I stood there until his truck lights came on and he backed out onto the street. Then I went and locked the door, turned and looked at the letters from my mom’s box before turning off the lights and walking past them on my way to the bedroom.
The next thing I knew I was reaching for my phone to shut the alarm off. Groaning I stretched and wished I could just go back to sleep. It felt as if I had just laid down. Getting up at four every morning was getting old. Maybe I would try and figure out my recipes in order to write them down for someone else.
My feet hit the pink fluffy shag rug by the bed and I stood up. Yesterday had been a lot. Now, that I faced going into work and seeing Hillya again, I was brought back to Rebel and who he was and who he could be to me and Rio. Thinking of how I would even bring up the subject of Rebel with her was an obstacle I wasn’t ready for today. I didn’t know when I would feel prepared for that and if I even should. It was very likely she already knew.
Saul had said he would see me today. I didn’t know how or when that would happen but the thought of seeing him made me smile. It helped get the heavier things off my mind or at least push them back and not dwell on them so much.
Twenty
It was right after the breakfast crowd and just before the lunch rush when Saul came walking into Signed Sips. I hadn’t looked up when the bell signaled that the door had opened because I was busy writing the new lunch acai bowls on the daily specials’ board.
“Hello! What can I get for you?” Emily asked in her flirty voice and that got my attention. I took a quick glance to see who had made her switch from her regular voice to the one she used for cute guys only. Saul’s gaze was fixed on me and the bubble of excitement that came with seeing him there should have concerned me; it didn’t.
“Hey,” I said to him, putting the chalk down and walking over to the counter.
“Oh, you know each other?” Emily asked with curiosity.
I gave her a smile and replied, “Yes. I’ll help him.”
She simply nodded, but the twinkle in her eyes told me I was going to be questioned the moment he left. “Okay, I’ll go to the back and get those… uh… things we need,” she said, then backed away a few steps watching us before turning and hurrying through the kitchen door.
“Did I come at a bad time?” he asked me when I looked back at him from the swinging door Emily had just went through.
“Not at all. Perfect timing,” I assured him. His eyes still looked weary and the dark circles weren’t gone. “How’s Lily?” I asked.
He sighed before answering, “Better, I think. I stopped by this morning to check on her. They’re going to let her out later today, but the doctor strongly suggested I get her in a rehab facility again.”
“How long has it been since she was in the last one?” I asked.
“A year,” he replied, looking grim. “There are things that set her off. Honey passing was only a matter of time before this happened.” He said that part slowly, as if he were unsure if bringing up Gran’s death was a good idea.
I dealt with Gran’s death daily living in her house. It didn’t sting to be reminded. Waking up here every morning was making it easier.
“Are you going to send her to rehab?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Fuck if I know. She’s adamant she doesn’t want or need to go. She cried on me this morning, promising she wouldn’t run off again. I just, don’t know.”
My chest ached for him. I wanted to help, but I didn’t know how. I wasn’t my gran. She knew how to handle everything. I felt clueless. Glancing at the bakery shelf, I saw the fresh praline cake donuts that Hillya had brought out just ten minutes ago.
“Want a donut?” I asked him. “They’re fresh.”
He grinned then. “Did you make them?”
“Nope. They are full of dairy and gluten. They even have pecans. Completely delicious.”
He looked as if he were going to say yes, but he did a quick survey of the display case then replied, “I think I’ll have the gluten and dairy-free chocolate chip muffin.”
It was the only item I had in the case. Everything else had sold out. “Are you sure? You don’t have to order something I made. It won’t hurt my feelings if you want a donut,” I told him.
“I’ve been wanting a chocolate chip muffin all morning,” he replied with a serious face that made me laugh.
“Sure you have,” I said, knowing that was a lie. I went over and took out the muffin then put it and a donut in a paper bag. “Just in case the muffin isn’t enough.”
“An Americano too please,” he added.
I went to make his drink and wished I could go sit with him while he ate. The lunch crowd would be in soon enough and I knew that wasn’t possible. But everything had changed so quickly with Saul. Getting to spend more time with him was something I was anxious to do. In the middle of my life being flipped open like a book because of Gran’s list, I found thoughts of Saul made me happy.
When I handed him the items, his hand brushed mine longer than necessary. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” I replied.
We stood there silently for a few moments then he placed a twenty on the counter. “I’ll see you after you get off work.”
I picked up the money. “This is too much.”
He smirked. “The rest is the tip.”
I started to argue when he opened the door and walked outside.
A twelve-dollar tip was ridiculous, but we split the tip jar daily, and Emily would be thrilled with this extra bonus. I rang up his items and put the change in the jar all the while smiling.
I got off work a little after two and headed home. I didn’t know when I would be seeing Saul, but I wanted to shower and get ready so when he showed up, I didn’t smell of coffee and baked goods. It didn’t take long to get myself cleaned up and when I was finished, I found myself back at the coffee table with the letters.
Not every letter was informative. Unless I wanted to know what color dress my mom had been planning on wearing to prom or if she had skipped study hall. But there had been three letters in the box that I read several times, each of them mentioning Rebel.
One had mentioned Rio’s mother. I was certain now that my mother and Rebel had been secretly seeing each other behind Rio’s mom’s back. They were cheaters. It made me view my existence in a whole new light and it wasn’t pretty. Mom had claimed she loved Rebel in one of the letters, but there were no letters from Rebel to her, confirming how he had felt about her. It was clear with his abandonment of both my mom and Rio’s mom that he hadn’t been in love with either girl.