A few weeks ago, I would’ve gladly taken that trade.
I would’ve been happy just having access to her body whenever I damn well wanted.
But now...?
Fuck now, I wanted more than just her body.
I wanted what lurked behind her eyes when she thought I wasn’t looking. I wanted the truth behind her lies of loathing me. I wanted to know her. To actually listen and allow memories to form. Memories I actually wanted to remember.
I need to apologize.
I pushed up, hovering over her on my elbow. My body cast a shadow on her, puckering her nipples as the shade made her skin react to the temperature difference.
I could fix this and take the contact I needed.
I’d strangled her by accident. I’d tell that to her face the moment she woke up, but for now...I had another way to apologize. The only way I knew how, really. The only talent I’d been taught.
I’d been a slave to pleasure. Most of the time, that pleasure had been taken against my will, but occasionally, I’d be forced to grant it as if I willingly lusted for the guests who hurt me.
I knew what turned women on; men as well, unfortunately. I knew how a tongue could be used to tease and torment. I knew how to bring someone to an orgasm, with or without their permission.
It was the only true skill I had. And I could use it to show just how sorry I was—to somehow erase the distance that’d been growing between us. I could give her the release that I desperately wanted.
Wasn’t that fair? Wasn’t that the kind thing to do? Denial of my own desires in order to take care of hers?
Sex had once been my master and my nightmare, but thanks to her, it’d become my choice again. My decision to touch another, to crave another.
And fuck, I craved her.
Rolling closer, I ran my fingertip around her pebbled nipple.
She flinched in her sleep but stayed in whatever dream she enjoyed. That was good. I could gift her pleasure, even if she never knew it was me.
Cupping her breast, I massaged her gently, lowering my mouth to her sun-salty skin and licking her areola.
She sucked in a breath, her head falling to one side.
My heart bucked in my chest as I inched down her body, pressing light kisses along her ribs, running my tongue around her taut belly. With my decision made, I didn’t stop or second-guess. I worked my way down and down, settling between her legs as her mouth parted and she moaned in her sleep.
Looking up the expanse of her stunning body, I almost gave in to the dark urges inside me. The hisses to take her like others had taken me. Not to care about her wants or needs because no one had taken care of mine.
I wanted her so. Fucking. Bad.
I needed to be inside her, not wedging my cock into the dirt.
But I gritted my teeth and ignored it. I wanted to make this right between us more than I wanted to take her. If she accepted my apology, then she’d have no choice but to let me fuck her again. We would no longer be enemies.
“Forgive me for hurting you.” My mouth settled over her pussy. I swiped with my tongue, finding her entrance and working my way back to her clit.
Her legs trembled around my ears.
Her hands tightened to fists in the grass.
I licked her again, dipping inside her and tasting everything I’d been denied.
“Let me apologize,” I murmured into her wetness. “Let me show you what I’ve learned from being a slave.”
She moaned again as I plunged my tongue inside her, no longer soft or sedate. Her legs tried to snap together, catching me around the ears and adding a ringing to my already throbbing head.
With my vision spinning, I closed my eyes and nipped at her clit. She was my anchor in the chaos inside my mind. She was the only thing I needed to get well again.
“Gemma...” I licked her. I clutched her hips with my hands, splaying her wider. Her inner muscles clenched around my tongue.
She was reactive. Pliable. I could make her come in a few seconds if I chose.
Burying my nose against her clit, I prepared to shove her into an explosive release. But...I stopped.
My tongue slipped from her body.
I had the unbearable need to kiss her mouth instead.
If I gave her a dream orgasm, who the hell would she see? What man from her past would give her bliss while I’d only brought her pain?
No.
No fucking way.
If I was going to make her come, then she would know exactly who worshipped her. And she would be grateful. And she would moan my name as she came in my mouth, not someone else’s.
I was done being used.
I was done being nothing.
Swooping up her body, I lay beside her in the grass and cupped her cheek.
“Dream of me, you frustrating fool.”
My mouth crushed hers.
I kissed her hard.
For a second, she froze beneath me. Her lips thinned. Her neck tensed to turn away. But then she sighed, she surrendered, she kissed me back.
And that shattered the rest of my self-control.
I rolled on top of her.
My hips settled between hers, my cock frantic to plunge inside her.
Her mouth opened wide, her tongue lashed mine. The delicious abandonment of a dirty, deep kiss was suddenly shattered as her eyes flew wide and a scream sliced through my faulty ears.
“What the hell are you doing?!” She turned wild beneath me. Her legs scissored together, shoving me out of the cradle formed by her body. “Get off me!” Shoving me to the side, she scrambled to her ass and scurried backward, her hair full of grass seeds and late afternoon sunshine. “How dare you!” She wiped her mouth with a shaking hand. “How dare you!” Tripping to her feet, she didn’t seem to notice she was bare as she shoved a finger in my direction, hissing, “I was asleep, you bastard. You strangled me and now you try to rape me?! Argh, when will I learn? God! When will I accept that you truly are the biggest asshole alive!”
“Stop yelling.”
“I’ll yell as much as I damn well want!” She stomped around, pacing with a manic look on her face. “I can’t...I literally can’t understand it. You tried to fuck me—when I was sleeping no less, after I explicitly told you you’d never be welcome to any part of me again!” She threw her hands up. “Wow. I mean...why the hell am I surprised? You’d think I’d have accepted this by now. I mean, it’s not like you’ve been anything but a monster to me. Why do I keep expecting a sliver of good from you, huh? God, why haven’t I learned?”
Her livid gaze fell to her ankle and the chain smugly linking us together again. And all her anger just fizzled into despair. She shrugged with a choked laugh. “And you’ve tethered me again. Of course, you have.”
Our eyes locked, and her misery drove a pickax into my heart.
With a despondent nod, she turned away. She gave me her back and her perfectly toned ass as she looked longingly at the cliff. At the escape she hadn’t taken. “I should’ve run. I should’ve ignored all my safety training and climbed naked and barefoot up that stupid cliff and taken my chances with the forest. I should’ve done something, anything, to be free of you.” She buried her face into her hands and screamed.
It was muffled and morose, and I couldn’t fucking stand it.
“I’m sorry, okay?” I spoke quietly and slowly, cursing my pounding head. I stayed where I was, sitting by the river, grimacing against the ringing in my ears. “It’s not what you think—”