I tilt my face up and he dips his head, giving me a gentle kiss. I lean into him, wanting more, and he doesn’t disappoint. The smell of his cigarettes lingers as he kisses me, deep and slow, but I don’t mind the taste on his tongue as much as I did the last time he started smoking again. Maybe it’s something to do with the nostalgic feelings that the evening has dredged up. The past seems closer somehow, more tangible, within reach.
I push my fingers into his dark hair, feeling heady. I’ve consumed so much wine in the last couple of hours in my attempt to make up for lost time that I realise I’m actually quite drunk.
Theo’s hands slide along the curve of my waist and I breathe in sharply, a thrill darting through me.
The car jolts to the left and right in quick succession as the driver corrects his line.
Theo tenses and breaks away, giving the rear-view mirror a black look. He takes his arm out from behind my waist and places his hand on my knee.
I’m figuring that’s the end of our make-out session for now. These winding country roads are dangerous enough without giving our voyeuristic driver additional distractions.
* * *
We’re staying on the outskirts of Harrogate, a few miles away. I’ve been checking my phone intermittently throughout the evening and Katy has obliged me with repeated ‘all is quiet’ texts. I let her know we’re on our way back and she opens the door straight away to our light rat-a-tat-tat.
‘Hello!’ she exclaims in a loud whisper, her long blond hair swinging in a thick high ponytail as she steps out of the way. ‘Did you have a good night?’
‘Yes, thank you. How was she?’
‘Perfect!’ she replies to my relief, hopping on one foot as she pulls on a trainer. ‘Not a peep! I checked on her a few times, though,’ she adds hurriedly, shoving her toes into the other shoe.
‘Thank you.’
Theo plies her with the wad of cash we counted out on the return journey. ‘I’ll see you to the taxi,’ he says. ‘We’ve already paid the driver.’
While Theo walks Katy outside to the waiting car, I kick off my heels and go to look in on Emilie. Our daughter is fast asleep, sprawled out on her back with her arms spreadeagled like a starfish. It’s hot in here – it’s only March, but the heating has been turned up too high – and a few strands of her dark-blond hair are plastered to her forehead. I can’t resist carefully brushing them aside, holding my breath as she stirs. She falls still again so I crack open the window to let in a whisper of cold night air and quietly leave her room.
Theo is standing inside the front door, looking uncertain.
‘You okay?’ I ask.
‘Yeah,’ he brushes me off.
‘What is it?’
He hesitates, shifting on his feet. ‘I didn’t like that taxi driver.’
‘Why? Because he was perving on us?’
‘No, more than that. I have a bad feeling about him.’
‘Are you worried about Katy?’ Now I’m concerned. Theo’s instincts are usually correct, and although he can be overprotective, Katy is only seventeen. The thought of anything happening to her…
He frowns and then shrugs. ‘I’m sure it’s fine. I asked her – in front of the driver – to text us as soon as she got home, so he knows we’ll be checking up on her.’
‘Good thinking.’
‘Emilie okay?’
‘Out cold.’
He gives me a small smile, his twilight eyes framed by dark lashes.
I slide my hands up and over his toned chest to rest on his shoulders. It’s more of a reach than usual – he’s still got his shoes on. I’m tall at five foot eight and Theo is a little under six foot, so when I’m wearing heels, we’re almost the same height.
He leans down to kiss me.
George was taller…
I push out the thought and focus on the feeling of Theo’s hands skimming my waist. He pulls me against him as our kiss deepens and I want him, like I haven’t wanted him in ages. I’m tugging his shirt out of his trousers when he stills my fingers.
‘Let’s wait until we hear back from Katy.’
I sigh, but nod in agreement, resting my head against his shoulder. I like that he cares. When I first met him, it seemed as though he cared about nothing and no one, but how wrong I was about that. It’s because he cares that he had to build a fortress around himself.
My heart hurts for the boy Theo used to be. And once again my thoughts are pulled towards another boy and the pain he suffered…
‘You okay?’ Theo asks, sensing the shift in my mood.
‘Fine,’ I reassure him, lifting my head and nodding at his pocket. ‘Any word yet?’
His brow furrows and he digs out his phone to check the screen. ‘No. She’ll probably text you though, right?’
I hunt out my phone from my clutch but that, too, is silent.
‘How about a drink?’ Theo asks.
I smile at him. ‘I don’t think I need another one, do you?’
‘Tea?’
‘Go on, then. You don’t seem that drunk,’ I note as I follow him into the kitchen.
‘I’m not. I slowed down when you got back to the party. Sorry I smoked.’ He shoots me an apologetic look as he fills the kettle and switches it on. ‘I won’t start up again.’
‘You’d gone without for so long this time,’ I point out gently.
‘I know.’ He rests against the counter, facing me. ‘I love you.’
‘I love you too.’
‘You really do look so beautiful tonight,’ he murmurs, reaching up to tuck a lock of hair behind my ear. ‘I’m sorry you missed part of the party. You know I would have been happy to bring Emilie back here myself.’
‘I do know. Thank you.’
It was only that she tends to nod off faster when I do bedtimes. I didn’t want her to be unsettled for her first time with a babysitter.
The kettle boils and Theo makes us tea, but we’re both preoccupied.
He checks his watch again. ‘Katy should be home by now,’ he mutters. ‘She’s only in Killinghall.’
The village is less than two miles from here.
‘I’ll text her,’ I say, typing one out.
We wait, but there’s no reply, and no notification to show us that the message has been received.
‘There might not be any phone reception,’ Theo speculates.
I dial her number. ‘It’s ringing,’ I tell him, waiting on tenterhooks.
The phone rings out and goes to voicemail.
‘Shit,’ Theo exclaims, his anxiety building. ‘What about your dad – can you get her parents’ number from him?’
Katy is the daughter of one of Dad’s market buddies.
‘Her parents are away,’ I remind him. ‘Otherwise they would have been there tonight.’
‘You could get her home number, though,’ he points out.
‘And wake the whole household? Her nan’s there, looking after Katy’s younger brothers.’
Theo gives me a helpless look. ‘Better than the alternative,’ he says simply.
Reluctantly, I ring my dad, but he doesn’t answer his phone. I try the home phone, but that also goes unanswered. The party was still in full swing when we left, so I doubt anyone can hear it ringing.