I feed off them too. I feed off her. Her greedy sounds and the way she kisses me. How she gobbles up my dick, and she’s always so wet for me. Every time I sink into her welcoming body I think how perfect she is. As if she were made just for me.
She’s not. She doesn’t really belong to me. Despite the need for little Summer Savage that pumps in my veins, settles in my dick, we can’t last. She’s like the worst craving. Driving me to desperation, always ready—no, fucking eager—for that next hit.
It was difficult, going to her yet keeping myself removed. Fucking her as if she didn’t mean anything to me. Using her without any emotion, good or bad. She could tell something was wrong. I saw it in her eyes, in the way she’d watch me. She closed herself off too. She’s good at that.
So am I. We both are.
The idea that what we had was almost over always lingered in the back of my brain, and I wasn’t ready. Who’s ready to give up on the best sex they’ve ever had? I have a connection with that girl. I can’t describe it, but it’s there. It’s always been there, from the very beginning. When we first met at the age of fourteen.
I knew I couldn’t keep fucking her. Spending time with her. I’d want her more.
More and more and more.
She’s something I can’t have. Yet she’s the one who said she didn’t want to do it anymore. I pushed her away and she knew it. My Savage is so much smarter than I give her credit for. She beat me to the fucking punch. I’m the one who got dumped in this situation.
We’re over.
I return to my room and shed my clothes, climbing into bed and reaching for her journal, where I last left it on my bedside table. I haven’t read it in weeks. Reading her entries keeps her in my head, and lately that was the last place I wanted her. She’s burrowed deep, and I want her out.
Gone.
Yet here I sit, holding her journal, going to the secret entries near the back. I know now that Yates fucked her, and it left her an emotional mess. I don’t want to read about that anymore. I don’t want to know exactly what he did to her, or how much it ruined her. She’s damaged goods, I know this, but fuck.
So am I.
Maybe that’s why we’re drawn to each other. We’ve seen and done so much for being so young. I’m jaded as fuck, and so is Summer. But to really be with her…
Would send my mother into a complete fit and my father would tell me I’m fucking crazy. Which I am.
I know this.
Why the hell am I so drawn to the one girl I shouldn’t want? Why?
I toss the journal across the room. It hits the wall with a loud splat, dropping to the floor. I can’t read it any longer. Reading her words leaves her haunting my thoughts. She’s already in them enough.
I need to find someone else. My father said I should fuck around as much as I can before I make things serious with Leticia. Once I’m with her, once it’s public and we become engaged, I have to act like the faithful fiancé. The perfect future husband. Keep up the pretense for as long as I can stand it. Once we make a couple of babies, maybe even before that, all bets are off. As long as I’m discreet, I can have as many affairs as I like. Even if Leticia finds out, she’ll understand. This is how it’s done. Leticia knows what she’s getting herself into, just like I do.
My life is mapped out. There will be no surprises. Nothing unusual. Hell, my father recently received a report from Leticia’s gynecologist, informing him that she’s still a virgin, and everything appears in good shape—Father’s exact words. She’ll give me plenty of children, he said with a laugh.
He had her examined—like an animal. Fucking unreal.
Frustration ripples through me and I close my eyes, trying to focus on something else. Anything else but my fucked-up future. I’ve been consumed with arranging everything for that stupid party. The only reason I’m doing it is for Sylvie. She wanted to celebrate Halloween so badly, as if it will be her last one.
All I care about is getting fucked up, especially after tonight.
The party is happening in mere days, and while I’m disappointed I can’t have the girl I want, I can find someone else Halloween night, and hopefully I’ll fuck Summer Savage right out of my system.
Once and for all.
Twenty-Five
Summer
I meet Sylvie in her room to get ready for the party Halloween afternoon, after class. Anticipation rippled throughout campus the entire day, reaching a fevered pitch by last period, and no one could concentrate. The teachers pretend they don’t know about the party, but they have to. It’s all anyone can talk about. I wish I were more excited, but with Whit and me over, I don’t have much to look forward to.
I pretend to be excited for Sylvie’s sake instead.
We do our makeup first, sharing the bench at her vanity table, the both of us applying heavy eyeshadow and layering on red lipstick. Her excitement is palpable. It fills her entire room, giving me nervous energy, and I glance at my duffel bag sitting on the floor, almost afraid to put on the costume I know is going to cause a scandal among everyone who attends Lancaster Prep.
They might’ve never really noticed me before, but they’re going to see me tonight.
“Tonight is ripe for a scandal,” Sylvie announces once she’s finished applying her lipstick. She studies me, rubbing her ruby red lips together, her eyes sparkling. “This will be a life-changing party.”
“If you say so.” I’m reluctant to agree, because I need no life-changing events right now. I’ve already had one, thanks to Whit and I agreeing we shouldn’t spend time together anymore.
I’m loathe to admit this, even to myself, but I miss him. It’s stupid, when I’m the one who pushed for it.
My emotions for him make me feel stupid.
“Things are going to happen tonight, Summer. I just know it,” she continues. “If Spence makes a move, I’m going to let him.”
“Let him what?” I ask warily.
“Let him touch me. Kiss me. Fuck me. Whatever. I’m ready. I’m tired of saving myself.” She starts putting away all the cosmetics, shoving them back in the drawer with one sweep of her arm. “I’ve been preserving my virginity all my life, and I’m sick of it. I might not have much time left. I want to know what it feels like to come with a boy inside me.”
“When it’s your first time, you might not come when he’s inside you,” I tell her drolly.
She laughs. “Says the girl with allll the experience.”
Ouch. That sort of hurts.
I say nothing, dropping my lipstick into my makeup bag and zipping it a little too fiercely.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” Sylvie says, her voice low, her expression contrite. “I was just teasing you.”
“I know.” I give her a grim smile. “It’s okay.”
She didn’t mean it. I know she didn’t. I’m not proud of my past fucked up experiences, but how is she to know that, when I haven’t told her everything?
She puts her hands together, her smile stretching wide. I can tell she’s trying to shift the mood. I’m a complete buzzkill and she’s so excited for this stupid party. “Let’s put on our costumes!”