“I think we have enough secrets between us.”
I shrug, stealing glances every few seconds like a compulsion. I just have to. “I like our secrets.”
She makes a humming sound in the back of her throat as she bends down to coat the roller with more paint before returning it to the wall. “I like our secrets too. Even when I shouldn’t. They feel better than others though,” she whispers so low I have to strain to hear her over the sound of paint and Aria and Wes chatting way across the apartment.
She moves farther away from me, coating more and more of my wall, and though I’m tempted to follow her around the whole place, peppering her with questions about what she just said, I let her go. Wes’s words pounding through my head. She’s a good person. Has a huge heart, and the last thing I’d ever want to see is someone who has no intention of caring for her hurt her.
But what if I didn’t hurt Rina?
What if I made her smile and laugh and brought her pleasure? What if she does the same for me? Am I not entitled to any of those things when right now, those things feel impossible?
Rina and I are the same.
Lost and lonely but hell-bent on hiding it from everyone else. But we’re also fighters, she and I. And maybe that’s why we’re so drawn to each other. We recognize pieces of ourselves in the other.
After what she’s been through, she doesn’t want a relationship or anything serious, and right now, it’s just not an option for me to offer a woman a future when I’m only here a year. We could be perfect for each other in that.
So yeah, what if Aria and Wes are wrong? What if it was always meant to be Rina? Even if just for a little while?
14
rina
I can’t decide if I’m happy I came here today or not. Being around Brecken leaves me nothing short of guilty and conflicted. Especially when Aria is right here and I’m hiding so much from her.
“You know, you really should let me paint a mural on your wall,” Aria muses, her paint-covered fingers tapping on her chin. Aria, as usual, is covered in paint. I mean, the girl is a mess. How she managed to get in such a state is beyond me. The rest of us have a splatter here or there, but nothing like this girl.
“A mural?” Brecken parrots, his eyebrows furrowing as he stares at the wall in question.
“Yeah. Something cute. Like a bunny hopping through the forest with Bambi.”
Brecken makes a snorting sound in the back of his throat.
Aria turns to him, her eyebrows pinched, and I cannot tell if she’s kidding or not. “No? You want something darker? More masculine?” She drops her voice on the last word and both Wes and I exchange bemused glances.
“Is she like this at home when she paints?” I question, and all he can do is shake his head, like I shouldn’t ask.
“I used to think it was the paint fumes, but now I know it’s just the insane artist side of her.”
“Rude.” Aria smacks at Wes’s chest, leaving a grayish handprint on his shirt. “But probably accurate. Unlike you losers, I embrace my weird. I always have.”
“True,” Wes concedes. “And I did always love your weird. It certainly has never been boring.”
Wes gets another smack, but Aria’s over it. Her attention is now on me. “I’m being serious here, Rina. Don’t you think some dope-ass art should adorn this huge blank wall?”
“Um. Yes? But I don’t really see Brecken as a Thumper and Bambi sort of guy.”
“Thumper. That’s right. I couldn’t remember the bunny’s name. Okay. What about something really cool and abstract. Oh, or a woman in a sheer dress in a field. Something Pierre Auguste Cot-ish.”
“Who?” Brecken replies completely bewildered. “Aria, what are you even talking about? Did you drink paint instead of the Diet Coke I gave you with lunch? You do remember I rent this place.”
She snorts. “But you should own it. And no, I didn’t drink paint. It has a very strange taste. Almost like clay and dirt combined with plastic. I’m not a pica girl, Breck.”
“Um. Aria, I think you need some air.”
She turns to me. “Did you know you have paint smeared on your forehead?”
I sigh. Yes, I did know that. Brecken gave me that one when he pretended to wipe imaginary dirt from my forehead.
“Here. Let me add to it.” And before I can say boo about it, Aria takes both of her hands that evidently still have wet paint on them and wipes her fingers down my cheeks. “There. Now you look badass. Like a battle warrior. Like Joan of Arc.”
“Awesome. That was obviously the look I was going for,” I deadpan. Bending down, I dip my fingers into the paint tray beside me and return the favor, smearing cold thick gray lines all over her face and even a stripe down her nose.
“That’s the spirit.” Aria laughs, throwing me a wink. “I was getting really tired of your frown.”
Shit. Have I been frowning all day? I didn’t think I was, but evidently painting is more tedious than I was expecting it to be and even though we were all talking and listening to music, my thoughts took over, leading me down dark and turbulent paths more frequently than I wanted.
“Please, do not start a paint fight while you’re standing over the newly refinished hardwood floors.”
“One, two, three, four, I declare a paint war.”
“Aria,” Brecken warns.
She rolls her eyes. “God, Breck. You’re no fun either. You should see my studio.”
“I have. That’s precisely why I don’t want you to start the fight I know you’re itching to start. I. Rent. This. Place.”
“Fine. I won’t start a paint war. Instead, how about Wes and I go buy a couple bottles of wine and some pizza while you two finish up the last corner over there. Then we’re done since you won’t let me paint the loft upstairs. Time to celebrate. Woo-hoo.” Aria throws her hands up in the air and saunters off for the bathroom, hopefully to clean her face and hands before she goes out in public.
“How do you live with her, man? Doesn’t she drive you crazy?”
Wes smirks at Brecken. “Yes. Every day. And I wouldn’t change a hair on her head.”
Damn. I love Wes. I’m so happy he’s with Aria because just how perfect is he? It still boggles my mind that I started working with Drew shortly after I moved to Boston three years ago and Aria and Wes never reunited until Josh, Aria’s best friend, was attacked and put in the hospital and Wes was his surgeon.
I saunter over to Wes and give him a kiss on the cheek. He gives me a what-was-that-for look, and I can only smile. “Aria knows what I like on my pizza and what kind of wine I like to drink.” Then I scoop up the roller and get to work on finishing up the stupid corner.
It’s seriously taken four of us all damn day to paint this place.
We took a break for lunch, but other than that, we haven’t stopped. “Did you have to rent such a big place?” I lament to Brecken who has come to join me since Aria and Wes just left.
“How come you kissed Wes and not me?”
I throw Brecken a side-eye. “Jealous?”
“Yes. Very.”
“It’s weird that I met you in New York and then shortly after moving here, I met and became friends with Aria. She was dating Drew at the time and I worked with him and Margot in the ED. Hell, I started working with Wes like two years ago.”