Sienna also laughed. “Did you hear what he said to Bonnie? Said it was his ‘new beauty regimen.’ Hilarious. That line is going to show up in my next script.”
Jethro shook his head of shaggy brown hair, chuckling lightly and taking his youngest son out of Sienna’s arms, then bending down to give her a kiss. “Okay, enough excitement. Nap time. See you pretty ladies later.”
“Thanks, honey.” Sienna tossed her long, glossy hair over one shoulder, her dark brown eyes warm with obvious affection as she gazed at her husband. “We’ll be back after lunch.”
“No rush. Take your time. Take all day. I’m sure y’all want to catch up.”
“Are you sure this is okay?” I twisted my fingers, glancing between the two of them. “I know I showed up unannounced.”
Jethro’s grin was friendly and easy, and his brownish greenish eyes twinkled. Then again, they always seemed to twinkle. Whenever I saw Sienna and Jethro at industry events, the man rarely left her side, his hands were all over her, and his eyes twinkled.
He opened his mouth as though to respond, but the oldest of their sons tugged on his cargo shorts before he could. “I’m hot. Can we get ice cream?” The little boy pointed to a sign I recognized from my first visit here, Utterly Ice Cream.
The fat baby/toddler in Jethro’s arms grabbed his dad’s beard with both hands, fisting it and grinning.
“No.” Jethro tried to extract his facial hair from chubby fingers as he steered their three sons down the sidewalk. “We got ice cream at home. And your uncle is coming over."
“Which one?” the oldest asked, automatically reaching out to hold his middle brother’s hand.
“They’ll be fine,” Sienna whispered at my side, giving me a wink. I sent her a look of uncertainty and noted that her eyes were also twinkly. Perhaps people as in love as they were had perpetually twinkly eyes.
“Does it matter which uncle?" Jethro’s voice carried to us as he juggled his three boys and pushed them toward the parking lot where we’d parked earlier.
I heard the middle son say something like, “Can I drive the tractor this time?” just before they were out of earshot.
Sienna sighed next to me, then whispered urgently, “No one approaches when Jet is around, and I’m not saying anyone will. But just to be safe, don’t make any eye contact with the locals if you can help it. Otherwise, we’ll be swarmed.”
I flinched back in alarm. “What?”
“I’m kidding!” Her wide grin returned, and she nudged me in the ribs with her elbow, laughing. “Totally joking. Everyone here is great, super chill. No one really cares that we’re movie people. I haven’t been asked for an autograph since before Jet and I were married. Tons of friends have visited—Tom, Eva, Juliette—no one pays any attention. So as long as you didn’t bring any paparazzi or stalkers with you, we’re good.”
“Oh.” Relief flooded through me. “Okay.” I hadn’t thought about being recognized by moviegoers, or swarmed by fans, or being approached by one of my stalkers when I decided on a whim to come visit.
Admittedly, leaving without at least one guard had been reckless. But I hadn’t given much thought to anything except escaping Los Angeles. A light application of makeup, baggy clothes, and a hat pulled low had been enough of a disguise in the airports.
“What I’m saying is, you can relax. No one cares you’re here. I mean, except for me. I care. Obviously.” Her hand came to my upper arm, and she gave it a little squeeze. “Feel free to be yourself.”
I laughed at that, and I’m sure it sounded weird and sad. Sniffling, I closed my eyes against a rush of tears.
Rae, you are a mess. A. Mess.
“What? What’s wrong?” I felt her move closer, and she dropped her voice. “What did I say?”
“God, Sienna. If I knew how to be myself, I would. I would be her.” Opening my eyes, I compelled my lips to form something like a smile. “I just feel so lost.”
Ugh! I hadn’t meant to say that. I needed to pull myself together. If Aristotle was right and knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom, then I was the dumbest person on the planet.
Concern wrinkled her forehead and her eyes darted over my face. “What’s going on?”
Gathering a deep breath for boldness—be bold!—I planned to make some joke about their twisty unmarked streets and the backwoods roads my taxi had navigated to her house, but instead I blurted the words I’d been thinking for over a year, “I think I want to retire.”
Sienna stared at me, her eyes wide. “Retire?”
“You know, retire,” I whispered, like it was a secret. Which, I supposed, it was since I hadn’t confessed this to another soul until just now. “I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?”
I rubbed at my forehead, feeling ridiculous. “I'm sorry because I dropped in without warning on your doorstep today and ruined your plans with your handsome husband and adorable children. And now you’re not having the day with your family that you planned.”
She continued staring at me, like she was trying to figure me out. “I told you it was fine when you arrived. I mean, I was surprised when you showed up, and especially without some sort of a security detail—that seemed odd—but I would much rather you show up on my doorstep unannounced than continue to ignore my calls.”
“Oh yeah, speaking of, I’m sorry about that too.” Acutely, I became aware that we were standing in the middle of the sidewalk, blocking traffic, and forcing people to walk around us. I pulled Sienna to one side and into the nook created by the window display of an antique shop and the corner of the adjacent building. “But I wasn’t technically ignoring your calls. I’m ignoring everyone’s calls.”
She gave her head a little shake. “What is going on with you?”
I watched her, my brain in a riot. Get back on the rails, Rae. Your champagne problems are not Sienna’s problems. They’re not even real problems.
She stepped closer at my silence. “Rae, are you okay?”
“Yes. Yes, I’m fine. Totally fine.” I laughed, working to slip into the character I usually played at industry events. I hadn’t come here to make her worry. I came here to . . . “I’m not even sure why I’m here, honestly.” Still struggling to smile, I infused a lightness I didn’t feel into my words. “I guess I just wanted to see how country life is treating you, take in the sights, have myself hoedown.”
Have myself a hoedown? Really? Could you be any weirder? Had I been this inept at conversation the last time I was here, five plus years ago? I didn’t think so.
But a lot had changed. I’d gone from rising Hollywood star who was good at faking bravado to an A-list celebrity with a team of people to manage my money, and a team of people to manage those people, and a team of people to manage me.
Which brings me back to Sienna. We hadn’t engaged in more than a quick conversation at a red carpet event since before her wedding. In order to avoid severe-conversation-flail, maybe I simply needed to think of Sienna as a professional colleague instead of as a . . . what? Friend? Were we even still friends? We used to be.