I’m desperate to be as far away from him as I can be at the moment, so I peel out of the parking lot and drive as fast as I can to the grocery store. Once I get there, I let my face fall into my hands against the steering wheel, letting out a muffled scream. I don’t even care if anyone can hear me.
I know I sound like a broken record, but what the fuck is wrong with me?
At no point did Cullen tell me he was okay with me sucking him off in my car on the way to practice. I mean, sure he grabbed me, told me to take it out, but I basically took that as my cue and ran with it. He did not look okay after that. Can I go to jail for this?
No. This isn’t high school. At best, I’ll lose my job. That thought certainly doesn’t make me feel any better about myself. I mean, what kind of thirty-two year old woman does that?
After about fifteen minutes of this existential crisis, I get out of the car and head into the grocery store. From there, I run by the post office to drop off a box of returns and once that’s done, I start checking my phone obsessively waiting for Cullen to text me back for a ride home.
Am I insane for wondering if what I did freaked him out and he won’t text me back? Yes. Is it worse I’m worried he won’t text me back? So much fucking worse.
It’s been two hours since I dropped him off and I’ve literally done everything I need to do today, so I head back to the field where I dropped him off. Sitting there in the parking lot, I watch the guys practice, running around and tackling each other, half of them shirtless, and I pick out Cullen immediately. He runs with grace, spinning and dodging the tackles as he dashes down the field with the ball under his arm.
It’s a public park with a large parking lot, so I figure there’s nothing wrong with just taking a walk while I’m here. I am in workout clothes. Locking my door and taking the key, I get out of my car and join the rest of the walkers and joggers on the paved path around the green field. It’s nearly impossible to keep my eyes off Cullen while I walk. He steals attention like a beacon, and I wonder if everyone else has as hard of a time keeping them out of their heads.
On my second lap around, while I stare down at my phone, I catch the eye of Coach Prescott, biting the inside of my cheek as I force a smile.
“Funny seeing you again,” he says casually as I pass by.
“I didn’t know you guys practiced out here,” I lie.
“Yeah, it’s a better field for drills.”
I swallow down the bile rising in my throat as I catch the way his eyes drift down my shirt, focusing a moment too long on my cleavage in this tank. Glancing at the players on the field, I notice Cullen staring, his expression shrouded in anger.
“All right, gotta get these steps in,” I say with a fake laugh as I point at my smart watch.
“Take care.” Even as I leave, I feel his eyes on my ass and I hate myself for even getting out of the car.
“What the fuck was that?” Cullen asks as he meets me at the car twenty minutes later.
“What was what?” I ask in a cool tone.
“Prescott. I want you to stay away from him.” He tosses his duffle bag in the trunk this time, shutting it like this is nothing out of the ordinary.
“He’s harmless,” I reply, knowing it won’t be enough to satisfy his sudden sense of possessiveness.
I don’t bother responding as he jumps in the passenger side, and I’m anxious to get out of there as fast as possible. Even as I start driving toward campus to drop Cullen off at the dorms, I feel the question brewing. This is where I’m taking him right?
“What’s for dinner?” he asks, and I glance over at him.
I let out a frustrated sigh, although somewhere deep down I’m relieved. Even as I make the right toward my house instead a left toward his dorm, I see the red flags popping up. Cullen is taking advantage of me, abusing me, and I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to be liking it.
8
Cullen
“You piece of shit,” he mutters as he slams the fridge closed. “You ate all the pizza”.
I keep my mouth shut. That three-day old pizza was the only thing he’s fed me all week.
“Hey, punk. You better go to the store to get me something to eat. I’m hungry.”
I’m twelve. How am I supposed to go to the store? But still I don’t argue. He doesn’t like it when I talk back. He also doesn’t like it when I ignore him, or breathe, or take up space in his house. Or eat, apparently.
His hand lands hard against the back of my head, but I saw that coming. Still hurts like hell though. I wince over my math notebook and swallow down the lump building in my throat. I hate him so much, and when he gets like this, I focus hard on that hate. It’s like a nuclear bomb goes off inside my head, one of those big mushroom clouds bursting through my brain. That’s the hatred I feel for him, and I can’t wait for the day when I’m bigger than him so I can smack him in the back of the head like he does to me.
These thoughts make it hard to focus on my math homework.
“Your piece of shit dad couldn’t leave you any money, so now you’re my burden I guess. It’s fucking bullshit, that’s what it is. I didn’t want a goddamn kid.” He leans down close to my ear, and the smell of beer singes my nose.
“My stupid whore of a sister never knew when enough was enough.”
The bomb inside me goes off, and I burst out of my chair. I don’t care that he’s still twice my size. I swing at his face anyway. The beer makes him move slow so unlike every other time I try to fight him, this time I actually make contact with his face. Both of us freeze, staring wide-eyed at each other.
I wish I could take it back.
“You’re so fucking dead,” he mutters as he snatches me by the hair and slaps me hard against my face. The whole time he pummels me with his fist, I just keep thinking about the day when I can get my revenge. Revenge on him. Revenge on all of them.
Wiping the steam off the mirror, I try to clear away the memory from the front of my mind. Something about being in Everly’s home is bringing on the flashbacks of the five nightmare years I spent in my uncle’s house. Although this is nothing like that. Maybe because that was the last house I lived in. From the time I was eleven to sixteen I had to share a home with that asshole, but by the time I turned fifteen and had a major growth spurt putting me at nearly six feet tall, he miraculously started leaving me alone. Until the idiot got arrested, and I managed to get emancipated, so I never had to depend on anyone ever again.
Whatever is sizzling in the kitchen when I get out of Everly’s shower smells like heaven. A home cooked meal is so rare for me, I’ll literally do almost anything for one, including blackmail my teacher apparently.
A blowjob and dinner all in one day. I must be doing something right.
I’ll admit, the BJ was unexpected. I had no intentions of laying the moves on Everly, not like that. But she got sassy with me in the car, and it brought out the aggressive side of me, which brought out the turned on as fuck side of me, and the next thing I knew, my dick was hard and she was touching it. It all happened so fast, and it threw me off my game. As sex almost always does.
All through practice I couldn’t land a catch or make a pass without a sudden reminder of her face in my lap, the wet heat of her mouth around my cock, slurping and bobbing on me like I had a gun to her head, which for the record, I did not. She did that all on her own.