My thoughts drifted to Sabrina. That smell. Her smell.
Relaxation worked its way down my body like the stream of the shower until I almost fell asleep inside.
Getting out, I grabbed my towel, and the smell was even stronger. Not having any better ideas, I grabbed my blanket and pillow off my bed. Back in the bathroom, I closed the door and let the music run in my bedroom in case this didn’t work.
I don’t know what made me more afraid, that it would or that it wouldn’t. After folding the blanket and arranging the pillow, I turned off the bathroom light and climbed into the bathtub. The thing was big enough for two, which meant it wasn’t as tight of a fit as I’d have imagined. Inside, the smell was even stronger, and the calm intensified, blanketing me in a quiet I hadn’t found in months.
Closing my eyes, I willed myself into a dreamless sleep where I wasn’t drowning in the pain of my past.
I woke to the smell of coffee and a sunlight-warmed bathroom, not panting sweats and a throat raw from screaming. I stared up at the ceiling and banged my head against the tub, hoping to knock a screw loose, or maybe knock it back into place.
A couple minutes of thumping later, I climbed out of the tub and left the bathroom, dragging my comforter behind me like a Peanuts reject. I flipped off the stereo and made my bed.
Although I’d caught a few hours of continuous sleep, the most I’d had in a long time, coffee was still imperative before I left for the office.
I got changed, feeling less like a zombie. Opening my bedroom door, the wall of dark, rich, aromatic scents drew me toward the kitchen by my nostrils.
Inside the kitchen, cabinets opened and closed, silverware rattled. Her music spilled out into the hallway, along with her low whisper of a sing-along. She moved into the dining room, probably poring over her puzzle.
The gentle coo of her voice over the Harry Styles song remixed in the clubs all through the summer was adorable. I smiled and leaned against the wall before shaking it off.
Never forget what she is. Intruder. Interloper. Invader.
One who was getting laid a hell of a lot more than I was.
I gnashed my teeth. I wouldn’t think about her with other guys. Why torture myself? Especially after the night of sleep I’d gotten. Today would be a good day.
Shoving off the wall, I grabbed onto the steely restraint not to let myself think about Sabrina. I couldn’t help but think of how horrendous her coffee skills were, though, while I filled my travel mug with coffee, and grabbed the creamer and sugar. She’d gotten to the coffee maker first, which meant the first sip would taste like I’d snorted a line of coffee grounds.
I needed more than coffee this morning.
Quietly I opened her snack cabinet and grabbed a package of the coffee cake cupcakes with the cream in the center, keeping the crinkling to a minimum. Not that she could hear me over the music and singing. At least I hoped she couldn’t. I glanced over my shoulder and slipped the coffee cake into my pocket.
“Hunter, is that you?”
I gritted my teeth. “Who else would it be? Unless you’ve given away copies of my keys to all your friends.”
She popped into the doorway, still in pajama pants and a tank top, and licked her thumb, her lips wrapping around the digit and a bit of her pink tongue peeking out between her lips.
Her perpetual torment.
At least she was wearing a bra, so I didn’t strain my ocular nerves by trying not to look at her nipples pressed against the taut fabric. “You’re hilarious.”
“So I’ve been told.” I popped the lid onto my coffee mug. “I’m heading out.”
“Good. I’ve got a really busy day. I’ll be putting in a lot of work and wouldn’t want to bother you with all the noise.” She crossed to the cabinet I’d closed earlier, opened it, and reached inside. “I swore—” She turned to me. “Have you seen my coffee cakes? I swore I had another one left.”
“I can’t keep track of all your food.” I shifted from one foot to the other, and the package in my pocket crinkled. The sides of my neck heated. “Who knows where it went. I’ve got to go.” I rushed from the kitchen and took off down the hallway to the elevator, a pang of guilt about stealing her food stabbing at me. I shook my head, telling myself it was a fair trade for all the space in my head she’d been stealing lately.
The worst part about my SWANK responsibilities was that I always felt like I was working a split shift—a split shift where my apartment was filled with a woman who’d taken over the moments of deep sleep I managed.
Going into the office was better than pacing in my apartment, waiting for her to invite over a new play friend. Not to mention that sleeping late during the day, while impossible given how my nights had been going, meant cramming all my work related to non-nightlife business into only a few hours. Showing up to the office during normal business hours but also needing to go out at night meant that sometimes my afternoons hit a dead zone where sitting around the office didn’t make sense.
I didn’t know why I’d taken to coming home instead of going to the gym or taking extra-long lunches since Sabrina had moved in. Maybe I was a glutton for punishment.
“It’s a tight fit, but you can work it in.”
I stood outside Sabrina’s door, my heart trying to abandon ship straight out of my mouth.
“Enough, Sabrina.” I flung the door open and froze. Deer-in-headlights froze. Crash-test-dummy froze.
She was on all fours on the bed, eyes wide, looking over her shoulder at me.
Ryder was in front of her on the other side of the bed.
“Hunter.” She scrambled off the bed and rushed toward me.
“With my brother.” A crazy, panicked feeling wrapped tight around my throat, choking me. My heart jackhammered, tripping and skipping beats, trying to send a signal to my brain to move.
“You called me your brother.” Ryder’s shocked words barely penetrated the thundering pulse in my ears.
“Now is not the time,” I growled at Ryder, trying to decide if I should call his mom or beat the shit out of him.
“It’s not what you think.” She grabbed on to my arm, digging in her heels to stop my retreat.
I whipped around, glaring. “You’re not in here with my brother talking about tight fits?”
“I am, but it’s not anything like you’re thinking.” She held her hands out in front of her, pleading.
“Thanks for the cash, Sabrina. I’ll let you two hash this out.” Ryder bolted, not fast enough.
My breath rushed out in sharp pants. My vision, tunneling to a pinpoint, centered on her face.
“What the hell is it then?” How long had they been doing this? Was there porn of my brother floating out there on the Internet?
“Let me show you.” She pulled me toward the computer set up on the dark wood desk by the door. “Don’t move.” Hesitating, her fingers tightened on my arm before releasing me and pulling up a file folder on the screen.
Irrationality slammed into me. I wanted to rip her computer in half and fling it across the room. As much as I’d searched for her online, there was an eruption of relief each time I came up empty-handed. I didn’t want to see her with anyone else.
Instead of typing in any number of websites I’d definitely never checked out, she selected the first video file.