“I’m ready for some dinner,” Bennie said, packing up my duffel bag. “I could go for something dripping in grease.”
“I’m not hungry,” I muttered, taking the shirt Vito tossed to me and pulling it over my head. “I think I’ll just go home.”
“Not until you eat.” Vito tossed me my jeans next. I stepped into them. There were showers I could have washed the sweat off in, but I probably would have caught something in there that really would have Mom losing her shit. It was better just to stink and shower when I got home.
“You have to eat.” Bennie zipped up the bag and tossed the strap over his shoulder. “Both of you.” He shoved Garret when he started to argue, pushing him toward the exit. “I’m thinking burgers and fries. What do you say, Vito?”
“Yeah, fratello,” the older twin agreed, limping along behind. His leg hadn’t fully healed yet, but he’d graduated to a walking boot that he’d be in for at least a few more weeks. “These two could use some big, juicy meat.”
“Fuck you,” Garret grumbled over his shoulder, letting Bennie drag him out to the SUV that was waiting on the four of us. When we went to these fights, we kept security light. Only taking a driver who was also a guard and making him stay in the car. For one reason, so we didn’t draw too much attention to ourselves, but more than anything, so the guards wouldn’t narc on me to Mom and tell her I was participating in the cage fights. If she knew, I didn’t doubt the promoters would end up facedown in a river somewhere.
As soon as we walked outside, a group of girls ran over to us. They were dressed like they were on the hunt, and I was their prey. Bennie and Vito got between them and me, keeping them out of my way. I brushed my knuckles over my tattoo, stroking Nova’s cheek as I climbed into the front seat of the SUV. Women had been throwing themselves at me since that first night we’d attended an underground fight. They all made my skin crawl. I couldn’t stand them even breathing on me, let alone touching me.
The only one who was allowed to touch me—own me—was gone. There would be no one else to take her place. Ever. You couldn’t replace perfection.
I couldn’t talk my way out of not eating, so it was nearly three in the morning before Garret and I walked into our apartment.
“Shower,” I grunted, heading for my room.
“Night,” he muttered back.
Single-word conversations were mostly how the two of us communicated these days. It wasn’t that we hated each other—we just didn’t have anything to say to each other or anyone else. Fuck, at this point, he was probably my best friend. With the loss of Cali, he understood exactly what I was going through. Maybe it was even worse for him, because he’d lost not only the girl he loved, but his sister as well.
After what Ciana had done—or rather, her lack of action—I’d lost a sibling in a way too. I was her self-appointed twin, and we’d been closer than most actual siblings. I hadn’t seen or spoken to her since that night in Montreal. When she’d kept her mouth closed about Bain, she’d sealed Nova’s fate. If she had only told me about what happened on her vacation, I would have known that Sheena wasn’t just targeting our businesses. I would have known she was trying to strike against those I loved most.
My great-grandmother’s goal had been to take away everything I held dear in a single blow. While distracting me with the threat to business, she’d pulled my focus from those who mattered most. I should have paid more attention, seen all the warning signs that were right in front of me.
Losing Nova was just as much my fault as Ciana’s—and that shit was a hard pill to swallow.
I showered and then dropped down into bed, hoping for sleep, yet dreading it. Sleep meant I got to see Nova. But it was both a blessing and a curse. Because I knew when I woke up, she wouldn’t be there.
Sleep didn’t elude me. It swallowed me whole and instantly brought my greatest torment to me. Nova was standing in front of me, the sweet sound of her giggle pulling me deeper, enticing me to make her laugh again. My heart began to pound. I just wanted to touch her. Feel her skin, let her warmth unfreeze what her death had turned to ice…
“Ryan!” Garret burst into my room and flipped on the light.
I jackknifed upright in bed, my hand already on the gun I kept under my pillow. But I stopped myself from lifting and firing it at him just in time. Blinking sleep from my eyes, I found him standing over my bed, his phone held to his ear with one hand, while the other was thrust into his hair, tugging at the roots. “They can’t find my mom.”
“Put it on speaker,” I instructed, putting the safety back on my gun and taking my hand out from under my pillow. A glance at the clock on my nightstand told me it was just after six in the morning, making it just after three in California.
Once it was on speaker, Garret told his dad to repeat what he’d just told him.
“Things were crazy at the bar tonight, so Felicity was home alone. Bash and Raven both had to help out, and we still seemed shorthanded.” I heard the fear in the biker’s voice, and it made my stomach clench. Before we lost Nova, I would have said nothing scared Jet Hannigan. Now I knew that wasn’t true. It wasn’t that he felt fear. It was why he felt it. He’d already lost one person who meant the world to him, and now he was thinking he may have lost another. “When we got home, the TV was on, and there was a bowl of popcorn in the kitchen along with that tea your mom has been drinking to try to help her sleep. The doors were locked, and her car was in the driveway. None of us thought anything was wrong.” He let out a harsh exhale. “But then we couldn’t find her. It was as if she just disappeared into thin air.”
“Are her phone and purse missing?” I asked, trying to make sense of what he was saying as sleep faded from my brain.
“Both are here. But when I looked in the closet, I saw that her little carry-on luggage is missing, and some of her clothes that were hanging there this morning are gone.” He groaned in frustration. “If she left willingly, why would she take her clothes but not her phone and purse? And why didn’t she take her car? None of this makes sense, boys. Not one damn thing.”
“Did you call Ben?” Garret was pacing, his worry for his mom filling the room. It was the first real sign of emotion he’d shown in months. Since his return from Colombia with the MC, bringing Ramirez’s corpse with them, he’d been just as emotionally empty as I was.
“He filed a missing persons report. He’s notified everyone all the way up to Canada and down to Mexico. It’s just hard to look for someone when we don’t know what direction she went, or even what kind of vehicle she left in.”
“I’ll call Desi,” I offered. “Get him to check out all the CCTV cameras around Creswell Springs, see if there is anything that stands out from last night.”
“We already have someone doing that. And Raven has been questioning all the neighbors, checking to see if anyone might have seen anything or anyone who doesn’t belong.” A strangled sob came through the speaker. “Boys…what if she… Fuck. She hasn’t been the same since Nova died. All she does is cry. What if she…”
I stroked my knuckles over the inked face on my arm, wishing Nova were there so she could tell her dad that he was thinking crazy thoughts. But the truth was, without her, we’d all fallen apart, and those thoughts weren’t as crazy as some would assume. I’d be lying if I said the thought of ending my existence hadn’t crossed my mind. So many times, I’d wanted to just swallow a bullet, put myself out of my misery and find a way back to Nova. But every time I’d been about to do just that, the image of Nova’s disappointed face would fill my mind, and I couldn’t do it.