I run my fingers through my hair and exhale. “A week, man. A week. No one falls in love in a week.”
“Right now, you’re infatuated. Things are new. Shit’s exciting. But when the dust settles and you have a choice of life with her or without, that’s when you’ll know how you really feel.”
“How did you know you loved Rebel?” I ask him.
“If I’m being totally honest with myself, I think I’ve loved her since the first time I met her. Leaving her at the hospital after the accident, man…that shit killed me.”
“But you never even talked to her after that. If you loved her, why would you not at least reach out to her once in those ten long years?”
He shrugs. “Figured she was better off without me.”
“You were wrong.”
“I know that now, but I regret nothing.”
“You don’t?”
“Nope. If I’d chased her, she wouldn’t have Adaline, and maybe whatever spark we had would’ve fizzled out and died a long time ago. Neither of us was ready to move on and accept the happiness we both deserved.”
“Makes sense in your own fucked-up way.”
“Never claimed to make sense or be that smart, but I know how to love, and so do you. Mom and Dad taught us everything we need to know, but if you fuck up, know Mom’s going to beat your ass first, and then I will.”
“It’s a common theme among everyone when it comes to Arlo and me.”
Rocco laughs again. “Well, you’re a jackass, but I know you’ll do the right thing instead of running away like a pansy.”
“Have I ever run from anything?”
“Relationships,” he teases, but he’s telling the truth. “And intimacy.”
That shit was my kryptonite, and I had run as fast as I could in the opposite direction. I honestly never even let a person outside my family get close enough to me to have to worry about intimacy or relationships becoming a problem.
Rocco places his hand on my shoulder. “I can tell you’re different when it comes to Arlo. It’s nice to see.”
“How am I different?”
He smiles, rubbing his chin. “Carmello, there’s no one else in the world I know better than you, and vice versa. You light up when you talk about her, and you’re a little fucked in the head too. You get all macho crazy, which isn’t something you’ve ever really done, not even for the best piece of ass.”
“I’m fucked, aren’t I?”
He nods. “Totally, but it’s okay. Like I said…lean in.”
“Guys,” Rebel says, poking her head out of the back door, looking between Rocco and me. “Your appointments are here.”
“We’re coming, babe,” Rocco tells her, giving me a wink, still madly in love with his wife.
She nods and goes back inside, leaving us alone.
“I’m happy things worked out with the two of you.”
“I didn’t realize how unhappy I was until Rebel walked back into my life, along with Adaline.”
“You have a good woman. She has to be to put up with your ass.”
He stares at me, not looking amused at all. “You’re not easy either. If Arlo can deal with your insane bullshit and bad attitude, then you better do whatever you can to keep her around. I don’t know many women who would put up with your nonsense.”
“They only knew the pieces of me I wanted them to know,” I tell him.
“So, just your dick, then?”
I nod. “Basically.”
He punches my arm as he starts toward the back door of the shop. “You’re an asshole.”
“Love you too,” I call out, letting him go inside first and giving myself a last moment alone.
Life does taste a little sweeter with Arlo at my side, something I never imagined with someone who was only supposed to be my fake girlfriend.
But I know my cousin Lily, and she had been calculated in her pick, knowing I’d fall for Arlo. I can’t even be mad about it either, because for the first time in a very long time…I’m happy.
19
Arlo curls into my side, slinging her arm across my middle. “You okay?” she whispers against my skin.
“I’m good. You?” I’m staring up at the ceiling, trying to picture the future with Arlo.
And I see it too. Marriage. Kids. Growing old together. All the happy things my cousins and brother have been doing but I thought were never for me.
Arlo hits different from anyone else, giving me a vision of the future, and it is one I like.
“My day was good, but it’s better now that you’re here,” she says softly.
I tip my head down and brush my lips against her forehead. “Ditto, sugar.”
She drags her fingernails across my skin, tracing the ridges of my ribs. “I thought about what you said the other day.”
I focus again on the ceiling fan above us, trying to remember what I said to Arlo that has her still thinking about those words days later.
“And what was that?”
She peers up at me, not lifting her head from my shoulder. “You said your dad could maybe help me find my parents.”
“He could.” My fingers glide across the skin of her back, following the path of her spine. “If that’s what you want, he’ll make it happen.”
“I don’t know if I want to, but I can’t stop thinking about them.”
“Whatever you want, Arlo. We can talk to my dad at dinner tomorrow. Just be sure it’s what you want.”
“Do you think it’s stupid?”
“Why would I think it’s stupid?”
She pushes up on her elbow, staring down at me. “If they really wanted to find me, they would’ve by now. You know? I’m just setting myself up for failure and rejection.”
I raise my hand and cradle her face. “No one could turn you away. You’re too sweet and beautiful.”
She gives me a sorrowful smile, her green eyes searching mine. “They probably forgot about me by now.”
“You’re unforgettable,” I whisper. “And I don’t think any parent, even someone who gives up a child for adoption, could forget their own baby.”
Her smile changes, and the sadness vanishes from her face. “You constantly surprise me.”
“How’s that?” I ask, running my thumb across her cheekbone.
“I really thought you’d be a jerk once I got to know you.”
I am a jerk. I won’t say those words out loud, but I am. I accept the man I’ve become, built on the sadness of losing Carrie and the guilt I feel over her death. It is like my ability to love is buried with her, sealed away and never to be seen again.
But no matter what, I haven’t been able to show that side of myself to Arlo. It feels wrong and dirty. You can’t shovel shit at someone so sweet, especially when they don’t do anything to deserve it.
I don’t have an endgame with Arlo besides spending time with her and hoping I learn something about myself before our agreement becomes something more…something real.
With the other women, I always had something I wanted. Just pussy and nothing more. A fuck or a suck, and off they went, away from me. Exactly how I wanted it and at the speed I chose.