He nodded. “That’s probably a good idea.”
She looked down at her hands, which she’d pressed flat against her thighs, and took a breath before looking up at him again. “I’m going to have to do this rip-the-Band-Aid-off style, okay? This is not a fun story to tell.”
“Whatever you need,” he said gently.
“So, I know you’re assuming I was sexually assaulted.”
The words were like a punch to his gut, but he managed to nod. “Yes.”
Her throat bobbed as she swallowed. “Well, it’s probably not in the way you’re thinking.” She smoothed the loose fabric of her dress along her thighs in a slow, repetitive motion. “When I was fifteen, I had a huge crush on my neighbor, my best friend’s older brother, Evan. He was twenty-one.”
Hill kept his expression neutral, not wanting to scare her off talking, but the fact that this story was starting with her being a young teen made his fists curl. Someone hadn’t just hurt Andi, they’d hurt Baby Andi.
“I followed him around like a goddamned puppy dog when I went over to their house,” Andi said, derision in her voice. “He was always nice to me but mostly just being polite. Putting up with his little sister’s chatty friend, you know?” She glanced up. “I thought he would never actually notice me or see me as anything but a kid. But then one night, I was having a sleepover with his sister, and I went downstairs in the middle of the night to get some water. Evan was just getting home, and I ran into him in the kitchen.”
Hill noticed goose bumps prickling her arms, making the fine hairs stand up. He resisted the urge to reach out and warm her up, to soothe her in some way.
“He was as surprised to see me as I was to see him. But he couldn’t exactly ignore me, so he had to talk to me. His clothes were dirty, and he had a cut on his arm.” She looked off beyond Hill’s shoulder and rubbed her lips together, like she was seeing the memory. “Of course, I asked him what had happened. He told me he’d been out by the lake because he had trouble sleeping and had drunk a little too much and had fallen down and cut himself on a bush.”
Hill frowned, not understanding where she was going with all this.
“I helped him clean up the cut, and he made me promise not to tell anyone because he wasn’t supposed to be out and he’d sworn to his parents that he’d stopped drinking,” she went on. “I swore I’d never tell because I was so desperate for him to like me. And it seemed to work. After that night, he started paying attention to me, flirting with me when no one was looking, and just generally making me feel special.
“I started sleeping over there more often because it would give me some alone time with him in the middle of the night. He always stayed out late, and I’d sneak out of my friend’s room and wait for him. A lot of times, he’d come back looking like he’d been through something. But I figured he was battling a drinking problem and going through some emotional stuff. I wanted to make him feel better, be there for him.”
Hill’s shoulders were growing tense.
“Eventually, he started telling me that I was the only one he trusted because I kept his secrets and that he adored me and all kinds of romantic nonsense.” She huffed a disgusted sound. “I bought it because it was everything I wanted to hear, and it made me feel more adult. He told me he wished I was older so that we could be together. So, trying to prove the point that I was plenty old enough, I kissed him one night. That gave him the green light he needed—that I was willing and wouldn’t tell. We started sleeping together.” She looked up to meet Hill’s gaze. “He was my first.”
Hill’s throat was tight but he nodded for her to go on.
“My teenage-crush feelings for him made me blind,” she said, tone grim. “So when news stories started popping up about people being murdered in a nearby city, it never even crossed my mind that the dates matched up to some of those times I’d seen Evan come in late.”
Hill’s stomach dropped. Oh, fuck.
She rolled her lips together and gripped the counter, her eyes a little shiny. “And when cops eventually started asking questions, Evan told me what to say, that the whole thing was bullshit and a misunderstanding, that he’d never hurt anyone.” She shook her head. “And I believed him because he’d always been so gentle with me, and I couldn’t imagine him doing those horrible things. So when the cops asked me questions, I lied for him.”
Jesus. Hill’s heart broke for the young, innocent girl Andi had been.
“And his family was loaded, so they hired the best lawyers, and the cops couldn’t charge Evan with what little they had. So, they moved on to other suspects. And I figured it’d all been a big misunderstanding.” She closed her eyes for a moment before opening them again. “But another victim was killed a month later, and I knew for a fact that Evan had been out that night. I didn’t want to believe it was possible, but I decided to ask him.”
“God, Andi,” Hill whispered, fear welling in him even though all of this had happened many years ago.
She made a sound of disbelief. “That’s how dumb I was. It didn’t even occur to me that it could be dangerous to approach him about it. I just didn’t really believe it was possible, but I had to ask. So the next time I met up with him, I let things proceed like normal. He took me to bed, and I told him that he could tell me anything, that I wouldn’t hold it against him, that I loved him.” She grimaced.
“I know now that it made him angry, me questioning him. But he played it off. He smiled and said, ‘Don’t be silly.’ But then once we started to have sex, his expression changed. He whispered against my ear, If you tell anyone what you know, I will tell the world that you helped me. Because you have. I could never have done this without you. You’ve known the truth for weeks and didn’t say a word. You’ve already lied for me. To the police. You’re in this with me, so let’s not pretend otherwise.”
All the air left Hill’s chest.
A tear tracked down Andi’s cheek, and she met Hill’s gaze. “I had to stay calm and let him finish. I had to pretend that yes, I’d already known and that no, I wouldn’t tell on him, that I loved him. Because I knew if I didn’t say that, he’d kill me right there. I could see it in his eyes—the monster that had been hiding behind the facade.” She swiped at her tears.
“I waited for hours until he fell asleep, his arm over me, thinking I’d die if I made a move too soon, and then I finally snuck out. I ran to my parents and told them everything. Evan had already taken off by the time the cops got there, but they tracked him down a few days later two states away, and he was arrested.”
“Thank God,” Hill whispered, his mind reeling.
“My parents and their lawyers made sure my name was kept out of everything since I was a minor, and Evan got convicted on six murder charges and is in jail in Georgia for life.” She met his gaze. “But I spent the next few years having flashbacks, not just of that night and the way it had felt to lie there, knowing he was a killer. I also started picturing his victims, feeling like I was responsible for what had happened to them.”