“I’d be good with that.”
“But for now, I want to enjoy us,” she says softly into the breeze.
I lean back, taking her with me as the sun kisses the top of the water and the sky explodes into shades of red, orange, pink, and blue.
“It’s heavenly, isn’t it?” she asks.
“There’s only one thing more beautiful.”
She smacks my arm. “You don’t have to say those things. You already got me, Mello.”
I dip my head, bringing my lips near her ear. “Sugar, you’re the most beautiful creature I’ve ever met, and I’m not just talking about your face or your banging body.”
“My banging body?” She laughs again.
“Yep. I said what I said.”
“You’re crazy.”
“Crazy for you,” I whisper.
She turns in my arms, sliding her legs underneath mine so our middles are practically touching. “I need to tell you something, but I need you to listen to me before you get mad.”
My stomach drops and knots, because there’s no smile on her face. Whatever she’s about to say is something I won’t like or I’m probably not ready to hear. I can tell by the look in her eyes.
“Okay,” I say, drawing out the word, bracing myself for maximum devastation.
A minute ago, we were talking about a future and kids, and now she wants to drop a bombshell on me to rock whatever calm we had going.
She reaches up and places her hands against my face. “Promise you’ll listen.”
I swallow, locking my eyes with hers. “I promise.” My entire body is frozen, and I’m barely breathing, too scared to allow myself to relax.
“I don’t know how to say this…”
“Just say it, Arlo. Don’t dance around whatever it is.”
She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes for a second as she slides her hands to my neck. When her eyes open again, they’re soft but filled with sadness. “I haven’t been completely truthful with you.”
I inhale sharply, feeling like someone just gave me an elbow to the gut. “What?”
She looks down, and I stare at her in complete shock. “I couldn’t tell you the truth before. Not because I didn’t trust you, but I thought you’d think differently about me.”
My hands, which have been at her sides, tighten on her waist. “You couldn’t tell me the truth about what?”
She shakes her head, lifting it just enough to look at me through her eyelashes. “I’ve never told anyone the truth.” Tears flood her green eyes, hanging on her lids, ready to fall as she stares up at me. “No one knows, Mello. No one. Not even Lily. You need to promise me what I’m about to say doesn’t go beyond us.”
“I promise, babe. Nothing you say will go beyond us and this place.”
When she gives me her eyes again, the tears are slowly streaming down her cheeks. “Do you know anything about foster homes?”
“I know very little and then what you’ve told me.”
“They’re not all rainbows and sunshine. It’s rare that one is a happy home where a kid is welcomed and made to feel like a member of the family.”
I grab her hand, comforting her, wishing I could wipe away her hurt.
“When I was fifteen, I was moved to a new home, and that’s about the time I started getting tits and an ass. And tits and ass get you attention even if you don’t want it.”
Bile rises in my throat, and my stomach twists. I know what she’s going to say before she says it, and the reality of the massiveness of my earlier dickish behavior slams into me. “Arlo,” I whisper.
“I was there a month. Only a month, but in that time, my foster brother tried to get into my pants nightly. And one time, he succeeded.”
“Arlo, sugar,” I whisper again, reaching for her, but this time, it’s she who moves out of my grip.
“No,” she snaps, standing and taking a few steps away. “I’ve never told anybody this, besides my therapist. And I’m only going to say it once, and then I’ll never repeat it again.” Her fingers swipe against her cheeks, wiping away the tears. “I fought him off for days and days, but then I got the flu. I was weak, and he knew it. He was the predator, and I was the prey, but I was helpless against his strength with my fever. He forced himself on me, Carmello. He stole something from me that I could never get back.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, watching the girl I’ve fallen for come apart, telling me her most private and darkest secret. “I’m so, so sorry, Arlo.”
“Don’t,” she bites out. “It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t my fault. I know that now, but it took me a long time to realize I wasn’t to my fault.”
I stay silent, letting her talk.
“After that, I decided I’d never give a man that part of me again unless I planned on being with him forever. It took me a lot of therapy and a lot of years before I could do anything more than kiss another human being. Although I’m not technically a virgin, in my head, I am. I didn’t consent to him forcing himself on me. I didn’t ask for him to have sex with me. I didn’t want any of it. But when I do give myself to someone, I want it to be because it was my choice and what I wanted and for no other reason. It’s easier to tell people I’m a virgin and have them mock the absurdity of that at my age than to tell them the truth.”
“You are a virgin, Arlo. You were forced to do something against your will. Virginity isn’t taken. It’s offered, and you didn’t give it to him or anyone.”
She crumples to her knees in front of me, finally touching my arm to hold herself up. “Do you hate me?” she whispers, her tears falling harder and faster than before.
I wipe them away, and more replace them before my hand has a chance to move back to the apple of her cheek. “Sugar, no one will ever hurt you again. I promise you that. I’d rather die than let another soul make you cry. Even if you don’t want me anymore, I’ll always look out for you and protect you. I give you my word that I’ll always be there.”
She stares at me, the faint glow of the sunset reflecting in her tears, her green eyes somehow greener and more vibrant. “If I want you?” she whispers.
I nod. “Maybe this is going too fast for you.”
“If I want you?” she repeats again, her eyes still sad and brimming with tears. “Carmello, I wouldn’t have told you if I didn’t want you.”
“But…” I swallow, hating myself.
She shakes her head. “No.” She moves her hands up my arms, bringing them to a rest on my biceps. “I want you. I want what we talked about. I want the five years. I want the kids. I want your family. I want all of it, but I need to know you want me. I need to know you can deal with the reality that’s been my life, when you’ve had the fairy tale every kid dreams about having. I’m damaged, Carmello. Maybe too damaged to be in your life.”
“Don’t say that.” I grab her face, cradling her cheeks gently in my hands. “I’m falling in love with you, Arlo. I want you in my life. I want the five years, the kids, the fairy tale that we create. If anyone’s damaged, it’s me, babe. I’m the one who’s fucked up, not you. I want the forever. The happily ever after. I want to keep every bit of you to myself and only for myself.”