and obedient.
It’s a good thing she can’t see me, because my cock is already rock hard, watching that cute little ass stomping away five steps ahead of me.
Over the next week, Cat dredges up every bit of humiliation I put her through and heaps it back on my head.
She makes me dash around running errands for her until my head is spinning. She orders me to feed her grapes in the dining hall like I once did to her, and even demands that I strip off my shirt and fan her with a folded pop quiz, like she’s Cleopatra and I’m an Egyptian concubine.
It’s not the ideal time for me to look like a fucking idiot, since Vanya Antonov was already trying to siphon off as many of my friends as possible, and Bodashka, Pasha, and Valon have joined him in openly mocking me.
Cat has forbidden me from fighting any of them.
She says I’m not supposed to lose my temper whatsoever.
You might as well ask a shark not to swim.
I’m fucking drowning in all the aggression I have to stuff back down inside of me, every time Vanya throws another jeer in my direction.
The only silver lining is that Bram is still sitting next to me at Cat’s table, seeming to find the whole thing amusing and even slightly admirable.
“Wish I had someone to do weird kinky shit with at lunch,” he says, stuffing half a bacon sandwich in his mouth.
He looks across the table at Rakel.
“You look like you know how to get nasty . . .” he says, mouth full of sandwich. “How about it?”
“What a tempting proposal,” Rakel says acerbically. “Unfortunately I’m already dating Joss Burmingham.”
“That spotty little Spy? I’m way hotter than him.”
“But he’s learned to chew, swallow, and then speak, so he’s got that going for him.”
Bram gulps down his bite. “How ‘bout now?” He grins.
“Still no.” Rakel sniffs.
Anna and Leo have maintained an admirable level of silence through all this, though I know Leo is dying to give me shit about the fact that I’m once again stripped down to my trousers, holding up Cat’s water glass so she can take a sip, while barred from speaking to her.