“Why are you calling me in for that?” I said, even though this was exactly what I’d expected. I hadn’t promised to make this an easy talk.
He gave me what must have been his best “cut out the crap” look, which to be fair was pretty effective. “I have eyes. You might be getting off on heckling her right now, but that doesn’t make you a disinterested party.”
Oh, we were getting into the boardroom lingo now, were we? I leaned back against the wall with a roll of my eyes. “And you figure you’re an ‘interested’ party?”
“Interested enough that I’m bothering to look out for her, which is more than you’ve attempted to do,” Elias returned.
“So it doesn’t count that I’m looking out for the fact that she shouldn’t even be here, which you’ve got to know as much as I do?”
“Let’s just hear what he has to say already, Jenson,” Ryo broke in, as if he’d have put up any protest no matter how much of a prick anyone else was being rather than coasting along with the flow.
“Fine.” Despite myself, I was kind of curious what the guy had to say. “Have the floor, teach.”
Elias drew in a breath, looking as if he was feeling some regret about calling this huddle. “We’re all… invested in her, to some extent. Can we agree on that?”
“Sure,” Ryo said, and I shrugged, which was the easiest acknowledgment I could offer.
Elias nodded. “Do either of you want to see her putting herself through this hell anymore? Jenson is right about one thing—she doesn’t belong here. As you’ve made abundantly clear to her in the most caustic possible way.” His eyes narrowed on me for a moment.
“And making it caustically clear has worked so well,” I said sarcastically. “Why don’t you hassle the guy who’s been doing the opposite of his bit?” I waved my hand toward Ryo, who as far as I could tell had been doing whatever he could to seduce Trix into staying.
“Of course I don’t think she should be stuck here,” Ryo said, his shoulders coming up defensively. “But she is—I think that’s become incredibly obvious. Why shouldn’t she have someone to turn to, someone who’s at least willing to take the edge off instead of making the situation even more awful?”
“Oh, yeah, I’m sure you’re only thinking about selfless generosity when you’re getting cozy with her.”
The remark came out more cutting than I’d expected, with a flare of irritation and, okay, maybe some jealousy that I’d never have admitted to him. I was trying to shove her out of here regardless of what satisfaction I might have gotten from her presence if I’d taken a different tactic, and this guy wanted to pretend making out with her was a heroic gesture.
Ryo snorted. “Says the dude who just admitted his campaign of harassment hasn’t helped her one bit.”
“I—”
“Shut up,” Elias broke in. “We’ve all been stupid and self-centered about it—including me.”
Huh. I wouldn’t have expected Mr. Big Man on Campus to admit to any failing of his own. For that, I’d give the criticism he’d made of my strategy a temporary pass. “What are you talking about?”
Elias studied both of us in turn. “I think we’ve all been taking the approach that makes us the most comfortable and just told ourselves it’s what’s best for Beatrix too. But none of it is working. She’s upset and confused, and now she’s pushing back hard enough that she’s getting herself hurt.”
The memory of Trix crumpling in the archery room yesterday flashed through my mind with a jab of guilt. She hadn’t even been protesting only on her own behalf—she’d been trying to defend all of us. Possibly me most of all, despite what a prick I’d been to her, since I was the one who’d have been directly in her line of fire if she’d gone through with Professor Roth’s orders. She could talk shit back as well as I gave it to her and thumb her nose in the professors’ faces, but she had a heart under all that swagger.
“If you’re such an expert, what do you suggest we do differently?” I asked.
“I don’t think she is stuck here,” he said, focusing his pointed gaze on Ryo this time. “If we actually care what happens to her, we have to give her the best possible chance of getting out. Convince her that she isn’t going to find what she’s looking for here, that the best possible thing she can do for herself is leave us behind. And she has to believe we really are thinking about her and not just giving the idea lip service for brownie points or being a jerk for the hell of it.”
That last bit was definitely directed at me.
I raised my eyebrows. “So, your big plan is that we all cozy up to her and then tell her to get the hell out of here?”
“Think of it however you want. We’ve all seen enough of her by now to have some idea how she’ll react. Look at what you’ve been doing and be honest with yourself about whether you really think it’s what’s most likely to help her. I assume you’re capable of that much?”
The barbed comment made me bristle all over again. Fuck this prick and his superiority complex. He’d ended up here just like we had—he didn’t have any higher claim on human decency.
I pushed off the wall. “Isn’t it more likely that you’ve realized that you screwed up, and now you’re trying to make yourself feel better by spreading the blame around? Nice try, Glengarry Glen Ross. Watch me sort out my shit without you turning it into a new lesson plan.”
Elias’s jaw twitched, so I knew I’d struck a nerve somewhere. “Jenson,” he said, straightening up. “For once in your life—”
“You know fuckall about my life,” I shot back before he could finish that sentence. The fact that I could say that at all made my stomach twist, and suddenly I was twice as angry. Fuck him, fuck Ryo, fuck this godforsaken college. “Take those intentions you think so highly of and ram them up your ass.”
I shoved past the door and caught myself in the hall, closing my eyes. Anger was never a good emotion to show off uncontrolled. You had to reveal it wisely. I wasn’t sure I’d been all that wise in there, but it definitely wouldn’t do me any good to storm around the school where everyone else could see me.
With a few breaths, I’d gotten the turmoil inside me under control. Elias and his theories meant nothing. I could figure out my own way like I always had.
Neither he nor Ryo came out after me. Was Shibata actually buying into his bullshit? The guy really hadn’t learned anything about the uselessness of chasing easy answers.
When I glanced around the main second-floor halls, my gaze immediately caught on the subject of our pathetic conversation-slash-lecture. Trix was standing across the way from me outside the library door. She was looking at a paper in her hand as if she needed to examine it closely before she made any further moves, but I could read the resistance in her stance. I’d balked the same way for probably the same reason enough times in the past.
Well, good if she was having second thoughts about this stand she’d decided to take. Maybe my approach would get me more traction now that yesterday’s experience would have set her more off-balance. Elias didn’t have a clue.