“It’s such a unique small space here,” she said. “I don’t know if I don’t want to go to sleep because I’m scared the boogeyman might jump out at me,” she confessed, “or the fact that this time will end so soon, and I want to take a piece back with me.”
“Do you want to take a piece back?” he asked in surprise.
“Yes, so I always remember what it feels like, so I don’t come back here again,” she said.
He stared at her in shock.
She shrugged. “I know it’s foolish, but I can’t get away from that feeling that this will happen again, if I ever come back here.”
“And, therefore, you won’t come back here,” he said.
“No, I’m not, but that edginess remains in my mind.”
“Got it,” he said.
“I don’t know,” she said. “This experience just messed me up.”
“No,” he said in a straightforward manner. “It’s giving you a chance to reevaluate.”
She nodded slowly. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“When you get home, do you just turn around and do another one of these?”
“I’m not sure,” he said cheerfully. “I know that the company I joined has a lot of team projects as well. I’m just not sure what I’m doing next.”
“So we’re in the same boat then,” she said in surprise.
“To a certain extent, yes, except that this is my job, and it’ll be the same form, one way or another, that I’ll be doing,” he murmured.
She nodded slowly. “Do you ever stay home?”
“Sure, lots of times. Why?”
She shrugged. “I just can’t imagine that life. If you were always in danger all the time, I’d worry so much.”
“Maybe,” he said, “but that would be like me worrying about you crossing the street.”
She rolled her eyes at that. “I get that,” she said. “But this is obviously a little more dangerous than that.”
“Yes, however, it’s not that dangerous. I’ve been doing it for many, many years, with no incidents.”
“Maybe you’re just really lucky.”
“Or I’m really careful,” he said in outrage but then laughed.
“It’s all about trust, isn’t it?”
“It’s about trust. It’s about knowing that somebody really wants to do something and letting them do it. Loving the fact that you’ll have time together and that sometimes there won’t be any time at all.”
“Right,” she murmured. “It’s lots of variables.”
“Always,” he said, “and what about your family?”
“I’m better off if I stay away from them,” she said. “I know that I’m a failure to them, so I always have that harsh sense of criticism and judgment when they are around.”
“And you don’t need that,” he said gently.
“No, and it’s hard to tell them to back off and to stop when I’m there. They’re very strong,” she said. “I guess that’s a way to put it.”
“It’s a one-way relationship,” he said. “Do you really not plan on ever having a family of your own though?”
“I was just about to ask you that,” she said, with a chuckle. “Because, with your job, that’s got to be hard.”
“And yet many people make it work,” he said. “I always figured that, when it was the right person, then she would want to make it work.”
“And, of course, that’s the bottom line.”
“It is. And you’ll go home, and you’ll start all over again,” he said. “You’ll build yourself something in your life that’ll make you really happy and make you smile, and you’ll carry on.”
“That sounds very depressing,” she said.
“And why is that?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I somehow thought that I already did all of that.”
“So you don’t have to do it again?”
“Maybe, or maybe because I want something more than just this.” She looked around at the hotel. “I’m not very good company,” she said abruptly. “We should get up and head back to my room.” She stood and started walking.
He hopped to his feet and came beside her. “Did I say anything wrong?”
“No,” she said in a faint voice. “I just realized how much of the good things in my life I still wanted to have around, and, now that I see them, I thought maybe they were there for me, but they aren’t.”
He stopped, looked at her in complete confusion. “Sorry?”
She shook her head. “Don’t worry about it.” She quickly unlocked the door, smiled, and said, “Good night,” and closed the door in front of him.
Confused, not sure what had just gone wrong, but obviously something had, he slowly walked back to his room. Killian was sound asleep, which was exactly what Jerricho should be doing. Jerricho stretched out on his bed, wondering what she meant, and, afraid that it would keep him awake, he went back over her words, and a thought suddenly came to him. He pulled out his phone and realized she didn’t have hers anymore. He groaned.
It would be a long night at this rate. And he couldn’t afford that. But he wondered if maybe she was talking about him. Was she interested in staying friends? Was she interested in something more, or had he completely misread all the signs? He frowned as his mind kept going back and forth over a lot of the different bits and pieces of their conversation. They had definitely reconnected, and still something special existed between the two of them. Something more than what he had imagined.
Killian had seen it; in fact, Killian had seen it right from the beginning.
But Jerricho hadn’t, and, with that thought in his mind, knowing he would have to clear the air with her in the morning, he closed his eyes and fell asleep.
Chapter 10
Brenna woke the next morning, tired, with a sense of defeat coursing through her. She lay in bed for the longest time, until she heard Jessie get up to shower. Even when Jessie came back out, Brenna hadn’t moved.
“I can tell you’re awake,” Jessie said. “Your eyes are open.”
“Yeah,” she said, “I am awake. I just don’t want to be.”
“I do,” she said. “I want to go home today.”
“Yes, with that I can agree.” She slowly pulled herself up into a sitting position and looked at her friend.
“You were up late with Jerricho.”
“Yep, I was,” she said, “but I probably shouldn’t have been.”
“Why?”
“Because it just reminded me how much I always liked him and how we aren’t together anymore.”
“So what’s wrong with being together now versus being together before?” she asked. “Don’t start pulling all your history into this relationship. It’s been long enough, and you’re both different enough that it should be brand-new.”
“And yet I don’t know if I could handle his job.”