“Why are you doing this to me?” I ask, my voice cracking.
He might not know exactly what I’m talking about, but he read the letter. He knows how I felt then. The crush I’ve carried. Is he leading me on? Is he trying to see how far I’ll go on the feelings I had as a teenage girl? Does he just want to fuck with me because he’s bored during his senior year?
Austin’s face falls from the cocky, competitive grin he’s had while we’ve been playing. “Taya, I’m not trying to do anything.”
“One day you’re acting like I’m radioactive after you read a letter that was meant only for my eyes. And the next, you’re out here trying to kiss me? Sorry, if that’s a little confusing for a person, Austin.”
I think he sees the error in his ways. “I never meant to … I’m sorry.”
The ball falls from my hands, bounces across the driveway, and comes to a stop. “You know what? I forfeit. Which means no one wins. I’ll …”
I’m about to say see you later, but I’m not sure my confidence can handle that. If anything, this little game just fucked me up more.
I hear Austin calling my name as I walk up the porch steps and back into the house, but I don’t turn around. We’ve had enough confrontation for the day.
Imagine if he won, and I let him kiss me. Would I be even more hopelessly gone over him than I am right now?
18
Austin
Brian hulks on at my side, practically moving the ground we walk on, as we stroll through campus.
“I can’t wait until it’s warm enough so the girls are out in bikinis.” He smirks a devilish grin to himself.
“You’re a pervert. Those are freshman you’re talking about.” Since most of the upperclassmen now lived off campus.
“Exactly.” Another devilish grin.
I roll my eyes, just happy that it’s getting warmer. “I’m just trying to get a smoothie.”
We’re on our way to the smoothie hut on campus, a frequent spot for every student when the weather in Upstate New York finally begins to creep up past forty degrees.
“Yo.” Gio walks up, giving both of us a fist pound, and we all fall into step. “Evan!”
Our fourth friend joins us, and then we’re all walking through campus together. I’ll miss this when we graduate; passing through the quad with them and just shooting the shit. There is an ease and lack of responsibility at moments like this that I know I’ll crave once the real world takes hold of me. I try to remember that as Brian and Evan discuss the twins they took home two nights ago.
“They were freaky as hell. Wanted to go down on us in the same room.” Evan laughs, high-fiving our football bro buddy.
“Damn, that’s kind of hot, though. Does that make you Eskimo brothers?” Gio ponders, tapping a finger to his chin.
“Nah, we’d have to have swapped their mouths for that.” Evan chuckles.
“You guys …” I shake my head.
“We know, captain of the prude squad. We get it. But you should try it sometime. Have a little fun, let that Hemsworth hair down.” Brian slaps me on the back.
The running joke between my friends is that I’m as vanilla as they come. Because I wouldn’t bring multiple girls back to our shared dorm rooms in one week or let a chick give me head in the bathroom of a house party.
Little do they know, sex is better when it’s not an exhibitionist sport. When you can lock a bedroom door, get a girl you admire or care for on her back, underneath you, and have hours to explore …
That’s the good part. And when I get that, there is nothing vanilla about me.
“I’ve got my eyes on someone.” I smirk.
They don’t need to know I’ve royally fucked up the Taya situation because I hope to remedy it. I don’t know when I made the switch from being freaked out about potentially dating a Webton girl, and one who wrote so candidly about my last name in her time capsule letter, but I’ve switched. That little basketball competition was the slowest round of foreplay I’ve ever had, and I’ve jacked off the last two nights since just thinking about touching Taya’s elbow. Her fucking elbow.
I don’t know, either, what was running through my head the other night when I taunted her so much. Maybe I wanted her to crack, but the way she did had left me alone outside on the driveway. I’ve been trying to make amends or just talk about the letter or what’s going on between us. I’m not the type of guy who wants bad blood out in the world, and I feel guilty, strange, weird about the elephant sitting on the roof of our house. It’s clear she doesn’t want to talk about it, so I thought the game of HORSE would be a good icebreaker. Though it seems to have added more baggage to our pile.
“His roommate.” Gio chuckles in the direction of the other guys. “But hey, she’s a fucking dime.”
“Don’t call her that.” I scowl at him.
“Why is that bad?” Brian gives me an eye roll. “He’s calling her a ten, you should be happy about that.”
“Because I know what he does. No sniffing around Taya.” I wag a finger at him.
“Isn’t that her? Because you may want to tell that guy the same thing.” Evan points across the quad, and sure enough, Taya is sitting on the grass with another guy.
They’re laughing, and she touches his arm.
My blood goes from stagnant to a simmer. I’ve never been the jealous type; hell, I’ve barely been the type to want to date a girl. I’ve had a month’s-long relationship here or there, but I’ve never told anyone I love them. It’s never been that serious for me.
Yet here is this girl who defies everything I’ve said I want in a real relationship, and I’m sure my cheeks are green with jealousy as she sits on the grass with another guy.
Without another word to the guys, I cross the quad, coming to stand in front of where they’re sitting. The guy is smaller than I am, dark-haired, with thick-rimmed black glasses, and I try to reach my full height by rolling my shoulders back and puffing out my chest. I’ve never been this guy, but she won’t even give me the time of day anymore, and he’s sitting here eating … cookies with her?
Chocolate chip cookies lay in a Tupperware on her backpack, and their laptops are sitting idly on the lawn.
“Taya, hey.” I smile down at her.
She blinks up, the sun in her eyes, and shields them with her hands so I can’t quite make out her expression.
“Au-Austin … hey,” she stutters, surprised to see me.
The guy sitting with her doesn’t say anything, just blinks at me through his glasses, and then looks to Taya.
I extend my hand. “I’m Austin, Taya’s—”
“Roommate. He’s my roommate.” The words rush out of her mouth.
What the hell? Did she think I was going to be a metaphorical dog and piss all over my territory by calling her my girl or something? Wait, hadn’t the thought crossed my mind, though?
“Can I talk to you?” My head cocks to the side, and my voice takes on a pitch of annoyance.
Like I’m frustrated that she’s sitting here laughing with him and won’t even let me play basketball with her. Shit, I’m a fucking schoolyard little boy right now.