“You two have so many things to prepare. And you’re shopping for a nursery?”
“Yes. She asked in passing, and I agreed. Figured I’d get the same one for my house. That way, when he’s with me, everything is familiar.”
“That’s a great idea actually.” I let out a ragged breath.
“Right. Well, let me grab my things, and we’ll get going.” He turns and enters his office.
When Miles returns, he’s rubbing the back of his neck as he takes a seat at his desk.
Good to see I’m not the only one who found that entire exchange to be uncomfortable.
Now, if only I had the guts to tell Sebastian how I really felt.
Maybe first, I should be honest with myself.
I just don’t know where to start.
Chapter Nineteen
Sebastian and I leave his office and walk to the parking garage in his building before hopping in the car and heading to his home.
On the drive, all I can think about is the encounter with Lauren. I can’t imagine being in her shoes. Being pregnant with a man’s baby who is dating someone else has to be a horrible feeling. You should be basking in the planning, together as a couple, not having scheduled appointments. I wouldn’t be surprised if she views me as an intrusion in her future plans. Perhaps she’s waiting on Sebastian to have his fill of me and move on … or move back to her.
When we get to his house, Sebastian goes to change out of his suit. I go straight for Lady Featherington and Duke, who are pawing at my knees, ready to go out. I put their leashes on and grab a bag, taking them out for their walk.
Usually, Sebastian and I take them out together, but tonight, I want some fresh air for myself. I’ve been in the kitchen all day, so stretching my legs on a warm summer evening is exactly what I need to defog my brain.
The dogs are a great distraction. Duke is very protective of Lady Featherington. Every time she squats to pee, he stands at attention, as if he were blocking her from prying eyes. When she’s done, she wipes her feet on the grass and then struts forward, taking the lead with Duke on her tail. If another dog comes near them, Duke rushes forward and snarls at them, keeping them away from his lady. When he becomes distracted by a passing car, she growls at him and sets him back on his walk.
I’ve caught the two snuggled together on the sofa more than once. She always lets him eat the Kibbles ’n Bits first, which I think is because she knows he likes to devour only the soft pieces. And when he gets lost in chasing his tail, which he does often, she barks at him until his attention is diverted to something else, like a chew toy or Sebastian’s slipper, which is the only item of his that he likes to destroy.
Back at the house, I head straight to the kitchen, needing to continue keeping my mind busy and off of questioning everything, so I start heating up the dinner I prepared earlier today—the lobster bisque I planned to serve Sebastian months ago. I take it out of the Tupperware and pour it into a pot to simmer on low. I also packed two small containers of chocolate. One cocoa and one a very special blend.
When Sebastian enters the room, wearing the sexiest pair of gray sweats and a tight-fitted black shirt that shows off his ridiculously perfect physique, my insides melt at the sight of him.
I turn back to the soup and give it a final stir before shutting it off.
Sebastian comes up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my neck. “You sure are quiet tonight.”
Before my mind can think, I blurt out, “Does Lauren ever ask about getting back together with you?”
He lets out a surprised huff as he holds me closer. “I knew that was what was wrong. Meeting Lauren freaked you out. That’s my fault. I shouldn’t have waited so long.”
I let out a breath and drop the back of my head to his chest. “Yes. It would be nice to have a warning next time. I would have worn something better. Maybe added some lipstick.”
“You’re perfect.”
“I came from a long day of work.”
“You’re gorgeous. No woman in the world holds a candle to you.”
“She does in so many ways. And I can’t imagine how she feels, being pregnant with your child, yet here you are … with me.”
“Hey.” He turns me around, so I’m facing him. His knuckle glides under my chin, bringing my gaze to his sincere expression. “Don’t forget that she’s the one who broke it off with me. Yeah, we started to drift and never truly clicked, but she’s the one who finally put the stop to it. She doesn’t want me, and I’m relieved. Don’t ever feel like you’re in the middle or that you’re some kind of other woman. We’re both very fine with this situation.” He pauses and smiles with a light laugh. “Actually, better than fine. It is what it is, and we’re going to co-parent, but no, there has been zero discussion on possibly getting back together.”
“But you didn’t break it off with her. You …” I pause, feeling like this is all too ridiculous. My concerns sound so childish. I put a stop to them, close my mouth, and look away.
When I don’t meet his eyes, he places his finger on the side of my face and tilts my head up.
“I don’t like to see you like this. Please, tell me what’s really on your mind. No holding back,” he says with a tone of worry.
His voice makes my heart turn into goo on an ordinary day. When it’s deep with a whisper of concern, I’m so weak to his trance that I give in.
“I just feel like I’m in the way. If I weren’t here, would you two try to make a go of it? She sure seemed to stake her claim on that when we met. Don’t you think when he’s born, you two will try to give your child a life that’s not illegitimate? One where you can shop for one crib instead of two or make a schedule of where the baby sleeps on what day and who gets to decide what pediatrician you use or where he goes to school? And her family wouldn’t be surprised to meet the baby daddy because you’d be a regular fixture in their lives. Holidays, birthdays, Sunday dinners … everything would just be as it should. But here I am, a big roadblock. That’s probably what your family will think when they meet me. Sebastian’s other woman who is keeping him from his rightful family.” I run my hand in my hair and groan. I’m so annoyed at myself for saying all that stuff, let alone actually feeling it.
His face falls as he pulls me into him. I fall into his chest as he wraps his arms around my back and head, enveloping me in a huge hug. I sink into him and feel so embarrassed.
“Hey now. That was a huge leap. I want to hear all your thoughts, even the bad ones.”
“I don’t sound crazy?” I ask, righting myself and looking up at him.
He caresses the side of my head and smiles. “Absolutely batshit.”
I groan again, but he halts me from hiding into his chest and grips me by the arms. He bends down slightly, making sure his eyes are locked in with mine.
“Amy, you’re right.”
My eyes widen as I wonder which point in particular I’m right about. I said so many things, which means this could easily have me devastated.
“None of this is how it’s supposed to happen. I hate having to pick out double of everything and relinquish some of my rights as a parent. I despise that my mother is uncomfortable with announcing to her friends that she’s expecting a grandchild because she’ll have to explain the situation. My mother is lovely, but she’s old-fashioned in some ways. And what I wouldn’t give to be able to lie in bed at night and feel my son kick. Lauren’s always texting me that she’s feeling them, but I’ve yet to, and it kills me.” He narrows his brow and seems almost pained. “All that is what I want, but there is no denying that it won’t happen with Lauren. I don’t love her. It’s as clear as that. I love you.”