I shouldn’t think thoughts like that though. It’s not my place, nor do I want the pain I felt yesterday to have a permanent spot in my heart. Roxy is another woman’s child, and the man a few feet from me is her husband. It’s best I remember my place.
Julius sits, and I make sure to put some space between us. My wall is up. I need to protect my heart when it comes to Julius. He clears his throat and looks at me. “I’m sorry for the lack of communication these past couple of days. Monday got away from me, between practice and the kids, and then I had a lot of stuff to deal with. I regret not answering your texts yesterday.”
“Apology accepted,” I tell him.
He moves closer to me, only for me to add distance between us. I hold my hand up and shake my head. “I like you, Julius. Lord knows I shouldn’t, but I do. However, this has been eye-opening for me. I know you’re busy, but I need a guy who will respond when I text or call, especially after we’ve been together for the first time. Not hearing from you was a gut punch. I’ve never been a one-night-stand type of person, and that’s what you made me feel like.”
“I’m terribly sorry, Autumn.”
“I’ve given us, this thing between us, some thought, and I’m not sure there can be an us until you get divorced. I don’t want to be in limbo, wondering where I stand in your life. I mean . . . you haven’t even filed yet, and we’ve slept together. The situation is making me feel very uneasy.”
“I understand,” Julius says as he moves closer. He reaches for my hand and picks it up. Our fingers thread together, and while my head is saying pull back, my heart is like, get it, girl. Damn, I want to get it, but the risk isn’t worth it.
“One of the reasons I didn’t text you earlier today is because I met with a lawyer here, who finalized my papers and sent them to a process server in California. I’m serving Elena with papers. We’ve dragged our feet long enough on this, and it’s not helping either of us. She’s moved on, and I want to move on. Being with you—it’s shown me that I’ve been hanging on by a thread to a marriage that has been broken for a while. I didn’t want to admit it until I met you.”
Julius studies me while I let his words sink in. I believe I’ve heard everything he said, but what sticks out is that he’s filed for divorce. I don’t know why, but I feel like a tremendous amount of weight has been lifted off my shoulders with this revelation.
“How do you feel about the filing?” I ask him.
“After I filed, I went and saw a therapist. I had put this off for some time, but she could squeeze me in, so I took advantage.” Julius shrugs. “We talked about Elena and everything that’s happened since she told me she wanted a divorce. We talked about the kids and how they’re coping, and we talked about you. It felt really good to talk to someone who doesn’t know Elena or me and who just listens and asks questions. At first, I didn’t think I’d be able to open up about everything, but after a few minutes, I let it all out. To answer your question, I feel relieved. It’s hard to grasp that your marriage is over, but this therapist said I’m doing everything right, and I’m approaching the situation without blinders. I know I’m not the perfect man or husband, but I didn’t deserve to be cheated on, and it’s taken me a long time to accept that.”
“No one deserves to be cheated on. I’ve never understood why people do that. Why not just tell the other person you don’t want to be with them and move on.”
“Because breakups are messy.”
“So is cheating,” I say. “I’m glad you told me that you filed though, because I was starting to feel like what we were doing could be considered cheating.”
“Me too.” This time when Julius moves closer, I don’t move back. “I really like you, Autumn, and after Sunday, the only thing that kept going through my mind was that I’m no better than Elena. I’ve dragged my feet on filing, but no more. This divorce needs to happen for many reasons.”
“Well, I’m happy you did. I don’t want to feel like we’re doing something wrong. Do the kids know?”
Julius shakes his head. “There isn’t much to tell them. Roxy is too little to understand, and Reggie understands too much. He knows his mom has a boyfriend, and he knows that I like you. Anything more will just hurt or confuse him. Besides, Elena is going to make a big stink about the filing. She’ll play the victim and try to turn him against me because he’s at an impressionable age. To combat this, I’ve already set him and Roxy up with some therapy appointments. We’ll go as a family,” he pauses and then corrects himself, “the three of us and the kids will have individual appointments. I want to make sure they’re well-adjusted through all of this.”
“You’re a good dad, Julius.”
“I’m trying. Those two are the most important people in my life, and I need to make sure they’re happy.”
A yawn takes me by surprise, forcing me to cover my mouth. “I should get home. It’s late, and you have to be up with the kids.” I stand, not giving him a chance to protest. I could easily fall asleep on the couch right now—that’s how tired I am.
Julius follows me to the door. He opens it and leans against it. As I pass, he reaches for my hand and pulls me to him. The kiss is chaste, but the desire is there. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For forgiving me. I don’t deserve it. Hell, I don’t deserve anything from you. I’m like night and day when it comes to you.”
“Yeah, the back-and-forth game is a bit tiresome.” I wink, letting him know I’m joking. Only, I’m not, really. As much as I’d love for this relationship to take off, I’m going to tread a little bit more carefully. For all I know what happened this week is a hiccup and may never happen again, or it’s an omen and something I need to heed.
“Goodnight, Julius.”
“Goodnight, Weather Girl.”
The rest of my week went like I was back in school with my nose stuck in a textbook. Do your assignment, flip the page, meet with your peers, do another project, flip the page, and so forth. Only the pages are text messages with Julius, my peers are my co-workers, and the main assignment I must do is to be at Julius’s apartment on Sunday to watch the game with his parents and children. I couldn’t even say no because Julius knows my weakness—Roxy. He made her ask, and with her sweet little voice and those doey eyes of hers, there was no way I’d tell her no. I, however, wanted to strangle her father because I’m not ready to spend the day with his parents. The kids, I can handle, but parents are a whole different story. They’re the last chapter of the book—the review portion—before you take the final exam. Sure, I’ve seen them in the stands, but an introduction done by Reggie and Roxy, without Julius being home, is putting a bigger knot in my stomach than I had when Julius asked me to come to his apartment earlier in the week.
Now, I stand outside his door. I raise my hand to knock, only to drop it and turn around, and then I go back and do it again, only for the same result. In my other hand, I have a seven-layer dip that I love but realize others may not enjoy it as much as me, and I should’ve brought something else. Although Julius told me to just bring myself and that his mother has everything taken care of. But my mind insisted I bring something.