So I steer the conversation to our meal. “Okay, so we’ll do a baked brie, fig jam, apple tart kind of thing for our appetizer. And then for the main course, I thought we could make a seafood lasagna. I found a fresh pasta stand, and that guy over there has really delicious looking fish. It’s a bit different, but I think we could kill it. Yeah?”
Since I’m the one who can actually decently cook out of the three of us, my best friends just nod and follow my lead. We’re walking through the market, which is packed on a Saturday afternoon, and I see a familiar sandy blond scalp towering over the crowd.
“We’re going to beat you.” Amelie sticks out her tongue at Austin as he approaches.
I swear, every time I see this man, he steals my breath. He’s just too damn gorgeous for human consumption, and I have to take him in in pieces.
But before I can digest the whole picture of the demi-god before me, he swoops in and plants a kiss on my lips. In public, in front of my friends. We haven’t had the exclusive talk, but I feel like it’s unneeded. Where the hell else would this boy be the six hours of the week we’re not in each other’s beds, having sex?
“Isn’t this fraternizing with the enemy?” I smirk but wrap the arm not holding my basket of food items around his waist.
“I called a timeout. It was needed. I think, also, that we need to place a bet on tonight’s competition.” Austin leans in, whispering in my ear, “Loser has to undress the winner with their teeth.”
“And that’s a punishment how?” I grin, everything south of my waist tingling.
When I look around, I see Bevan and Amelie have ditched us, and so Austin and I start to explore by ourselves. Technically, we’re supposed to be with our teams, but it’s all for fun, and I have the most fun when I’m with him.
I glance up at him, and his brows are furrowed.
“You seem preoccupied.” Not just today, but this week.
We walk side by side, ducking into the odd stall, looking at necklaces or investigating shampoos made from hemp oil.
“I had my interview for that position in New York. It was yesterday.” He doesn’t elaborate.
“You didn’t say.” I put it simply, knowing he doesn’t want me to bounce up and down like an excited puppy.
I’ve learned, over the past weeks, that Austin is in deep with this huge mental dilemma about what to do when it comes to his future. I try to just listen, because he seems so conflicted about what to do.
“It went pretty well. They seemed impressed that I ran the station here. And I gave them good examples of my all-time favorite broadcasters. But part of me can’t help but hope I don’t get it.”
“So you don’t have to explain it to your family.” I nod, knowing where this is headed.
“Every time I think about telling them, I freak out in my own head.” He shakes it as if the panic is already starting up there. “At the same time, I can’t imagine going back to Webton. That’s the God’s honest truth. I hate it there.”
I’m not a huge fan of our hometown, and I probably wasn’t going to live there after college, but his disdain is on another level.
“Why, though? I mean, I know more about you now. About your family. But compared to a lot of other people, you had it good. Money, popularity, anything you could want. Yes, you have to put up with their bullshit, but you have something waiting for you. People who actually want you around, who want you to stand for them and for the family.”
I could understand his hesitancy, especially if they wouldn’t let him go into radio. But part of me would kill for a family who had expectations of me. Who wanted me to come back and carry their legacy. To my parents and sister, I’m a nobody. Nothing is expected of me, and no one really cares if I hang around. In a way, I crave the pressure Austin has.
“Everywhere I went, every time someone talked to me, it was always about my last name. What mystery it carried, what I could give them. I was so sick of the attention that I wanted to hide under a rock and never come out. I can’t imagine ever embracing that. I can’t imagine living that day in and day out, and having to compete with my family to do so. I don’t want some wife who only craves the Van Hewitt name, I can’t imagine bragging about my kids like a snob at the same soccer games my dad bragged about me at.”
I shrug and give him a small smile. “I get it. I do. But, it’s clear that you’ve never experienced the reverse of that.”
I don’t mean to make it about me, but Austin doesn’t quite see that the problems he has? They’re not really problems.
He inches closer to me. “That’s why you hide yourself? Why you’re okay in the background?”
Damn, how did he realize I do that? I’m not one to call attention to myself, and I generally hang back in the thick of a crowd. But I always thought I was decent at blending in. Apparently, to the right person, everything you do will be noticed.
“I didn’t think anyone noticed that.” I cast my eyes down.
“Fuck, I feel like such a prick. How did I ever overlook you?” His words are hushed, and there he goes again, stealing my breath. “I notice everything you do. Well, now. I notice now. I’m sorry, Taya. I’m sorry I was a selfish high school kid in my own head. I can’t believe I ever passed up the chance …”
The desperation to make me understand is apparent in his voice, and I see it. I do. I don’t blame him for anything, not anymore. The letter scandal seems years behind us.
“You get pretty good at being invisible when no one wants to see you. I spent years sitting on a bench, watching my parents pour all of their love and energy into my sister. I’m good at blending into the background. But it’s nice to be seen.”
My cheeks heat, and I have to say the next words, even if they’re a little cheesy and embarrassing. But I don’t want to hold anything back from him.
“The only person I want to be seen by is you. When you look at me, it’s like …” I break off, too overwhelmed to put the feeling into words.
Austin reaches for me and presses his forehead to mine. “I know. I know. Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy.”
He’s not really saying anything, and neither am I. Yet, we understand each other on a cellular level. Maybe I knew how strong our connection would be all the way back when I wrote that time capsule letter. There is this click in me whenever I see him or when I saw him back then. I kind of just knew. And now that we’re actually together, it does feel crazy how big this whole thing feels.
“This is a bit intense for the farmer’s market, isn’t it?” I chuckle but don’t move.
Neither does he, and we’re standing at the exit to the wooden pavilion, Cayuga Lake sparkling in the distance. The rolling hills melt down to the crystalline water, and it goes for miles, until you can only see waves and horizon.
“You know I’m going to kick your culinary ass, right?” As Austin says it, he lightly smacks my butt.
His aim has the desired effect, sending tingles through my core, and I have to hide the shiver running up my spine in the name of competitive game face.
“We’ll see about that. I think you might be the one undressing me with your teeth.” Pushing away, I swing my hips and look back at him as I walk off.