The guard was too smart not to know I’d snuck out, and that intelligence was what would keep his mouth shut. If Ryan found out the guard had allowed me out of his sight when he should have been watching my every move, he wouldn’t be able to walk come morning.
“That dress is nice,” Bennie commented, looking up from his phone as I studied myself in the mirror. “Ryan will definitely like it.”
I turned from every angle, admiring the way the dress fit me. “You think so?”
“Yeah. You look pretty in it.” He grimaced. “That’s not saying you don’t look pretty in other things… I’m going to shut up now.”
I laughed. “I knew what you meant.”
“Okay, good,” he muttered. “Ciana would have already punched me.”
15
Nova
After my little adventure while shopping, on top of traveling all day, I was exhausted. But I couldn’t sleep.
At the bus station, Cali had been able to get a burner phone from a tech vending machine with the card I gave her and called to let me know when she would be getting to Oakland. Once I had her details, I sent a text to Jack, knowing he would make sure my friend got to his mother’s shelter safely. He took his job seriously, and even though he came across as grumpy, he was really one of the most kindhearted men I’d ever met. That didn’t mean he was a pushover, though. His kind heart wouldn’t stop him from putting a bullet in someone he thought no longer deserved to breathe.
Relieved that Cali was going to be okay, I took a long hot shower and then pulled on a pair of sleep shorts and one of Ryan’s old T-shirts I’d stolen on one of my past summer visits. Leaving my hair to air-dry, I grabbed my bottle of lotion and walked across the hall to Ryan’s room.
It was late, and Ryan’s light was off. Deciding I didn’t need the lotion after all, I dropped it in the chair and crawled into bed beside him. As soon as I touched him, getting ready to snuggle up against him as I always did, I felt him jerk. I flinched at his reaction. He’d never done that when I’d touched him. Plenty of times when adult women he wasn’t comfortable with entered the room, but never me.
The bedside lamp switched on, casting a soft glow over the bed. “What’s wrong?” I asked, wondering if maybe he’d gotten injured. Concerned, I reached for the hem of his T-shirt, trying to tug it up so I could see where I’d touched him. “Where does it hurt? Let me see.”
He pulled the material from my fingers and jerked it back into place. “Nova.” My name came out as a growl, his jaw clenching and unclenching as if he were biting back words. “We can’t do this anymore. You’re…” He waved his hand at me and gulped. Something flared in his brown eyes that made my heart race. But then he blinked, and it was gone, as if it hadn’t really been there, and my heart dropped into my stomach. “It’s just not right. We’re too old for this stuff now.”
“Wh-what isn’t right about it?” I whispered. “We’ve slept in the same bed since I was three. You can’t sleep without me, and I can’t sleep without you.”
“It was fine when we were younger, but things are different now, Nova.” His eyes went to me then quickly averted to something else. “You’re not a little girl anymore. You’re…you. And if people found you in bed with me, they would think we’re….” He scrubbed both hands over his face in frustration.
“No one would think that,” I muttered, but still, I got out of his bed. It was obvious he didn’t want me there, and that hurt. Yet I wasn’t all that surprised. I’d known this day would come. Had feared it.
No friendship like ours had ever stood the test of time. I’d hoped that we would be different, but realistically, I’d known that a guy and a girl couldn’t be just friends their entire lives. My crush on him was proof enough of that.
“Nova, you’re only sixteen. If the wrong person found out you were sleeping in my bed with me—”
“What?” I demanded angrily. “What could they do, Ryan? No one would do shit, because they know us! They know you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. And if they don’t know that, then fuck them. Because they don’t matter.” Walking over to the chair, I grabbed my bottle of lotion. “Just tell me the truth. You don’t want me to sleep with you anymore.”
“Yes,” he gritted out.
I was glad my back was still to him so he couldn’t see the tears that suddenly filled my eyes. Tightening my fingers around the little bottle, I nodded. “Okay, then. I won’t bother you at night again.”
Blindly, I made my way to the door, hoping with each step I took that he would stop me. When I touched the doorknob, I felt as if my heart were physically breaking.
“Goodnight, Nova,” he said from behind me.
“Goodnight,” I choked out.
* * *
Sleep didn’t come that night, despite how exhausted I was. Even with all the tears I cried, I couldn’t hide from the pain in my heart in dreamland.
I knew I was being ridiculous. I shouldn’t be this upset simply because Ryan didn’t want to cuddle with me at night. It made me feel like a whiny little girl, and that sure as hell wasn’t me. But I knew deep down that it was just the first step toward the end of our friendship.
First, would be not allowing me to sleep beside him. Then, he’d slowly drift further and further away from me. Before long, we wouldn’t even speak to each other on the phone like we typically did. It was only a matter of time before Ryan pulled completely away from me and moved on with his life. He was a man now, after all, and I was still a little girl in his eyes.
Deciding I would suck it up and take what I could get of him for as long as he gave it, I got dressed and went down for breakfast.
Ciana was already up and dressed in her work scrubs. She worked at a private clinic in the city and she seemed to enjoy her job, but I knew she wished she could work at a hospital instead. She’d worked so hard to become a nurse, but her parents had insisted she work at a private women’s health facility rather than where anyone could come in and possibly harm her. It was frustrating for her, because she had skills she knew could help others, but most days, all she did was take blood pressures and temperatures.
At least she was working with people, though, which was the biggest plus for her. Ciana thrived around people, which made being a nurse perfect for her.
“Good morning,” she greeted with a warm smile. “How about stopping by the clinic today and having lunch with me?”
“I was hoping to spend the day with Ryan,” I told her as I dropped into my usual chair at the table.
Her brows rose. “I thought he was going to be busy moving in to his apartment all day.”
“His apartment?” I repeated, every muscle in my body tightening painfully.
“Yeah. He barely stopped for a cup of coffee earlier, he was in such a rush. He said he and Garret were moving in to Tetka’s old apartment. You know, the vacant one right below Theo and Tavia’s?” When I just sat there staring at her, her cheerful mood seemed to evaporate. “You didn’t know he was moving out?”