Ares can be so hot and cold, so intimate and then so closed off.
We’ve shared moments where I felt more connected to him than anyone on the planet. And then he pulls back again, and I’m left with that nagging sensation that he’s hiding something from me. That he’s not telling me everything.
It’s starting to make me feel . . . really fucking sad. Like I’ll never truly know him. Like this is all I’m going to get.
Maybe I’m paranoid because of what happened with my father this year—thinking that I knew him so well, only to discover that he has a darker side he never showed me.
Or maybe I’m becoming less naive, and I’m realizing that the same is true of Ares.
He could be just as twisted as my father.
I don’t know what to believe anymore.
I don’t know how to feel secure when it’s clear that I suck at choosing who to trust.
Sabrina drops down in the empty chair next to mine, wearing her most comfortable pullover, with her hair piled up in a messy bun atop her head. She hasn’t brought a tray with her, since she mostly only drinks tea or coffee in the morning.
“Not sitting with Ilsa today?” I ask her.
Sabrina and Ilsa have been spending practically every second together since the dance. I’ve barely seen her outside of class.
“We split up,” Sabrina says, taking a strip of bacon off my plate and biting into it.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“Ah, it’s fine. She’s too jealous,” Sabrina shrugs. “Plus, she’s constantly trying to get me to come to the gym with her. Squatting my bodyweight is not a life goal for me.”
“Working out together can be fun,” I say, with a quick glance at Ares.
He either didn’t hear or he doesn’t agree, because he doesn’t smile back at me. My stomach sinks a little lower.
“Not for me it’s not,” Sabrina says. Then, grinning, “Unless you count sex as a workout.”
Ares pretends not to hear this, either.
He doesn’t speak one word to me all through breakfast. So I’m surprised when he catches up with me on the commons, intercepting me on the way to History.
“Hey,” he pants, jogging up to me. “Can you meet me again tonight?”
“Alright,” I say, hesitantly. “When?”
“10:00.”
That’s later than we usually meet. I frown at him.
“Is something wrong?”
“No,” he says, not quite meeting my eye. “Why would something be wrong?”
“I don’t know. You just seem . . .”
I don’t know how he seems. I can’t decipher his expression. It’s not quite nervousness. Not quite excitement.
“I’ll be waiting outside the Solar,” he says.
“What are we going to do?”
“It’s a surprise.”
He smiles now, but it’s tense and strained.
Something’s wrong.
I hope he’ll tell me what’s going on if I meet him tonight.
If he doesn’t . . . I don’t know how much more of this I can take.
29
Rafe Petrov
I don’t want to bring Nix with me tonight.
I’m considering just leaving her here.
I’m the one who has to take the boat and meet my mom and Freya in Dubrovnik—if I show up without Nix, there’s nothing they can do about it. We can attack the mine and take our chances.
But then, if something happens to my father . . . it will be my fault. Because I didn’t bring our insurance.
On the other hand, if something happens to Nix . . . that will be my fault, too.
I’m pulled in two directions, tearing down the center line.
I don’t know what the fuck to do.
It doesn’t help when my mother calls me in the middle of my International Investment class. I feel the phone vibrating in my pocket, and I make a quick excuse to run to the bathroom and sequester myself in the furthest stall, picking up on the last ring.
“What is it?”
“Dom’s not coming tonight,” my mother says.
“What do you mean?”
“Danyl Kuznetsov, Foma Kushnir, and six of their men just showed up in St. Petersburg. They haven’t come to the monastery yet, but they’re clearly snooping around. Zima says they’re in the Diamond District right now.”
“So . . . are we waiting, then?” I ask.
“No,” my mother says, grimly. “We can’t wait any longer. Danyl is clearly determined to pull the lid off this thing. Whatever happens today, he’s going to run back to Moscow to run his mouth. Kuzmo’s at the mine, Miles is waiting at the Four Seasons. The wheels are already in motion. We’re seeing it through.”
“Will Adrik still be there?”
“Yes. But we’re short Dom and four of his men.”
“I can bring two,” I say.
“Who?” my mother asks, confused.
“Leo Gallo and Hedeon Gray.”
“What happened?” she demands.
“A little . . . conflict with Hedeon. But it’s handled,” I assure her.
“Is the Chancellor alive?”
“Yes. Annoyed, but alive.”
I can feel her disapproval radiating through the phone.
“And you’re sure they haven’t told anyone . . . sure they can be trusted?”
“Yes.”
“Alright. Bring them.”
All throughout the day, I go back and forth a hundred times on whether or not I can bring myself to kidnap Nix.
Picturing her face when she realizes the truth . . .
I can’t fucking take it.
At the same time, we’re finally about to get my dad. We’ve worked years for this moment. Sacrificed everything we used to love in our lives.
If I show up without Nix . . . my mother’s disappointment and rage will be just as bad.
The hours seem to drag by interminably slow. Then all of a sudden it’s dinner time, and I can’t eat a single bite. I’m looking across the table at Nix, at her confused and unhappy expression when I can barely form a sentence to speak to her.
Then dinner is over, and we’re racing toward 10:00, with barely enough time for me to make the simple preparations I need to accomplish.
I meet Kade behind the Keep at 9:30. I expect him to come alone, but instead he’s accompanied by Dean Yenin.
Without preamble, Kade says, “I told him everything.”
“What?” I hiss. “You had no right to do that.”
“Yes I did,” Kade says, his expression stubborn. “This has affected my family almost as much as yours. Dean’s my friend. I trust him.”
Dean regards me coolly, one blond eyebrow raised.
“I should have known you were a Petrov when you knocked my fuckin’ head sideways,” he says.
I take a deep breath, trying to remain calm while panic spirals inside me. This thing is already out of control and it’s barely even started.
“Look,” I say to Dean. “I appreciate how you’ve helped Kade, and the information you gave us about Danyl Kuznetsov. But this isn’t your concern.”