19
Trace
Romy wants me to meet her friends. Or maybe she wants them to meet me. I’m not sure, but I have a feeling I’m going to be judged.
We’re going to the Putt Hut to play miniature golf under black lights. I’ve never done this, but I’m a pretty good golfer, so it sounds okay to me. I pick up Romy at her place, and we meet Kesha and Hannah there.
Their greetings are friendly enough. They seem nice. We laugh a lot as we knock balls around in a dark and brightly colored, glowing world. It’s better than I expected. Romy doesn’t agree. She’s a terrible mini golfer.
As she stands ready to hit her ball, I say, “Spread your legs a little more.”
Her head whips up, and she stares at me.
“Also you need to adjust your grip.”
Kesha and Hannah collapse in laughter while Romy gets all flustered.
I move up behind her to show her what I mean.
“In the hole!” She yells after she taps it and watches it roll.
I crack up laughing too. “That’s what she said.”
We’re all cackling so hard we barely see her hole in one.
“There you go!” I give her a fist bump.
When I hit my ball a little too hard and it goes off the green, er, black, I go behind a big bright palm tree to try to find it.
“Hey!” Kesha calls. “What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball lost in the rough?”
I don’t answer.
“Guys will spend at least five minutes looking for a golf ball!”
The girls all high five, laughing.
“Very funny,” I say, returning with my glowing orange ball, grinning.
“It’s just a joke,” Romy says with a wink. She goes on her toes to kiss my cheek. “You have nothing to worry about.”
Damn right.
After the golf, which I win, we move on to a bar for drinks, and I get to know Kesha and Hannah better. They also quiz me, which amuses me but also impresses me. These ladies love Romy, and anyone who loves Romy is okay by me.
“Well, that went well,” I say as I drive back to Romy’s place.
“That was fun. They like you.”
“Of course they do.”
She giggles. “Of course.”
It went so well that I spontaneously say, “You should meet my friends too.”
In the dark truck, I see her eyes go big. “Yeah?”
“Sure. My buddy Garrett and his wife Julie are good people.” I pause. “Maybe you shouldn’t meet the other guys just yet though. My friend Miles is kind of a goof.”
She laughs softly. “I can handle goofs.”
Yeah. I bet she can handle anything.
This was a bad idea.
The worst.
We’re at a restaurant with Julie and Garrett, having just ordered dinner.
“So we all dressed up as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,” Garrett tells Romy with an evil grin, telling her about a frat party we went to in college. “It was an amazing Halloween party. And this girl showed up dressed as April O’Neill! She was wearing a tight yellow jumpsuit, open down to her navel. So Trace here starts following her around, bringing her beers, asking her to order pizza.”
Romy covers her mouth with her hand and sends me an amused glance.
“Luckily she was okay with it,” Garrett continues. “It was all fun until this dude shows up dressed as Shredder.” He makes a “yikes” face. “Trace gets us all to have this battle in the kitchen, which totally wasn’t supposed to be really violent, just acting it out, but we broke the kitchen table and a chair and pulled off a cabinet door.”
“Oh my god.” Romy’s eyes widen.
“We cleared out fast,” Garrett says. “Everyone was in shock.” He pauses, then adds, “We fixed everything later.”
“Ah.” Romy’s eyes dance. “That’s good.”
This is about the sixteenth story Garrett has told about me, which he finds hilarious. Romy too. Julie’s heard all these before, but she’s still laughing. Garrett’s quite a comedian. Ha.
“Then there was the time we were out smoking weed. Coming home, we passed a tae kwon do class. The door was open, and we could see the class going on inside. So Trace runs in and stops in the middle of the class and does some arm movements.” He demonstrates, nearly knocking over his drink. “And ends in a martial arts pose.” His hands are up in an exaggerated Jackie Chan imitation. “‘Hiiiiiyah!’ Some dude came running at him and did this spinning kick that caught him in the shoulder and laid him flat out on the mat. We were all standing in the door, staring, wondering what the fuck we’re supposed to do.”
“You weren’t lying when you said you were a shit disturber in your younger years,” Romy murmurs.
“I’m trying to forget those days,” I mutter. I shoot daggers at my buddy. “Thanks a lot. I guess those enlargement pills are working for you.”
Garrett frowns. “What?”
“You’re twice the dick you were last week,” I finish.
Julie and Romy collapse in laughter. Garrett flicks me a middle finger. “Careful. I can curse you. May every empty parking spot you see in the distance actually contain a motorcycle.”
“May your next-door neighbor buy a set of bagpipes and practice every night until four in the morning.”
“May you hit every red light.”
Trace winces. “Ouch. That one hurts.”
“I know.”
“May you spill your drink in your lap so it looks like you peed yourself.”
“Ha! He actually did that to me!” Garrett points at me. “And he made it happen right before every date I had!”
“And this is the man I want to have children with,” Julie says with an amused eye roll.
“We really are more mature now, Romy,” Garrett says. “Don’t be afraid.”
Her eyes twinkle. “I’m not afraid.”
I reach for her hand under the table and give it a squeeze. “I might as well have brought the whole gang,” I say. “For how much shit you’re giving me. I thought it would be better without Miles.”
“It is,” Garrett says.
I can tell he’s joking. Hopefully Romy can. We all love Miles, odd as he is.
“Can’t wait to meet him,” Romy says.
Our dinners arrive, and I make it through our meal without any more tales of my youthful escapades. After we eat, Romy and Julie leave together to use the ladies’ room.
“That’s how chicks bond,” Garrett says. “They go to the bathroom together.”
I grin. There may be truth to it.
“She’s great, man,” Garrett continues. “And you’re nuts about her.”
I rub my temple. Again, there may be truth to that. “I like her.”
Garrett smirks. “This is fun.”
I frown. “What is?”
“Watching you get all boo’d up.”
I roll my eyes. “That’s not what this is. I think. I don’t know.”
Garrett’s still laughing when the women return.