“Fuck you.” He hated when she held up her glossy mirror. He despised the sight of himself and everything he didn’t do. Or, as of two nights ago, did do. If she only knew he hadn’t bailed. He’ll never tell what he’d been up to. But nothing was more important these past few days than righting the wrong he’d committed. He had to do something for Lily where before he’d done nothing.
“Your vocabulary is stellar, Luc. Give me that.” She snags the bottle and guzzles the wine. Red lines leak from the corners of her mouth. She wipes them off with her sweater sleeve, staining the wool, and starts crying.
“I loved him,” she whispers.
“I know,” he says as gently as he can muster, fighting off his own tears.
“Where is he?”
Lucas shakes his head, praying she doesn’t learn the secret he’s hiding.
“We need to report him.”
Panic, electric and hot, singes his veins. “To the cops? No way.” He surges to his feet and weaves, light-headed. He slaps a hand on the wall. They start digging into the St. John case, they might see Dwight’s death wasn’t an accident. What if the driver of one of those cars that passed on the road remembers his truck? What if traffic cameras caught him following Dwight’s car? Lucas won’t spend another night behind bars if his life depends on it.
He needs a beer. And he needs to get the fuck out of here.
He also needs to get Olivia out of his face before she realizes what he did.
Olivia gets up. “Mom admitted it. Dad killed him. She confessed that she lied about being his alibi. Lily overheard them talking. She got scared and she ran.” She hugs her stomach and leans over. “I can’t believe he’s a murderer. I feel so sick.”
Lucas thinks of his old man picking up women at the bar. The way he fought back in the hotel room. No, he’s not the man Olivia knew him to be. He’s a mean sonovabitch. Lucas has known that for years.
He then thinks of the blank spot in his head. The two-hour time gap riding his ass like a nagging girlfriend.
“No cops.”
She grips his hand. “You’ve got a thing against them. I get that. But shouldn’t we do something?”
“It’s a thirty-year-old murder case. Let it lie.”
“But I’m worried about Mom. And what about Jean St. John? Don’t you think she’d want to know?”
“No!” He bellows louder than he intended. Screw the beer. He’s leaving.
Olivia puts a hand on his chest. “What’s your problem?” His eyes dodge hers. “Lucas?”
His shoulders ripple with tension.
“No.” She backs up a step, shaking her head. He doesn’t meet her eyes. Hers drop to his hands and he sees her swallow hard. His knuckles are chewed up. “What did you do? Where’s Dad? Why isn’t he coming home?”
“I said leave it.”
“What did you do?” she cries. “Please tell me. I have to know. Are you in trouble? Let me help you.”
“I don’t know.” He fends off her hands and the faucet turns back on. “I don’t know, I don’t know.” He covers his face and groans into his hands like a wounded animal. “Don’t ask me. Please don’t ask.”
“Lucas.” He can hear the tears in her voice.
He removes his hands from his face and stares at them as if they belong to someone else. Fingers curled clawlike, his hands shake.
Olivia’s eyes leap to his. “Your face. Is Dad—” She stops, choking on her words. “I can’t say it,” she whispers, pulling at her hair. She walks a tight circle. “Oh, my god. This family.” She hugs her chest and bends over like she’s trying to crawl into herself. An agonizing wail slips through her lips and almost shatters his broken bits.
She loved Dwight so much. The truth about him is hitting her hard. She only saw the good in him, an unrealistic perspective given the monster he’s turned out to be. Olivia was the old man’s favorite.
He cups his hand beside her head, afraid to touch her, unsure how to comfort her or if he can. “I’ll handle this. Just . . . stay out of it.”
She hugs him fiercely. Her cheeks glisten with tears. “Do. Not. Get caught. I can’t lose you, too. Not after Lily.”
Her face falls. Too late. She lost him already. He faded away seventeen years ago. But of their own volition, his arms draw around her. He gives himself over to this moment to be her little brother. To let her love for him soak in.
“I don’t know what to do,” she whines into his shirt.
“Yes, you do. Be there for Josh. He needs you. Lily needs you to watch over him.”
“What about Mom?”
“I’ll stay with her.”
She shakes her head and steps from his embrace. “No, that’s okay. I have to get back to Josh. I’ll take her with me. She shouldn’t be alone.”
If he had any sense of self-preservation, he’d tell her he shouldn’t be alone tonight either. “Go pack her things. I’ll help her to your car.”
“Okay.” She takes a deep breath and squeezes his hand.
Lucas follows her into the bedroom. His mom looks young and frail sleeping on her side. She’s a formidable woman when she wants to be. Gorgeous, alluring. He was only three but he vaguely remembers that afternoon when she invited Benton St. John up to the apartment. Olivia was pissing him off, taking up the entire sandbox with her princess castle. That had to have been the day Lily was conceived.
“Hey, Mom.” He nudges her shoulder. She mumbles incoherently. “Livy’s leaving. She’s taking you with her. Let me help you up.”
She groans, her head lolling to the side. She looks up at him, eyes unfocused from the sedative, and smiles. “Luc darling. You’re home.”
He clasps her hand and eases her up. She doesn’t argue as he walks her to Olivia’s car. But man, she’ll be spitting flames in the morning when she realizes she didn’t sleep in her own bed.
Livy’s problem. Not his. He’ll be long gone by then.
Olivia joins them outside. She tosses Charlotte’s overnight bag in the back seat. He opens the door for her.
“You going to be okay?” she asks.
He nods, his expression controlled.
She cups his jaw, forcing him to look her in the eye. “Don’t do anything stupid.”
“Never.” He smirks.
“Lucas,” she warns.
He sighs. “Promise.” A lie. But sometimes, you gotta so you don’t hurt the ones you love. Assuming he’s capable of loving anymore.
“I’ll call you tomorrow.” She settles into the car. He closes the door. The engine turns over and she backs from the driveway. With one last look at him she waves, watching as if it’s the last time she’ll see him.
If she only knew.
He turns toward the bay and breathes in the ocean air, trying to cleanse what’s rotting inside him. With one last lingering look at his parents’ house, he walks to the water’s edge with the weight of his and his father’s sins on his shoulders.
CHAPTER 34
At Charlotte’s insistence, Olivia drives her mom to her house. Charlotte doesn’t feel comfortable going to Blaze’s. Olivia doesn’t argue. She calls Blaze, and he and Josh join them at her place. He wrapped up two burgers. Charlotte skips dinner. Groggy from her meds, she goes straight to bed. Noticing Olivia’s blood sugar level is crashing, Blaze puts a burger in front of her. To her surprise, she wolfs it down. The burger is easier to swallow than what she just learned. She’s a murderer’s daughter. That was a lot to unpack, and it’ll have to wait until she finds Lily, or whatever happened to her. Josh is her priority, and she needs to keep herself together for him.