“You want to break up?” I ask slowly, because I’m still confused as fuck.
She shakes her head. “No, I don’t think that’s what I want. I just want some time to handle things. To focus on Felicity and get this thing with Shane under control. I want a break, because when I’m with you, you make me forget everything else. Some would say that’s a good thing, but with you… it’s not. You’d make me forget the world and I can’t afford to do that right now.”
There’s part of what she’s saying that makes me feel good. That she feels so deeply for me, it’s become a complication.
I suppose that’s better than her not feeling nearly enough for me to keep me around.
I think.
Fuck if I know.
I’ve never had a serious girlfriend before.
“So you want a break?” I ask for clarification.
“I’m not sure,” she replies in a pained whisper.
“You want me to stay away? Not contact you?”
She nods. “I mean… I know we’ll run into each other, but…”
Her words trail off.
We’ll run into each other.
That sounds like a long fucking break to me, and I don’t like the sound of that at all.
My choices are clear. I can give her what she asks for and wait for her.
Or I can cut things off right now and be on my way, because while I’m apparently a complication to her, she’s become a complication to me now that my heart got tied up.
I do the only thing I can do. Stepping into her, I dip my head and kiss her on the cheek. Pulling back, I look her in the eye. “You call me when you’re ready to give this a go again, okay?”
Relief floods her eyes, followed by wetness. I don’t want to see those tears drop so I give her an understanding smile and move past her to the door.
CHAPTER 26
Emory
He’s going to think I’m the absolute nuttiest woman he’s ever known and he’s going to send me packing. For all our big words and denials—how much we don’t like complication—the fact of the matter is that things have been so easy between Jett and me.
Even when things got serious.
The only complication that marred things was the one I created in my head just about two hours ago when Shane showed up at my house.
I knew I had been feeling out of sorts, all because Shane was using again and it was going to be a monster to deal with. That foreboding was pressing so heavily on me, that I was feeling a distinct lack of bandwidth to handle things in my life. I told Jett as much when we talked to each other on the phone just before his game last night.
But still, by the end of the call, he was the one I wanted to spend my extra time with. In my heart, I knew he would be nothing but good for me.
Then Shane showed up tonight and ruined our dinner.
Fucking Shane.
I would have preferred he come to my door blitzed out of his mind, but he was stone-cold sober. It wasn’t all that big of a surprise, because there are chunks of time Shane could withstand sobriety. It was usually calculated and to make an impression, so I took measure of his eyes. While bloodshot, they were focused, and I knew he was going to put on a show.
I invited him in because I knew I was safe in doing so. I knew Jenna had taken Felicity to get her bath, and Jett was a few steps away in the kitchen, I’m sure listening intently. I didn’t care what he heard.
What I did care about was letting Shane say his piece, and then being done with him. I expected his apology. I even expected him to ask to see Felicity which was a strong “no”.
But I wasn’t prepared for his anger. His subtle threat that he wasn’t leaving until he saw Felicity, which Jett thankfully squelched. The worst thing that happened was when Jett’s protection of me led to Shane’s last angry outburst—the fuck you—before he stomped off, and that changed everything.
It brought me right back to the time that Shane lost control and hit me. While I’m not fearful of him in that way, I am fearful he’s going to make this a war when it comes to visitation of our daughter.
I felt pressed down into the dirt by the weight of the problems I was facing. I knew I had a major fight coming and that my daughter was going to get caught in the middle no matter how hard I tried to shield her. That’s because Felicity wants to see her dad, and I’m sick to my stomach thinking how to break this stuff to her. I know I’ll need help, so I’ll be calling Nora tomorrow. I want to move quickly to get her into therapy so she has resources other than me and Jenna to help her.
When the door shut behind Shane, all of those problems were pushed to the side as I considered Jett and what my mind now perceived as a complication. The fact that I have major responsibilities in my life, that I don’t think I can be stretched any thinner having one more. While Jett is caring, funny, loyal, and steadfast, I feel such an obligation to give him my best that I already feel as if I’m failing.
I told him I needed a break.
Room to breathe.
Time to think.
In reality, I didn’t want to worry about him. I didn’t want to have to feel guilty if I couldn’t come to his condo to stay the night because Felicity was having a hard time. I didn’t want to have to tell him I couldn’t have lunch with him because I had to get documentation against Shane together for my lawyer. I most certainly didn’t want to have to cancel plans with Jett because I was so utterly exhausted from dealing with all this crap.
I was afraid of failing him.
I was afraid of failing myself.
Of course, it didn’t take long for me to step back from the situation and reconsider my line of thinking. It certainly didn’t hurt focusing me when Jenna called me a dumbass after I told her I wanted a break. Felicity had long been asleep and Jenna was just waiting to pounce on me.
She was actually kind of a bitch about it, but her words had impact. “You sent Jett packing because you’re trying to simplify things and stay away from complications, and that’s ironic as hell, because you’re the one who’s complicated. All the shit you’ve got going on in your life—demanding career, single parenting, ex-husband drug addict—and you’re calling Jett the complication? Hell, he should be the one running in the opposite direction, and yet all he did was say to call him when you were ready. That man is going to wait for you to get your head screwed on straight.”
I blinked at her in shock.
Blinked again.
Opened my mouth to deny.
Slammed it shut.
Realized she was right and I was such a jackass for ever daring to insinuate to that beautiful man that he was adding complication to my life.
I groaned. Cursed at myself. Spouted self-recriminations, and all the while, Jenna nodded along in agreement with me.
“I’ll go call him,” I’d told her, moving toward the hall with the intent of going to my bedroom for privacy.
She grabbed my arm, swung me around in the opposite direction, and pushed me toward the door. “You need to go see him. He deserves more than a call.”
She was right, and now I’m parallel parked on the street outside his building. I didn’t give him a heads up for fear he’d tell me not to come. On the off chance he’s become pissed at me in the last few hours, I knew he’d feel obligated to let me up if I came without advance notice.