“Boy or girl, our baby is going to be a looker.”
“You think?”
“If they’re anything like their mother, then yes.”
“Smokey, don’t. I know I’m not a looker or anything. Please, don’t insult me like that.”
He reached out, taking her hand. She hated how nice that felt. His touch surrounding her, making her feel so many different emotions. None of them had anything to do with hate or shame.
She … missed him.
Damn it. She missed him so much.
Ava pulled her hand away.
“I know that asshole ex of yours did a number on you. What I said that … day. I lied. Everything I said about you was a lie.”
“We don’t have to do this.”
“We do. We’re going to have a baby together, and fuck me, Ava, I’m going to need all the help I can get. You think I don’t know how messed up I am? What I did? What I caused?”
Ava felt her tears well.
“I took a lifetime of betrayal and I assumed you were exactly the same. That’s on me. I fucked up big time.”
“I really don’t want to talk about this.” Being out in the open, talking to him about that kind of pain, she wouldn’t be able to contain her emotions for too long.
He sighed.
Olive saved them from more pain as she brought out their food. She’d never been more grateful for an interruption.
The moment the plates were in front of her, she understood why it was the house special. Food was everywhere. Burgers with two, or did she count three burgers? Lots of lettuce, tomato, cheese, and sauce leaked out of the sides. It looked like a precarious leaning tower. That wasn’t all. Macaroni and cheese was also on the plate, with a large order of fries.
Smokey didn’t reach for his food though. He took her hand, running his thumb across her knuckles. “I know sorry isn’t going to cut it but one day soon, we’re going to have to have that talk.”
Ava forced herself to look at him. “I know, but I don’t want to have that talk in a diner with people present.”
He agreed. “Enjoy.”
With their conversation, her appetite had waned. The amount of food was too much to send back.
Picking up her fork, she scooped up some macaroni and took a bite. It was so good. Completely unhealthy food, but it was so good, and strangely enough, exactly what she craved. She didn’t know how it happened, but she had finished her food in record time. The fries, macaroni, and burgers were all gone, while Smokey still had some food on his plate.
“I didn’t realize I was so hungry.”
Smokey chuckled. “I love a woman with an appetite.”
“That was so good.” She rubbed at her lips with a napkin, not that there were any leftovers to wipe away. She leaned back and put a hand to her stomach.
“Good?”
“Really, really good.” She smiled as he finished off his food.
“Do you want dessert?”
“No. Absolutely not. I don’t even know how I’m going to be able to move when I head back to the shop.”
Smokey chuckled. “It feels good to feed you.”
Ava didn’t say anything.
Olive came back to fill his coffee. The scent wasn’t making her queasy, but she settled on some iced tea to help her. The fruitier the better.
“So how is everything going with Harlow?” he asked.
Ava was slightly surprised by the change in conversation, but she welcomed it. They would have the real talk soon, but until then, she was happy to play it safe.
“She’s doing really good. I adore her.”
“Big Dick says she does nothing but talk and can be an irritating bitch.” Smokey winced.
Ava shrugged. “I love that about her. I don’t have to fill in the blanks. I’m not a very talkative person anymore.”
“That’s my fault,” he said.
“Look, Smokey, I’m just … my head is full with a lot of things going on. It’s not always about you. I hope you understand that.” She tried to smile. It was always about him, but she didn’t want to talk about it.
There was no way he wanted or needed to hear how she stayed up all night thinking about the women he was screwing. He didn’t need to know how she hoped one day she could forget all about what happened. Nor did he need to know how she wished he loved her. He said he did, but she didn’t believe it.
“How is the club?” she asked.
“We’re doing good.” He sat up and leaned forward. “Actually, I wanted to let you know I won’t be around much next week. I’ve got to take care of some club business in the city. I was wondering when I came back if you’d be interested in doing some baby shopping.”
“Baby shopping?” she asked.
“You know, a stroller, crib, breastfeeding stuff.”
Her cheeks heated. “You’ve been thinking about this?”
“I … figured it would be nice to know what we want to do. Breastfeeding is good for the baby, or so I’ve read.”
She laughed. “I was going to breastfeed.”
“Good. Good.”
Ava glanced down at the time and saw how late it was getting. “I really need to be getting back.”
“Right, of course.” He signaled the waitress for them to start finishing Harlow’s order.
Smokey paid, refusing to let her.
He walked her back to the bakery. She held Harlow’s food. It was awkward as she waited.
She looked at Smokey, and he leaned in close only to take a step back. “I’ll see you when I get back.”
She didn’t say anything, instead, watching him go.
****
“How’s Ava?” Raven asked.
Smokey turned to her, but he didn’t want to talk. “Fine.”
“Look, I know you hate me.”
“No, Raven. You’re wrong. I don’t hate you. I can’t hate you.”
“After what I did?”
Smokey checked to see the loading dock before he gave her his full attention. “You can try to take the blame for what went down, but it’s not on you. It’s on me. I’m the one who told you to do what you did. You can’t blame yourself. I’m sorry Ava won’t talk to you.”
Raven quickly looked away, but he saw the pain in her eyes. She thought she wasn’t easy to read, but he knew.
“I miss her,” Raven said. “I haven’t been good at making friends. Since it all happened, Abriana won’t have me around either. I lost the two friends I thought I had.”
He didn’t say anything as it was once again, all his fault.
“How is the pregnancy?”
“Good. The baby appears healthy.”
“Will you both be getting back together?”
“Raven, I really don’t want to talk about it.” The last of product was unloaded and Smokey stepped forward, shaking the mafia man’s hand. A brown envelope was given to him, and he took it, turning on his heel and leaving.
His men were already on their bikes, and Raven was to the left, straddling hers. She refused to stay at home.
Now he understood why. If Abriana wasn’t seeing her, nor Ava, Raven didn’t have anyone else. She didn’t have anything outside of the club.