Haley Moman shot him a doubtful look. Lying to manipulate my child?
Crispin said, “You didn’t include that initially.”
“Don’t use the middle name much, Crispin.”
“Incomplete data,” said the boy. “Can lead to errors.”
“Ah.”
Without acknowledging me, Crispin said, “What’s your full identity?”
“Alexander Dumas Delaware. I go by Alex.”
Milo gaped. He’d never known about the flight of literary fancy cooked up by my mother before the postpartum depression set in and never left. Leaving me to be disparaged throughout my childhood as “sissy-boy Froggy” by my violent sot of a father.
The initials didn’t help, either: A.D.D. I’d tired of the ridicule at school, abandoned the offending “D” on my Missouri driver’s license and every document since.
Haley said, “Bernard is my dad. Crispin likes going to Montana to visit him.”
Crispin picked up the book and began reading.
Milo said, “Do you know why we’re here?”
“I threatened Todd and Shirin.”
Haley said, “He means you think that.”
Crispin said, “I mean I know that.”
Milo said, “So you did it.”
“Of course I did it.”
“Todd and Shirin got pretty upset.”
“That was the goal.”
“To make them upset.”
“Yes.”
“Because…”
“I hate them,” said Crispin. “They hate me. Expecting pleasantries in a situation like that is unrealistic.”
“Would you ever act out on the threats?”
Haley said, “Of course not!”
Her son regarded her as if she was beyond reasoning with.
Milo said, “Crispin, would you ever—”
“No. It’s an inefficient and stupid strategy.”
“How so?”
The boy’s withering glance shifted to us. “Why would I endanger my freedom for the short-term pleasure of harming them? At least not under current circumstances.”
Haley said, “Oh, Crispin, stop screwing around and just tell them the truth.”
“I’m being truthful. Mother. In the current situation, all of us being adolescents, there’s zero probability I’d act out.”
I said, “But?”
“Three of us on a deserted island together, enough food for only one? Or two? I’d do my best to survive.”
Haley said, “That’s a fantasy, Crispin. Give them reality. Please.”
“Then excluding fantasy, there’s no probability of harm. I attempted to arouse them because they—he, actually, not she—was acting out against me verbally.”
I said, “Shirin was okay.”
“Neutral,” said Crispin. “No hostility, no expression of support. I included her because she’s meaningful to him and I wanted to strike at his core.”
Sudden, lopsided smile. “Apparently, I’ve succeeded.”
Haley said, “You have, Crispin, but you need to stop.”
Long silence. She wrung her hands.
Crispin said, “Okay.”
Milo said, “Okay what?”
“I’ll stop.”
“Completely.”
“That’s what stop means, Milo Bernard Sturgis comma Lieutenant. There’s no rheostat, it’s either or.”
“Good.”
“Not good or bad,” said Crispin. “Reality. There’ll be no need for you to return and worry Haley. I won’t be going back there.”
“To Beverly Hills High School?”
“Honey, I thought we agreed you’d try to—”
“Circumstances have changed, Haley. It hasn’t been positive and is unlikely to become positive. I can learn more by myself.”
“But the counselor said Harvard and Yale—”
“The counselor went to Pitzer,” said Crispin, sneering. “I’ll follow my own judgment.”
He looked at Milo. “No need to come back and cause her stress, M.B.S. comma L.”
Milo said, “If you don’t give us reason to come back we won’t.”
The boy held up a hand. “Promise-pledge-swear. If it makes you feel better, bring me a holy book and I’ll place my hand on it.”
“Are you religious?”
“I believe in belief.”
“So no more threats?”
“Nary a one.” The boy smiled at his own phrasing. “Nary.” As if tasting the word. “Nary more scary.”
Milo said, “Fair enough,” and extended his hand.
Crispin said, “We already did that but all right.” This time he was the first to let go.
“Thanks, Crispin.”
“For what?”
“Talking to us.”
“I talk to people. I’m not a robot.” Leveling the purplish eyes at his mother.
She said, “Of course, honey.”
Another condescending smile aimed her way.
We turned to leave.
Crispin said, “They pretend to be adults but they’re not.”
“Who?”
“He and she, the party people. They pretended the party was all theirs but they were lying, it wasn’t.”
I said, “How do you know?”
“After they barred my entry I planned to conduct a commemoration of the confrontations. I walked over there and saw parents so I knew I didn’t have to bother.”
Haley Moman said, “You went over there? Ohmigod.”
Crispin said, “Don’t waste anxiety on events that didn’t occur.”
Milo said, “What were you planning to do?”
The boy’s lopsided smile reappeared and grew, filling the entire span of his lips. Gradually, as if joy were a gas that could inflate tissue.
Haley said, “Do I want to know this?”