“I love it out here.” So peaceful. “Why’d you always sleep at my house?”
“You were there.” He leans his weight against the porch rail beside her, his back to the view, and crosses his arms. “Why’d you leave?” He tilts his head toward the house.
Because everything she’s been fighting to ignore wants to be heard. “Those summers at the lake house were the happiest ones I had. They just went away. I felt like I lost your parents. Lily wanted nothing to do with me because Lucas was being an ass and I had no problem telling him so. Then he wouldn’t stop screwing around. Every summer he did something stupid until your parents finally got fed up. I overheard them talking. It’s his fault. He took those summers from us. I pushed him away. Lily too. Then I found you with Macey.”
“So you pushed me away.”
“When I saw you together, I felt like I’d lost everything about those summers. They were well and truly gone.” She looks up at the now black sky and takes a long drag on her smoke. “My dad told me Ethan was the father of Lily’s baby. He’s not, but for years I believed so.”
Blaze whistles. “Shit. That’s why you broke up?”
She nods. “After we did, Lily ran away. I shut everyone out. Since then, I’ve been in one worthless relationship after another.”
“You and Ethan were pretty close.”
She picks up his hand and traces the deep grooves in his palm. His skin is rough near his wrist, dried out from his work. He loves to build, and she should have realized he’s as strong a foundation to her as the ones he pours. “Never like you and me.”
His hand skims up the side of her arm, cups the back of her nape. “Stay with me tonight.”
She tugs his shirt hem. “You know I can’t. Josh. Besides, I’ll keep you up all night.”
His mouth parts and she suspects he’s about to make a wisecrack when his brows draw together. “Nightmares again?” The one that makes her edgy. The one that now carries so much weight given what she’s learned about her dad.
She puts out the cigarette in the ashtray he keeps on the porch for her like a water bowl for a stray cat. She always comes back.
“They’ve been more frequent since Josh arrived. Stress, I guess. I haven’t been sleeping.”
“Same dream?”
“Always.” The nightmare gave her the idea to create her Crimson Wave superheroes. They’d go to battle for her. “I’ve been wondering if there’s some truth to it. What if it really happened?” Something she’s never worried about before. Dwight always convinced her it was just a dream when she sought his comfort.
“You’re still thinking he has something to do with Josh.”
She nods. Outside of Blaze and Amber, Olivia goes to her father when she needs advice. Right now, she doesn’t even want to call him, let alone see him. Fear for Josh and what might have happened to Lily has her frozen. She can’t rely on him, and that feeling has left a hollow ache in the center of her chest.
“I can stay with you,” he says, quietly.
“No, I’ll be fine.” She puts her hand on his chest. He’s solid, her rock. Her thumb rubs the bare skin above his neckline. “I guess I had to lose you to realize I love you,” she whispers, feeling as much as hearing his breath catch.
“You never lost me, Olivia.” He kisses her forehead, letting his lips linger on her cool skin.
“I have to go. Josh—”
“I know.” He nuzzles her neck and whispers his good night.
It’s almost two in the morning when Olivia ventures into her studio, unable to sleep as much as not wanting to, restless about the past few days. Amber left hours ago with her book tucked in her purse and a smile plastered to her face. Her friend didn’t ask what went down at Blaze’s. She knew, thanks to Olivia’s flushed cheeks and fluid movement. So relaxed she practically floated into the house.
But her euphoria post-Blaze wore off quickly as she roamed the darkened rooms waiting for the text that he’d heard from Tyler.
She flips on the light, settling onto the swivel chair, and draws Josh’s stack of panels across the drafting table. She should wait for Josh to explain them, as best as he’s capable, but she’s desperate for answers. She flips through them. Page after page shows Josh with friends, skateboarding at the park or cruising the mall. And Lily, with similar coloring and eyes to her character Dahlia. She’s there, too. But so is someone else, a shadowy figure, his features undefinable, always lurking. Always watching. He’s in every sequence, panel after panel. Dread expands through her like an incoming fogbank, slinking into every limb, spreading her fear for Lily. Josh too. Could this shadowy figure be looking for him? The deeper she gets into the stack, the darker Josh’s illustrations become. Shattered windows, flights of stairs, a crumpled body. She can’t tell if it’s Josh or Lily.
A strong compulsion forces her to look outside the darkened window to see if she’s being watched. Her thoughts arrow to the worst. Lily is dead. And from the looks of Josh’s illustrations, her end was tragic. And preventable. Guilt consumes her. Pain stabs her.
No, she’s not dead.
She’d sense it, wouldn’t she? Josh would be grief-stricken, inconsolable.
Chilled, Olivia leaves the panels in the order she found them. She’ll ask Josh to explain them as best he can in the morning. Or Lily can. When they find her. She wants to hear her sister’s story.
Olivia leaves her studio. She needs a stiff drink and a smoke. Turning on the kitchen light, she rummages through her purse, then yanks open drawers until she remembers she tossed her Marlboros when she returned from Blaze’s. A half-hearted attempt to quit cold turkey. She pulls out the bin from underneath the sink and sifts through soiled towels and crumpled food-stained plastic wrap. So much for trying to kick the habit.
Her fingertips touch the lighter the same instant her phone buzzes. She slams the cabinet door and answers her phone.
“You up?” Blaze asks, his voice gruff.
“Hey, you. Yeah, can’t sleep.” She’s been on edge since before she walked into her studio.
“Me either. I heard from Ty. Mentioned there was a Carson family emergency and you were trying to reach Lily.”
Hope blossoms. “And?”
“He doesn’t have her number,” he says, crushing her. “Says he hasn’t spoken to her since high school. He was curious about said emergency. I didn’t tell him anything.” He exhales loudly. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Josh isn’t his. Nothing would have kept Ty from his kid. Sorry to get your hopes up.”
“That’s okay.” She pinches her nose bridge, near tears. Josh’s panels unnerved her. “Thanks for trying.”
“Anytime. How’s your headspace?”
She rinses and dries her hands. “Forecast says partly cloudy.” She told him she loves him, and she does.
Blaze chuckles. “I’ll take that over stormy. You rocked my world tonight.”
He definitely tilted hers. Though her life has been off-balance all week. Her elbow lands on the table and her forehead in her hand. She looks unfocused at the table, frustrated, and notices Josh’s sketch pad. It’s open to the beach scene with the pier he’s been working on. So is her coffee-table book, the one that fascinated him his first day here.