But if I did and he switched? If I allowed my guard to drop, only for it all to unravel because of his past, I didn’t think I could survive that.
I’d gotten this far by convincing myself that he didn’t mean anything to me. That I would still run when I had the chance. Yet now...
God, now?
I sucked in a breath as his kiss switched from demanding to soft again, giving me the choice to pull away.
Now, I no longer knew anything, and I wanted to know everything. I wanted to know him. I wanted to know every shadow and scar. I wanted him to talk to me, to purge, to share.
He made me dare to dream that perhaps, just perhaps, I might be strong enough to save him.
Was that possible?
Or just a stupid fantasy?
I never relaxed as he kissed his way from my mouth to my jaw to my ear. His touch made my nerves dance with need, but I stayed stiff. I was too conditioned to expect his cruelness, his coldness. I was floundering the longer he treated me gently.
Dropping his hands from my cheeks, he ran them lightly down my throat to my shoulders.
I tensed to stone. I couldn’t help it. His fingers near my neck made instincts wary of his intentions.
“It fucking kills me to know I’m the reason you tense like that.” He ran his thumbs over my shoulders, leaving a wake of tingles. His gaze fell on my shirt buttons between my breasts.
My nipples instantly pebbled, hungry for touch, choosing recklessness instead of common sense.
His breath caught. His right hand dropped lower and cupped me. “I’m not going to hurt you,” he whispered, running his touch over my nipple and sending a lance of fire to my core. “I give you my word. Tonight, I’m yours.”
His mouth slipped back over mine as his hand palmed my entire breast. This time, when his tongue dipped past my lips, I touched him back with mine.
I willingly kissed him, and his chest vibrated with a growl of gratitude.
His mouth opened wider as his broken arm came up and fumbled with the buttons on my pearl-colored shirt. “Do you give me permission?” he breathed into the kiss, sweeping me off my feet and ensuring I had no way to stay standing.
I nodded once.
A welcome I hadn’t intended on giving. He didn’t wait for me to second-guess. His fingers undid the shirt quickly, trailing down my stomach, splaying the material and exposing me.
He was going too fast.
He was going too slow.
I didn’t know what the hell I wanted anymore.
He pulled away, his gaze locking onto my bare breasts as he pushed the shirt off my shoulders. His soft groan made answering desire twist in my belly. The material fluttered to the earth.
Our eyes caught.
I stopped breathing.
I swayed on the spot as he drank me in. His eyes burned black, his teeth sank into his bottom lip, and his body shifted as if seeing me naked pushed him into places he couldn’t survive.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” His voice was thick and full of gravel.
I ducked my head, hair swinging over my shoulder to obscure half my face.
He instantly swept it back, tucking the strands behind my ear, trembling at the contact. My skin broke out in goose bumps. The garden was alive with electricity. It seemed as if the very earth was a conduit, pulsing beneath our feet in time with our racing hearts.
Our dynamics of him fully clothed and me entirely naked ought to have once again put me in the role of his prisoner, yet the way he watched me? The way his entire body shuddered for mine? I felt powerful, special, and strong.
Not saying a word, he held out his hand.
I took it silently, letting him guide me to the bath with hot embers underneath. He raised his palm, giving me something to hold while I studied the water with skepticism. Would it be cold? Hot? Just right? Would he join me? What was he going to do to me once I was in the water?
He cocked his chin, a boyish eagerness on his handsome, hardened face. “Please.”
I swallowed hard and raised a leg, slipping my toes into the bath, cursing the chain dangling from my ankle. I hissed in delight as the delicious warm water lapped around me. I wanted to jump in headfirst. I craved heat after so many icy showers.
“Shit, is it too hot?” He rushed to check, dipping his fingers into the bath.
My mind returned to how his tongue had felt licking around my own fingers in the conservatory. How he’d effortlessly made my knees weak and core wet. He might’ve been a plaything for so many cruel people, but they hadn’t managed to steal his essence. The very core of him glittered with masculinity, sex, and power.
Sinking into the warm embrace, I shook my head. “It’s perfect. It’s just—” I bit back things clawing to be said. Questions I was desperate to ask. Subjects I probably shouldn’t discuss.
“It’s what?” he asked quietly, caught up in the attraction humming between us.
“What are you doing to me?” I choked. Damn, I hadn’t meant to ask that. “I mean...what are you going to do to me?”
He winced and balled his hands as I huddled into the bath, letting it lap around my shoulders. “I could ask you the same question,” he murmured, heavy and full of lust. “Ever since you came here, you’ve done something to me. Things I can’t control. Things I’m terrified of.”
I froze as my heart tripped over itself.
He felt the same way.
He’d been fighting it just as much as I had.
Shaking away his honesty, he smirked without any coldness. A true, comedic reaction. The first real smirk I’d ever seen on him, and oh, my God, it did more than just affect me. It bolted through me and ensured every cell hoarded that smirk with stark possession. How long since he’d smirked? Had he ever?
“As for your other question, stay there. I’ll be right back.” His long hair slid over his shoulder as he added, “And then I’ll show you what I’m going to do to you.”
Air was once again hard to come by as he looked at my nakedness obscured by water one last time before striding back to the house and leaving me alone.
The moment he was gone, I exhaled in a rush.
Oh. My. God.
What the hell are you doing, Gem?
This isn’t safe.
It sure as hell wasn’t safe. Not just for my body this time but for every other piece of me that was stupid enough to fall.
I should get out of this wonderful bath and run.
I should—
He returned with his hands full, the chain slinking through the grass behind him. That damn leash was getting so frustrating. Catching on furniture, clanging on walls, constantly getting snagged on things around the house.
I wanted it gone. Maybe after tonight, he’d let me go. Surely, he couldn’t keep me bound after this?
He didn’t speak as he went behind me, kneeled, and deposited the towel, shampoo, and conditioner on the ground.
I spun to face him just as the strangest thing happened.
His face went utterly blank, his eyes vacant.
I reached for him, dripping water all over his T-shirt as I rocked his shoulder. “Kas?”
For the longest few seconds, he swayed and didn’t react. He wasn’t there. Wherever his mind had gone, he wasn’t reachable.
Fear shot through me. It reminded me of his concussion in those early days when he’d go to sleep, and I never knew who he’d be when he woke. I stopped touching him, backing away with bathwater sloshing and sizzling into the embers beneath me.