“Yeah, and we all know how that turned out.”
“Yes, we do.”
Is he having regrets?
“Why is everything black-and-white with you, Braden?”
“What makes you say that?”
“I asked you for something you didn’t want to give me. Instead of working it out, finding a compromise, you ended our relationship.”
“I wouldn’t have ended it if you could have answered my question.”
“Maybe I need your help to find the answer.”
“Do you?” he asks.
“I…don’t know. Maybe.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t. If you needed me, you wouldn’t have come here. To your hometown. You would have come to me.”
And it dawns on me then.
Maybe I don’t need him to find my answers.
But he needs me.
And he hates that he needs me. It disturbs him. It perplexes him.
“Stop fighting yourself, Braden,” I say.
“I don’t know how to.”
I lift my brow. Not the response I expected. I was thinking more along the lines of, You don’t know what you’re talking about, Skye.
Apparently I do know what I’m talking about.
As much as my own psyche confuses me sometimes, perhaps I know myself better than Braden knows himself.
“Will you come up with me?” he asks once again.
“My father—”
“Your father knows you’re an adult.”
“True, but—”
“Please, Skye. Come up with me. Make love with me.”
“You just said you weren’t asking me to have sex.”
“I’m not. I’m asking you to make love.”
“Meaning…?”
“Meaning just you and me. No toys. No games. No bindings and no commands. Just the act itself. I want to experience something special with you.”
“What’s so special about vanilla sex?”
He pauses a moment, staring out the windshield, and finally, when I’m convinced he’s never going to speak again—
“I’ve never done it before.”
Chapter Fourteen
My mouth drops open. “Never?”
“How can that possibly surprise you?”
“I…” Words don’t come. Should it surprise me? I already know that he and Addie got kinky, but I know nothing about any of his other conquests. He owns a BDSM club. Why is his revelation so surprising?
Because everyone begins at the vanilla level.
Right?
Everyone, apparently, except Braden Black.
“You’ve really never just made love? Without all the…”
“The word you’re looking for is kink, Skye. Without all the kink.”
I clear my throat. “Yeah. The kink. The dominance.”
“No, I haven’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because”—he clears his throat—“I’ve never had the desire to. Not until now.”
My flesh warms, and a tingle flashes through me. He wants to make love. Just make love. And he wants to do it with me.
“All right, Braden. I’ll go up with you.”
A few moments later we’re in his hotel room. The bed is queen-sized, not what we’re used to when we’re together, and the décor is Early American, not the sleek sophistication that graces Braden’s bedrooms.
Still, it seems perfect.
He stands and stares at me.
“Well…?” I say.
He smiles. Yes, a smile. Kind of a shy smile. Very un-Braden-like. “I’m not sure where to start.”
“You’ve never had that problem before,” I say.
“You’re right, because I’ve always known where I’m going. Even when you challenged me at every corner, I knew where I was going and I ultimately got there. The fact that you made me work for it was part of the game.”
“We were a game?”
“I don’t mean it in a bad way, Skye, but you know as well as I do that we were playing a game of cat and mouse.”
I sigh. He’s right. I’m as guilty as he is of manipulation.
“Somewhere along the line I fell in love,” he says. “And not because you succumbed to me eventually.”
“Then why?”
He chuckles. “Do you have any idea how many times I’ve asked myself that question? And the only answer I’ve come up with is that love isn’t always rational.”
“So loving me is irrational? That’s not really a compliment, Braden.”
“That’s not what I mean. You’re smart, and you’re beautiful. You’re talented. And God, you’re a challenge. I once told you that you’re my Everest. You are. Even after you gave up all your control to me, you’re still a challenge. I just didn’t expect…”
“What?”
“To fall in love.” He pauses a moment. “Usually, after I conquer something, I go on to the next thing.”
“And you feel you’ve conquered me?”
“No. That’s not what I’m saying.”
“What exactly are you saying, then?”
“Whether I conquer you is no longer the issue. The issue is that I’m in love with you, and I have no desire to go on to the next thing.”
Again I feel warm and tingly.
“Never in my life have I had a desire for vanilla sex. But damn it, Skye, I want to make love to you. I want to touch you and I want you to touch me. I don’t want to take away any of your senses. I don’t want to deprive you of an orgasm or punish you. I don’t want to tie you up this time. I just want to lie next to you, as your equal, and make love to you.”
Again, he pauses. I open my mouth, but he gestures me not to talk yet.
“And Skye?”
“Yes?”
“I’m fucking…”
“What, Braden? What?”
“I’m scared, Skye. Fucking scared, and I’ve never been scared of anything in my adult life.”