We all laugh, but I think Nikki is serious.
“I gained five pounds.” I stare at my stomach, loving the little human inside but feeling as though my body grows more foreign to me with every day that passes.
“We just came from the monthly doctor visit,” Logan informs them before shaking Xavier’s hand and going around the room to say his hellos.
“You need to gain weight for the baby,” Mom says.
“I know, Mom.” When did my voice turn into the sixteen-year-old version of myself? Oh yeah, when I couldn’t fit into my clothes and I stopped being able to see my ankles. Not that I want to see how swollen they are already.
“You’ll be fine. You have a strong husband who will help you lose the weight after the baby arrives,” Cade leans forward and says.
Presley pinches Cade’s thigh, and he howls in pain.
What a wuss. I’d like to see him squeeze a baby out of a pinhole.
“Speaking of, why don’t you have Logan get you in shape?” Xavier’s looking at Presley and thumbing toward my husband.
“What is he talking about?” I ask the girls.
Clara’s busy giving Xavier the evil eye.
“I’m worried I won’t fit in my dress,” Presley admits.
While I opted for a Vegas wedding—opted might be the wrong word, since I got drunk and ended up having Elvis tie the knot—Presley and Cade are having a big affair in the fall. They’ve rented out Mandi’s inn for all of Presley’s family and are getting married on a yacht. I warned them that they could be asking for trouble with people getting seasick, but they didn’t care about my opinion.
“You’ll be fine,” I assure Presley.
I mentally add her concern to the list of reasons why it’s good that Logan and I got hitched the way we did—I never had to worry about this stuff.
“What do you want? To lose weight or not have jiggly arms?” Logan asks.
If he was close enough, I’d be pinching him like Presley did with Cade. What is he thinking?
Presley lifts her arms and waves her hand as though she’s waiting for her arm to jiggle. “Do I have the bye-bye arms?” Her tone tells me she’s about one second from bursting into tears and she’s not even the overly emotional one out of the crew.
“No. You’re fucking perfect.” Cade pulls her closer and narrows his eyes at Logan.
“I just want to lose weight. Running or something,” she says.
“I could do some circuit training with you. That way you’re building muscle and losing fat at the same time. The more muscle you have, the more calories your body will burn on its own.” Logan more than makes up for his remark. “It won’t take much.”
I smile at him. He better do the same for me when I’m back to only housing one person in my body.
“That sounds great,” Presley says.
“I’ll join her,” Clara chimes in.
I sulk next to them, pissed I can’t do the same. Running my hands over my stomach, I allow my head to fall back against the couch. This baby boy never stops moving, which is probably something he gets from his dad. While I’m happy watching reality television at night, Logan has decided that during commercial breaks, he’s going to do push-ups and sit-ups. Do you have any idea how pathetic that makes me feel?
Mom pats my knee. “Why are you worried about childbirth?”
“Because someone thought we needed to be prepared.” I eye Logan, who sheepishly looks behind him as if someone else is at fault.
“Meaning?” Clara asks, but the twist in her lips says she knows exactly where I’m going with this.
“We watched a birthing tape,” I say.
“Oh, Logan,” Presley says.
My mom and Clara groan in unison.
“Like the one in health class sophomore year?” Clara asks.
I nod. “More like YouTube. Did you know they have live births on there?” A full-body shiver racks my body as I remember.
“Listen.” Logan holds up his hands. “When I was fighting, you saw everything through, learned as much as you could about your opponent, collected all the information you could so you were prepared for anything.”
“The baby isn’t our opponent,” I deadpan.
“No, but you have to be prepared. This way there’re no surprises.”
I get what my loving husband was trying to do, but seeing a live birth and what’s going to happen to my body is unsettling, to put it mildly. We’ve barely been married that long and now my body is going to change forever. What if… ugh! I shake my head, not wanting to think about Logan never looking at me with the intensity he does now.
“And now how do you feel?” I ask him.
“I’m good. I like to know what we’re in for.”
I tilt my head. “So you liked the fact that my hoo-ha is going to be ripped open and sewn back together?”
Logan stares for a moment. A noise comes out of Xavier as if he’s twelve and just realized how women have babies.
“That doesn’t happen to everyone.” Mom pats my leg again.
Clara and Presley’s faces are now ghost-white. Cade leans in and whispers something to Presley—probably asking if her perfect pussy will be destroyed while delivering his precious baby. And the answer is a resounding YES! Just the thought of a head poking out that hole makes me nauseated again.
“You’re going to be fine, and you’ll still be the hottest and most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.” Logan sits on the arm of the couch, leaning down to kiss my cheek. “I’m sorry again,” he whispers.
Hank comes in from outside. “Lights are up, my darling.” Then he notices all of us. “No one thought to join me outside?”
“I tried. You’re stubborn,” Cade says, which probably means they were bickering. Ever since Cade has tried to step in and act as if Hank is old and unable to do things, Hank works twice as hard to prove him wrong. It’s a vicious cycle that drives everyone nuts.
“I hung most of them,” Xavier chimes in.
Logan holds up his hands. “Sorry, I just got here.”
“How does Rylan get out of helping?” Xavier asks. “We always had to be Dad’s helper.”
“He just got back from soccer,” Mom says as though that’s an excuse.
I’m with Xavier. No one had a free pass in our household either. Rylan’s the most spoiled kid ever. They better watch out or he’s going to be an entitled asshole when he grows up.
“Hey, I hope it’s okay, but we invited Gavin Price,” I tell Hank and Mom.
“The actor?” Clara asks with piqued interest.
I peek at Xavier from the corner of my eye, and I swear his jaw tics.
“Yeah. He’s thinking of buying a house up here and doesn’t know many people. Figured I’d invite him to meet our family since we practically make up half the town.”
We all laugh.
“It’s fine, but just so you know, Grandma Ethel and Dori are bringing Midge,” Mom says.
“Someone hide the silverware,” Presley says, and we all laugh again.
The garage door opens and shuts, and we listen as someone grabs a drink from the laundry room fridge. Then Posey comes bouncing in looking like she just did five rounds with Logan.