If she had, would they be where they were? Or would they be so much further down the road?
“Have you ever wanted something you don’t know you should have?” Sylvie asked.
“Didn’t I mention Remy’s chicken-fried steaks?” Hallie replied.
Sera’s eyes rolled. “Don’t pay her any mind. Hallie’s the one who always knew what she wanted and got it right away, and do not talk to me about Gracie having Johnny’s thin hair. You are going to give that child a complex. Sylvie’s asking a serious question and yes. Yes, I have. I wanted Harry, and I screwed up things in the beginning. I don’t understand what’s wrong here, because you won’t talk to us.”
“You’re being Super Sylvie,” Hallie said seriously. “That’s what we call you when you’re there for everyone else but won’t let us do the same for you. I know you think it’s a good thing, but it makes us feel like you don’t need us.”
That thought made Sylvie wistful. “You two have families. You shouldn’t have to worry about me.”
“But you are our family,” Sera said. “Just because you won’t talk to us doesn’t mean we won’t worry. It just means you won’t let us carry our part of the burden.”
Tears pierced her eyes. She had been doing this ever since she came home. She’d held them a bit at arm’s length because their lives seemed more complex than hers. They had kids and husbands. Had she been weighing that as more meaningful than her own?
“Self-Sacrificing Sylvie is another name we use,” Hallie explained.
“I think I greatly prefer Super Sylvie.” Though she did understand. “I’m not trying to shut you guys out. I don’t want to worry you with my problems. Or maybe I don’t want to have to face them, and if I don’t talk to the two of you about it, my problems aren’t real.”
Sera lay back on her mat. “But they are real. You’re in love with Rene.”
She wasn’t ready to go there yet. “I had a crush on Rene. I’m now curious about him.”
Hallie joined them, all three lying on their backs, looking up at the sky the way they had when they were kids. “I don’t remember a time when you didn’t have a crush on Rene. I think we can move past the idea of a crush. You care deeply about him. Let’s phrase it that way because the L word is scary.”
So scary. “He left me behind once before, and I think I’m still worried that once this is over, he’ll leave me behind again.”
“You think he’s using you?” Sera asked.
That wasn’t exactly how she would put it. “I think Rene’s decided it’s time to start a family and I’m here. I check off all his requirements, and that’s what makes sense to him.”
“Is that so wrong?” Hallie asked.
Sera sighed as though they’d been over this, too. “She wants romance.”
Hallie’s nose wrinkled as though she’d had a terrible thought. “He’s cold? Rene’s a little standoffish, but he doesn’t seem cold.”
Cold wasn’t the problem. It was all that heat between them that made her stumble. “Not at all. He’s quite thoughtful. He texts me during the day, and he’s waiting for me at night. He’s focused on me, but he also needs me right now. What happens when his position is secure? Also, his position will only be secure with his great-aunt as long as he’s married and building a family because apparently single men can’t be trusted. What if he’s doing all of this to keep control of the company?”
Those were the questions that kept her up at night. Well, and wondering if Rene was in the other room lying awake and thinking of her, too.
“Do you believe he could do that?” Sera didn’t sound like she bought that line of thinking.
But Sylvie couldn’t see a way around it. He’d told her flat out he wasn’t sure he could love anyone and that it seemed like it was time for him to get married. “Like I said, I think I meet all his requirements.”
“Like he’s got a list or something?” Sera asked.
Hallie’s blond hair shook. “And like I asked—is that so wrong? Men view things differently than we do. Didn’t you go to college? They should have made you read all those books on psychology on how men are dumb and don’t know how to process their feelings.”
“I didn’t have to go to college to figure that out,” Sera replied. “I lived with Zep and Remy all my life. Though Harry is surprisingly good with his feelings.”
“Which is a miracle considering he shares DNA with Celeste Beaumont,” Hallie added. “You know, have you considered that Rene runs in that world? Not only is he a man, he also has been in that real wealthy world all his life. There’s a lot of judgment there. That many eyes looking at you all the time can have an effect.”
“Rene’s parents were wonderful.” She’d never heard Rene complain about his parents. Of course, she hadn’t asked. She’d seen what he’d wanted her to see. Had he been doing that all their lives? Had he hidden his pain?
“Doesn’t mean it wasn’t still hard on him,” Hallie countered. “And it doesn’t mean he knows how to express himself. Rene isn’t all huggy like most of this town is. That came from somewhere. Have you talked to him about it? I personally would jump into bed, but maybe you should talk to him.”
“Do you want this to work out?” Sera asked.
She wasn’t going to lie or prevaricate. She wanted Rene. “I do.”
Sera looked her way. “Why?”
“Because maybe he’s right. Maybe it is time. I worry if I don’t settle down soon, I might not at all.” It was the reason she’d given her mother, who’d shaken her head and told her she was good at lying to herself.
Sera had turned, propping herself up on her elbow. “Seriously? If that’s true, then what is the problem?”
Hallie was staring at her, too. “Yeah, why all the angst? He’s nice, has a ton of money, and he wants to stay married to you. If this is about his family, Remy really does know a lot of people who are surprisingly good with murders.”
“Because I don’t want to get married simply because it’s time,” Sylvie argued. “Shouldn’t I want the man I marry to be in love with me?”
“Of course,” Sera said quickly.
“It depends.” Hallie’s answer was far more intriguing.
Sylvie always had liked to hear from the other side. “How so?”
Hallie’s normally happy expression turned distinctly thoughtful. “It depends on your definition of love and whether or not you have to have everything your way.”