He thought if he could resist her last night when he was drunk, he’d be strong enough to resist her when he was sober. But maybe moving her into his room had been a bad idea. Because, as they stood that close inside the small motel room, his lust for her was spilling over into something more. Even though it shouldn’t, since the topic they were discussing should be a turn-off for anyone with a normal brain.
But, for fuck’s sake… Knowing she’d never been fucked by any of his brothers and he could be the only one to do so… was starting to fuck with his judgment. And his dick.
“You weren’t the only one with shitty parents. Our father deserted us because our mother was a damn drunk. He didn’t only leave her, he selfishly left his two daughters, too!”
Her words solved his fucking dilemma. They had the same effect as if he’d soaked in Morton Salt dissolved in a tub of ice-cold water.
“He was so fed up with her drinking, especially when she was pregnant with me, he simply decided to say fuck it and forget we ever existed. What kind of dickhead father does that? Decides to leave a bad situation but leaves his daughters behind?”
Rev had done the same damn thing… “I left Sarah behind.”
“You were sixteen, Rev!” she shouted, practically in his face. “How the hell were you supposed to take care of a seven-year-old? And do it without being caught and charged with kidnapping? How? I’m sure if you could have, you would have. Unlike you, my father was an adult who wanted us until he decided he didn’t. Then Minnie wanted nothing to do with me after I was born because she blamed me for her man leaving. Me! While I was in her damn womb. When it was she who was drinking while I was just floating helplessly in a sack of fluids inside of her.”
He cringed at that description, but it also pissed him the fuck off.
“Reese called our mother Minnie, or Minimum Mom, for a good reason. The woman had done the bare minimum to keep us alive. And once we were older, she stopped making the slightest attempt to do even that. Reese did everything. If she didn’t know how to do it, she figured it out. Did she screw things up? Yes, but at least she tried. Because of her sacrifice, I owe her everything in return. I am the reason Reese never had a childhood.”
“No. Your goddamn mother is. Your father, too. Ain’t your fault.”
“Just like it isn’t yours that you had to leave Saylor,” she shook her head and released a cute little snarl, “Sarah behind.”
Her fingernails dug into his flesh and she stepped even closer, until her bare toes were pressed to his. He held his breath because he was having a hard time not grabbing her hair right now and throwing her onto the bed. No matter who or what the fuck they were talking about wasn’t helping that urge.
“Reese did what she had to do for us to survive. You did what you had to so you could survive to be able to help your sister later, when you could. To me, you did the best you could, Rev. Be happy you have each other.”
He was struggling to stay on track, to cling to his anger at his parents. At hers. At that Warren motherfucker.
Instead, he was focusing on the way her mouth was shaped, the way her tongue darted out and moistened her bottom lip. The way her pupils had become wider. The heat of her body. The way she filled the cotton shorts and snug T-shirt she now wore. He was tempted to feel the contrast between how soft that cotton was and how hard her nipples were.
Just a touch. No one would know.
He needed to feel the weight of her breasts in his hands. The softness of her mouth on his. He wanted to draw a groan from deep down inside her until it filled his ears.
“This whole thing with your parents… You’re not upset or pissed, or whatever, over what you lost. You’re upset over what you never had.”
What? He shook himself mentally.
“I didn’t lose good parents. I never had them,” she continued. “Neither did you. You can’t miss what you never had but you can be mad you never had it to miss.”
Christ. She was making too much sense, even though he was struggling to follow what she was saying. And why the fuck was she still talking about people he hated?
He didn’t want to think about her parents right now. He didn’t want to even think about Saylor. He sure as fuck didn’t want to think about how his mother was a cold bitch to him this morning and disappeared as soon as she’d seen him in the house. Or how his miserable, asshole father was still fucking breathing.
Fuck no.
He wanted to think about the woman who stood so close he could smell her citrusy-scented body wash and see how flawless her skin was, all except for the scar she tried to hide.
He could see her chest rising and falling as she took deeper and deeper inhales. He could see her lips parting to release those breaths.
Her palm slipped a little on his stomach. He had no idea if it was by accident or on purpose, but now the tip of her thumb was pressed to the top edge of his waistband.
“Rev.”
“Heard everythin’ you said,” he murmured, right now not even giving a flying fuck about anything she said. Unless it had to do with getting naked with him and sliding down his now-throbbing dick.
“This conversation shouldn’t have made you hard.”
No fuckin’ shit.
“Wasn’t the conversation, buttercup.” She’d noticed how hard he’d become, but did she notice he was hard enough that his zipper was trying to tattoo a pattern into his dick?
Her hand was still there, now pressed to his lower stomach, only a few inches from his hard-on. All she had to do was slide her hand down. Just a little.
Slide it down, Reilly. Touch me ‘cause I can’t touch you.
“We’re not supposed to,” came out on a ragged breath.
“But you wanna,” he said.
Jesus Christ, woman, say no. Say you don’t want me. Say it so I stop bein’ tempted. So you stop temptin’ me.
Her eyebrows rose. “You don’t?”
Reality cracked him upside the head. “You know I fuckin’ can’t,” he practically growled, wanting to punch a goddamn wall.
“You know what? I’m tired of being a pariah in the club. The untouchable one when all I want for you to do is touch me.”
That wasn’t what he needed to hear. He needed to pack his shit tight so he could resist. “Me? Or any one of us? Is it me ‘cause I’m the one here right now, the one who’s available? Or me, ‘cause you only want me?”
“Does it matter?”
His head snapped up and his nostrils flared. His rough words came from the back of his throat in what sounded like a strangled growl. “Yeah, woman, it fuckin’ matters. It sure as fuck matters. If I break this goddamn rule, it needs to be for a good reason and not just to empty my fuckin’ balls. I can do that anywhere where I don’t risk getting maimed. You get me? And I ain’t here just to get you off, either. This will be a huge violation of the rules. A violation that has a worse punishment than what my father could ever give me. Also, don’t think I’m gonna fuck you, then turn around and watch you fuck another one of my brothers. Or anyone else, for fuck’s sake. That shit ain’t ever gonna happen.” He dropped his head until they were practically nose-to-nose. “So, yeah, it fuckin’ matters.”