“No. I don’t trust many, but I do you. I want you with her.”
A frustrated growl dropped from my lips. “Taro, you’re not thinking clearly—”
“I think the separation would do us good as well.”
“What the fuck are you talkin’ about?”
“You need to make sure this is what you want. You’ve only ever been with women, Josh. This, what’s happened here, could only be a…” He shrugged. “…a lonely moment in time.”
“Don’t say that bullshit, arsehole. You know it’s not only that.”
He looked away from my angry gaze. “I worry about my business rubbing off onto the Hawks MC, your family, and causing them problems. The club is clean. You are clean. I’m not. You know what I deal in. U-Until I can clear some things up,” his voice wavered, “I need anyone associated to the Hawks MC away from here.”
“Clear what things up?”
“Family matters.”
I was about to open my mouth and say more when he ate up the space between us and wrapped his arms around me. His forehead hit my shoulder. “Please, for me, take this time to make sure you want this. Protect Mimi for me. Mother, my aunt, and Jiro’s daughters are going back to Japan for a while. I’ve spoken to her. It’s just for a little while. I… I have so much going on, and I can’t handle… I won’t be able to handle it if anything happened to anyone I care about. Please, please do this for me.”
Fuck.
Christ.
“I can help,” I tried.
“I know you can, but it’s not something I can accept right now.” When we didn’t know if I was certain I’d still want him. That was what he’d left out.
I rested my head against his and said softly, “What about your safety? What about me wanting to stay to protect you?”
His hands pressed into me. “You saw yourself I have many who have my back.”
Jesus, he had the right answer to everything, but I still didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to give in when it felt like he was.
I understood why Taro struggled, but I wanted to help him. I wanted to stand by his side and take everything on for him. I just didn’t know if it would be good or bad in the end.
Did he need time to make sure I was what he wanted? Or was the fear of losing someone consuming him? I knew he hated his father, but his death so close to this incident wouldn’t have helped his thoughts either.
I didn’t know what to do, what was right.
I unclenched my teeth, ignored the horrible feeling in my gut, and uttered, “Only for a little while?” Please don’t push me away. Please let me help. I wanted to say both, but I didn’t because he wanted this. He needed this.
He lifted his head, a sad smile touching his lips. “Yes. Very little.”
“Fine.” I nodded once. I hoped my answer eased some of his tension before he pressed his mouth to mine. He went to pull back, but I wasn’t having it. I gripped him to me and deepened the kiss. A promise to him that I still wanted this, that I would give him his time, for now.
Chapter Seventeen
Ruin
The ride home gave me a lot to think about. I understood why Taro pushed me to leave. He was under a shitload of stress, and I added to it since he worried about me. Even though he’d asked me to watch over Mimi, both of us knew the brothers would take care of her. Just like I knew Ryo and his men would protect Taro.
But fuck, it scared me to leave his side after what happened.
However, I believed we were strong; we could take on anyone wanting to fuck with us like we already had. Plus, we had good people at our backs, and he would be safe. He would, else I’d kick arse if anything happened to him, and that was exactly what I told Ryo before I left. His dry reply had made me smile when he’d said, “It’s not like I’m new at this.”
There was also the point of Taro wanting me to have time to make sure what I wanted was him. Yes, we’d moved fast in a way and yes, being with a guy was new….
But he was who I wanted. I didn’t need time apart to confirm that. I missed him as soon as I left.
His teasing.
His smile.
Him. All of him.
I hadn’t even fucked him, yet I already knew he was meant for me. He pissed me off, but there was a high chance I’d do the same to him. We’d work through it.
I’d give him the time he’d asked for.
Only, I didn’t know how long I’d last. It already felt wrong being away from him.
In my time away, I’d need to speak with Talon. Taro worried about shit blowing back on the Hawks MC, and I understood his concern, appreciated it even. I would never want any fallout. I’d see what Talon thought, and if it came down to it, I’d step down as a member. The decision was massive and one I didn’t take on lightly. However, if I had to pick between Taro and the club, Taro would always be the choice. No one but Taro had captured my attention, left me wanting, needing more from them like he had. It didn’t mean I wouldn’t be a friend to the club. They would always be my family.
When we’d arrived at the compound in Ballarat, I felt a sense of home. It was good to see the brothers, but I couldn’t help but think I wasn’t where I was supposed to be. The Hawks were putting on a family barbeque that day, and I looked forward to seeing everyone, but I didn’t feel the normal happiness I held when I stood at the bar looking out and around at everyone.
Fuck.
I sucked back the last dregs of my first beer and headed to the exit. I needed to get out of there, maybe catch my family before they left for the family gathering. I’d missed them a shitload, so it’d be good to see them alone before it got too rowdy. The urge to see them had hit me on the ride. I didn’t know if it was just because they were my family or if I’d be spilling the beans about a certain someone. I still wasn’t sure if I was ready to tell them. Not because I was worried or ashamed. Fuck that. But not having things sorted with Taro, especially not knowing if we had a future, made me unsettled, as did this bullshit of him pushing me away when things got hard for him.
I pushed through the front door and stopped. “Brother and Bakery Girl,” I called, spotting Coyote and Channa walking towards the door. I made my way over to them and embraced Coyote first. Christ, it was good to see my brother.
Coyote and I had been close since we were kids. I hadn’t realised how much I’d missed the fucker until I actually saw him. I pulled back and smirked down at Channa. I knew my brother would get his crap together and claim this beauty. A blind man could see the chemistry they had right from the start. Of course I gave him shit about it; it was one of my jobs of being his best friend.
“So,” I drew out, “he finally manned up and grew some balls to claim you.”
“S-Sorry?” Channa asked.
“Yeah, my brother here was pining over you—”
“All right, enough.” Coyote glared, but it wasn’t at full power. He looked to his woman. “Babe, don’t listen to him. Whatever he says is a lie.”
With a chuckle, I said, “He’s right. Like the fact he’s the best rider in the club. See, all lies.” Just to taunt my brother some more, I reached out, grabbed Channa’s wrist, and spun her so I could place my arm around her shoulders to lead her inside.