“Lily needs to go to an AA meeting,” he said. Which meant he would be taking her if he wanted her to get there.
“Yesterday Rio came to the shop. He talked to Hillya. She invited us to her house for lunch today to meet, people. That we were related to,” I said, not sure I could call them relatives when I didn’t know they existed until recently.
He said nothing for a moment and I wondered if he was going to continue to have a jealousy issue with Rio. Which was ridiculous at this point.
“You going to come to the house after?” he asked me.
I wasn’t sure. He hadn’t mentioned the party at his house. Rio had been the one to say something about it. “Am I invited?” I asked him.
His eyebrows drew together in a frown. “What the fuck does that mean?”
I shrugged. “You didn’t tell me about the party or mention me going. I didn’t know if you wanted me there.”
Saul stared at me for a moment. His frown started to look more like he was annoyed. “Henley, are we not clear on things?”
I didn’t know what that meant exactly, which also could mean that we were not clear on things. Saul didn’t verbalize much and when he did, it wasn’t detailed. He was the guyest guy I had ever met.
“I don’t think I am,” I replied honestly.
He sat his cup down on the counter and put both his hands on my waist. His gaze locked on mine. “I don’t want to be where you aren’t.”
Okay, that was extremely sweet, but he was a lot of places I wasn’t like yesterday at the condo with Isla. I didn’t point that out though. “What are we doing?” I asked him.
“You mean this thing between us?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yes. This thing we are doing. I know we have sex and we are together at some point daily, but is this a fling and will I know when it’s over or-”
Saul’s mouth was on mine and I didn’t get to finish that thought. He grabbed my head and his fingers threaded through my hair as he held me there. He tasted of mint and coffee. I placed my hands on his chest for support.
When he ended the kiss, he didn’t pull away from me but kept his face close. Our breaths mingled as our noses touched. “I thought that was clear. You are the only thing that makes me happy.”
Yes, those words made my heart feel joy and my knees slightly weak, but that wasn’t exactly what I needed to know. Again, if he could be a little more clear and descriptive.
“So, that means we’re exclusive?” I finally asked.
His fingers tightened in my hair as if the idea upset him. “Has someone else been talking to you?” he asked.
“No,” I replied quickly. His jealousy was acting up again and we really needed to work on that. “I just wasn’t sure. If we were dating or exclusive. I want to be exclusive. I mean to me we are. I don’t just have sex with a fling. I’m not… I don’t do that.”
He inhaled deeply and his fingers loosened in my hair. “I need you,” he said then. “Just you.”
That was the clearest answer I was going to get from Saul.
“Okay,” I replied.
He kissed the tip of my nose then released my head. “I don’t share, Henley.”
That was good to hear. I thought of Isla again. “Me either,” I replied.
He grinned then and reached for his coffee.
It all seemed right. Nothing about us was normal because Saul was not normal. But I knew being with him was also accepting him the way he was. His world was nothing like most people. There was damage so deep I didn’t think it would ever heal. I could deal with that. It was part of who he was.
Trusting him was something I had to do. We were new. In time, he would open up more. He was already starting to. I just needed to be patient until he felt safe enough to tell me everything. There was clearly something he was leaving out. I wouldn’t push him and become the crazed jealous girlfriend. I would wait until he was ready to tell me everything. I had to believe in time he would.
Thirty-Three
It wasn’t that being at a family gathering for a holiday was new to me. I had gone with many friends over the years to things like this. What was weird was knowing this was my family yet it wasn’t. Rio had handled it well so far, but I could see in his eyes he felt the same as me.
These were strangers. We may share the same blood, but they were not family. Maybe one day they would feel that way but down deep, I wasn’t sure if that was what I wanted. Hillya had seemed happy to have us here. Emily had introduced me to many people while Hillya spent more time with Rio.
Seeing photos of Rebel in the house, ranging from a child to a young man had been oddly emotional. Simply because there were pictures of him over the years where I could see myself. Hillya was right; I had his smile. The older he got in the photos, the more of Rio I could see in him.
A teenage boy who hadn’t thought about repercussions and had been living his life not knowing what the future would hold or that his future was very limited. He’d left kids behind and for Rio, a child in a very bad situation. I was the lucky one. I hadn’t always thought that, but after hearing Rio’s story and witnessing Saul’s, I knew I had an easy life. A normal life even without a dad.
“It’s weird, isn’t it?” Rio asked and I turned to see him watching me study the photos lined along the mantle. He nodded at the pictures. “Seeing those. The second one from the left could have been me. I looked exactly like that when I was nine.”
I looked back at the photos and picked up the one he mentioned. I could see Rio in his eyes. I hadn’t seen photos of Rio as a child, but now I wanted to.
“You have his smile. It’s almost identical,” he said, walking up to stand beside me.
“I never thought much about my smile until now,” I admitted. “But you’re right. I can see it.”
He picked up a picture of Rebel in a football uniform, standing with a football tucked under his arm and smiling at the camera. “He was a running back,” he said. “I was too. I played on that same field.”
“Does it fill the void? Knowing who he was?” I asked. It did for me. It wasn’t the way I thought it would, but the questions were no longer there. Seeing him and the life he had made it better. Something my mother never understood.
“Yeah, it does. We all deserve to know where we come from.”
“I have more pictures, albums, if y’all want to see them,” Hillya said and we both turned to her. Neither of us had heard her enter and I wondered how long she had been standing there.
“I would,” I replied. Seeing more of Rebel’s life wasn’t the same as knowing him, but it still felt like it helped make a connection. One I thought I would never have.