Accepting him wasn’t possible. The guilt would eat me alive. Like all the things I’d never said to my dad were all forgiven just because he was gone. All the things I’d been too much of a coward to say to his face. Staring at Ryder was a mirror and a portal, and I couldn’t go back there again. But the look on his face and the defeat in his voice, it was a tire spike to my chest.
Without putting his coat on, he gathered it up in his arms and rushed out the door, letting it slam behind him.
I’d done what I said I’d do, and now he was gone. It was for the best.
Twenty minutes after her flight popped up on the cell phone lot board, I got out and leaned against the car, waiting for her to come out the doors.
The cops were patrolling, barking at anyone there for more than ten minutes. Just when I was worried I’d need to do a lap of the airport, she raced out.
Her eyes twinkled with happiness and excitement.
I couldn’t stop watching her, and she rushed forward, slamming into me. The car kept us both from toppling to the ground.
Cupping my hand to the back of her head, I held her close. “Happy to see me.”
“Always.” She kissed me: more than a peck, less than how I wanted to kiss her.
I laughed. “I don’t know if that was always the case. I feel like there were a couple of months where you’d rather not have seen me.”
“You’ve always been pretty to look at. It was more the shitty attitude and obsession with loud music throughout the night that I hated.”
“Point taken.” I reached back into the car and grabbed the bundle I’d picked up along the way. “I got these for you.” Maneuvering it out of the car, I held it up beside us.
Her eyes widened, and she looked from me to the orange, pink and yellow flowers.
“Seriously?”
A few people walking across the sidewalk with their bags turned to look at us.
The tips of my ears burned. “Seriously.” I kissed her and took the carry-on bag from her. “You take these and hop in. I’ll throw this in the back.”
She took the bouquet and stared at them like I’d shown up with the crown jewels or Hope Diamond.
I stuck the bag in the trunk and got into the driver’s side. At the same time, she settled into her seat.
Her fingers reverently brushed across the petals of the pink and yellow roses. “No one’s ever gotten me flowers before.”
Pulling out into traffic, I glanced at her. “Never?”
She shook her head. “No, never.”
“What about the last guy you dated?”
Her body stiffened, and I felt like a dick for bringing him up, but also wanted to know more about who she’d been with before she met me. I wasn’t exactly practiced when it came to relationships. How’d they stack up? How’d I compare?
“No, he wasn’t great at treating people the way they deserved to be treated.” Her smile faded.
I hated him without meeting him for however he’d treated her. “Is that why you left?”
“Something like that. It was time to move on, and I found out he wasn’t who I’d thought he was.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that. Did he cheat?” A boulder solidified in my throat, the only thing bottling up the burn of anger in my chest that a guy might even think to betray her like that. I’d made a promise to myself to never do it and hadn’t even put myself in a position where it would be possible by never even having someone I’d consider exclusive—a girlfriend—until her. Never being like my dad was on the top of my list and would continue to be when it came to how I’d live my life.
Her gaze shot to mine. “In a way.”
“I don’t get people like that. It destroys lives. I’ll never understand or be able to forgive people who do it. And I can’t believe there are people out there who’ll look at a relationship or family and say, ‘Yeah, I’m cool with breaking it apart.’” I shook my head.
“Maybe they don’t always know,” she whispered, her face nearly buried in the flowers.
I thought back to Ryder’s mom sitting outside our house. “They know.”
Silence descended on the rest of the ride. Sabrina stared out the window. When we pulled into the garage, I rested my hand on her leg just above the knee. “What’s up?”
She turned to me with a weak smile. “Nothing, just tired.”
“How was it seeing your parents?”
“Good. A lot of the usual. The couch is lumpier than ever, but it was nice to see them. My dad nearly set the house on fire deep-frying the turkey under the carport. Mom and I watched it from the kitchen window with fire extinguishers ready. If we’d been outside, I’d probably have to draw my eyebrows on for the next few months.” She brushed her fingers over them as if double-checking that they were still in place.
“But the turkey was delicious. We went to the movies the next day. It was pretty relaxing. Oh!” Bouncing in her seat, she patted my arm like she didn’t have my undivided attention.
Not that I minded anytime she touched me.
“And I won another job. The e-mail came in right before I took off, so I forgot to tell you. Between this and the expo in a few weeks, I might have enough work to get me through the next few months.”
She worked hard. Day and night, it felt like she was working on her pictures, pitching clients, endless scrolling to find the perfect image out of the hundreds or thousands she took, and then editing even more than required to go above and beyond for her clients.
I was proud of all the work she put in and getting some recognition for how she kept up her relentless pace.
“Then we should celebrate your win. Let’s get upstairs.”
Celebrating turned out to mean interrupting Sabrina’s unpacking with a bit of distraction on my part. Something about her putting away her things in a place I’d thought of as mine made me want to show her how much I’d missed her. Most of her clothes that hadn’t made it into the drawers were shoved off the bed and spread all over my floor, which made them feel even more at home there.
“We don’t need to order food. We can just eat leftovers.” She opened the fridge and picked up a container of mashed potatoes with half a spoonful left. “You were really hungry, huh?”
I took it from her and set it out on the counter and took this as my opening to tell her about my visitor. I’d gone through it and the place hadn’t burst into flames, so I deserved at least the slightest pat on the back. “I had Ryder over, and that kid can eat.”
Her whole posture brightened, and her eyes were wide with awe. “You did it?” She grabbed my arm and shook it, grinning.
“I said I would.”
“That’s great. What did you two talk about? Did you eat together?”
“No, he came up, packed up some food, and left.” Which was probably not how she wanted our meet up to go, but I’d done as she’d asked. I’d leave out the part about Ryder running out of the apartment, and hopefully he’d leave that part out too.
“Oh.” Her shoulders sagged, her disappointment wafting off her.
“Sabrina, don’t. I can’t do more than that with him.” How not-angry I was with him after only a few minutes was reason enough to stay away. It felt like a betrayal down to the depths of my bones to spend any time with him. Like I was somehow excusing what my dad had done. All water under the bridge, old man. Let me just welcome your other kid from your other family into what remains of mine.