She focused on Cole again as she tried to decide what to do.
“Go,” Brokk urged.
Taking a deep breath, Lexi steeled herself for the possible rejection to come before descending the stairs. She crossed the open expanse of lawn and stopped beside him. Memories flitted across her mind as she stared at the serene, glassy surface.
“My dad and I spent a lot of time out here. We’d read by the water, feed the ducks, and over there”—she pointed to a rowboat now covered in vines—“is the boat we’d take out to fish. As you can see, I didn’t use it much after the war started. And once he died….”
She turned away from the boat that was once a favorite place to spend time with her dad.
“Things changed,” she finished.
“They always do,” Cole said, but he still didn’t look at her.
“If you decide to turn Orin in to protect the Gloaming, I’ll understand, but I’ll fight you on the refugees. I will do whatever I can to keep them safe.”
“Will you fight the Lord for them?”
She lifted her chin. “I will. When Orin turns me in—”
“He won’t do that.”
“What do you mean?”
“If I turned Orin over to the Lord, he wouldn’t turn you in too. He’s a bastard, but he doesn’t turn on his family.”
“He already turned against you and his father.”
“Not in the same way. He disagreed with my father and went against him, but he wouldn’t have tried to take over the Gloaming. I know it doesn’t make any sense, but there are lines Orin wouldn’t cross, and purposely taking down another member of his family by ratting them out to the Lord is one of those lines.”
“I’m not family.”
“He knows you’re important to me; that makes you family.”
“And you don’t think he’d turn us both in for knowing about where he’s been if you handed him over to the Lord?”
“No. He would understand I was doing what was necessary to save the dark fae in the Gloaming. He doesn’t have many standards, but he does have some.”
“I never had sex with Orin.”
“I know. I shouldn’t have accused you of that.”
Relief flooded her at his words, and she almost grasped his arm but stopped herself. Despite his words, a gulf remained between them.
“I would never do that. I’m not a dark fae; I’m not you. I know I shocked you with my revelation, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I’m with you because I want to be and because you’re special to me. I had sex with you for the same reason. If things ended between us tomorrow, I wouldn’t jump right into someone else’s bed, and I certainly wouldn’t screw one of your brothers.”
“I never should have said it. I’m sorry.”
He didn’t say those last two words often, and she knew they meant something, but she wasn’t done.
“I’ll never cheat on you, and I love you, but if you ever accuse me of that again, I’ll leave you.”
His jaw clenched, and silver flashed through the vibrant blue of his eyes. “It will never happen again.”
“Good.”
He smiled at her, but that gulf didn’t close as neither of them moved toward the other.
“My father and I would go fishing too,” he said as he turned back to the water. “There’s a lake behind the palace. It has water the color of the sky on a sunny day. It’s so clear you can almost see the bottom. We would watch the fish swimming beneath us, but we never caught them.”
“Why not?”
A sad smile curved his mouth. “I guess they were smarter than us.”
“But you kept trying?”
“Many times over the years.”
“It’s more about being in the boat, isn’t it?”
“It is.”
“What did Orin mean when he said you were playing along with the Lord while plotting behind his back?” she asked.
Cole finally looked at her again. The vivid blue of his eyes stole her breath and caused her heart to stutter. He was gorgeous, and though things were strained between them, he was hers. He’d claimed her as his mate, and she wasn’t going to let him go.
“I was never on the Lord’s side. Neither was your father,” he said.
Her eyebrows shot up at this unexpected revelation. “It seems we’ve both been keeping secrets.”
A breeze stirred the air and blew her hair forward. His eyes fell to the strands tickling her face, but he didn’t brush them away as he would have before.
“We have,” he said.
“Should I be as mad at you as you were with me?” And though she tried to keep that anger under control, it bubbled toward the surface. “You accused me of sleeping with your brother and believed I betrayed you.
“I kept Orin’s presence here a secret, but I didn’t do it out of spite or because I was plotting against you. I didn’t do it for the power you possess or a throne. I’m not Becca or the other women you’ve dealt with in your past.
“This is my life and my home. I miss my dad, but I’m happy here. I don’t want to be a queen, but I’d be one for you. Yet, you’re mad at me for keeping secrets when you were doing the same thing.”
Chapter Sixty
During his many years, there were countless times when he was a complete asshole and treated others with little to no respect. Not once had he felt bad about it.
He’d broken hearts, shattered prides, and destroyed lives without so much as a twinge of regret. Now, self-loathing burned like water from the acid lake in his throat and chest.
“The coalition is a secret from everyone who isn’t a member,” he said.
“And the existence of everyone in those tunnels is the same thing. If I’m going to be a part of your world, then you have to tell me everything I could be facing in it.”
“I was trying to protect you.”
“I’m tired of others always trying to protect me. My father and Sahira sought to protect me from the world, but it was impossible. And now you’re trying to protect me from everything too. I don’t want to be protected anymore. I should know it all if I’m going to be your queen.”
“I’ll tell you all of it then.”
When the wind blew a strand of her hair toward him, he caught it. He admired the different shades of red in it as he let the silken strand slide through his fingers.
“So, are you going to tell me how you and my father plotted to take down the Lord?” she asked.
“Yes, but why don’t we talk in a boat?”
Lexi looked at the vine-covered boat and smiled. “I’d like that.”
Despite having not been used in a few years, the boat remained in good condition. It had taken some time to free it from the vines and clear it of debris. Once freed, she discovered the wood was still in good shape, though it required a paint job and one of the boards near the top was rotting.
Cole slipped the boat into the water and held it as she climbed into the vessel. He followed her and used one of the oars to push them off the shore. While he rowed, she admired the bulge and flex of the muscles in his arms as, beneath the sun’s rays, his ciphers stood out starkly.