Or how scared I am.
Scared is okay, as long as I don’t let fear convince me to run away from my most important person.
Chapter Twenty-One
Faith
I jog across the parking lot, meeting Mick near the picnic table where we shared lunch yesterday, every step making me feel lighter.
“Don’t go,” he says, coming to a stop in the gently greening grass. “I’m so sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry.” I step closer, not missing the flash of relief in his blue eyes. “I should have stayed. Or waited outside the door. Next time, I promise I will. I promise I’ll be there when you need me, no matter what.”
He swallows, his eyes searching mine for a long moment before he wraps me up in his arms, hugging me so tight I can barely breathe.
But I don’t miss oxygen. Who needs air when you have the arms of the person you love holding you so close you know he’s never going to let you go?
Never.
No matter what.
“Thank you,” he says, his voice rough with emotion as he pulls back to look down at me. “I love you. So much.”
“And I love you.” I run a gentle hand through his hair, which is even wilder than it was a few minutes ago, cluing me in that the rest of the meeting probably didn’t go well.
“Even though my dumb mistake is going to change everything?” he asks, uncertainty creeping into his expression. “I know this isn’t what you signed up for. Shared custody of a baby is going to be hard. And I can promise you Bridget will do everything she can to make it even harder.”
“And it will be a lot of work,” I add. “And scary, and I’m sure we’ll both make mistakes. And I can’t promise I won’t freak out every now and then, but…” I lean into him, loving the feel of his warm, strong body pressed against mine. “But I love you. You having a baby with someone else complicates things, and I can’t pretend I’m happy about it, but it doesn’t change the way I feel.”
He shakes his head, obviously still not completely convinced. “Are you sure? I won’t be as free as I am now. There won’t be time for Kilimanjaro or a lot of the other things we planned.”
“I don’t need Kilimanjaro.” I rest my hand on his slightly scruffy cheek. “All I need is you.”
He blinks, a pained expression flitting across his face that I understand completely. After years of being so certain, so sure, so convinced that love was never going to find its way to my lonely corner of the world, sometimes the happiness I feel when I’m with Mick is almost painful.
It’s like medicine applied to a wound, hurting as it heals, but a blessing.
No doubt about it.
“You feel like a miracle right now,” he says, running his hand through my hair, letting his fingers play through the strands.
“You feel like the man I want to be naked with within the next twenty minutes,” I whisper, smiling at the surprise that lights his eyes. “I’m not going to let your ex ruin a single night of our life together,” I continue, threading my fingers together behind his neck. “And that starts tonight.”
His lips curve at the edges. “I keep thinking I can’t love you more, and then…” He sighs. “What did I do to deserve you?”
“You survived,” I say, nodding toward his apartment. “And didn’t let her turn your heart into a nasty little lump of coal.” I reach down, taking his hand in mine. “Now let’s get out of here.”
“I can’t think of anything I’d like more,” he says, squeezing my fingers as we turn toward my truck.
Five minutes later we’re parked in front of my apartment.
Three minutes after that, we’re through the front door, shedding clothes as we kiss our way back to my bedroom, pausing just long enough to gather Captain Snugglepants from where he’s napping at the foot of the bed, set the cat out in the hall, and close the door behind him before we come together again.
We fall onto the bed in a tangle of arms and legs, mouths meeting with a hunger that leaves no doubt in my mind that Mick is every bit as desperate for this as I am.
My bra vanishes and Mick’s undershirt follows, and then his mouth is on my bare skin, his tongue teasing my nipples until I writhe beneath him and every cell in my body is electrified with hunger.
I reach down, cupping his jaw in my hands. “No more. I can’t take it. You’re making me crazy.” I pull him up for another kiss, my tongue swirling against his with a frenzied desire that’s unlike anything I’ve felt before—even with him.
But it feels right. To let go. To trust this.
To trust us.
“I want you so much,” I whisper between kisses.
“I can’t wait to be inside you.” His teeth rake gently over the delicate skin at my neck as his fingers find the top button on my jeans.
He thumbs it open and my pulse accelerates with a whoosh that makes stars flicker at the edges of my vision, leaving me speechless, breathless as Mick tugs my jeans down my legs. Then his lips are on my stomach, feathering kisses between my hips before he catches the top of my white lace panties in his teeth.
I lift my hips, moaning in approval as I realize he’s playing out part of my fantasy. His breath is hot against my skin as he tugs the fabric down, baring me inch by inch, until my panties slip off one ankle and there’s no longer any barrier in place between Mick and where I’m so wet for him.
“So beautiful,” he murmurs, hooking his fingers behind my thighs, spreading me wide. I clutch handfuls of the bedspread, fighting the urge to press my knees together again. He’s done this before—and I’ve had an out-of-body, blissed out experience every time—but the lights were always off.
Now, the lamps are on and I can study him as he studies me, his eyes devouring every inch of skin between my legs. It makes me feel a little shy and I wonder if he really means it—that he thinks I’m beautiful there.
The shyness lasts until he presses a kiss to my clit and then his tongue is flicking, circling, rubbing with the perfect insistent pressure, and I can’t feel anything but electric. Alive.
Shockwaves of desire course through my entire body, and I gasp and arch closer to his mouth, his teeth, his tongue that flicks back and forth until I’m dizzy with need and so close to coming I can feel it building inside of me like a giant wave. It’s so big, so intense, it might crush me on the way in, but I can already tell it’s going to blow my mind with pleasure first.
“Yes, God, Faith, come for me. I want to feel you, taste you.” Mick gathers my breasts in his hands, rolling my nipples between his fingers and thumbs as his tongue works faster between my legs.
And I’m going…
Going…
I cry out as my body clutches tight and pleasure scalds through my veins, drowning out everything but bliss and…hunger.
I still want him. Still want more.
I’ve never been so wet, so ready, so desperate to feel him inside me. I want it so much that not even a blinding orgasm can completely take the edge off.
I need Mick as close as he can get. I need to show him with my body how much I love him. And want him. And want to keep loving and wanting him for a long, long time.