“I’m always going to be this weak abomination that other vampires want dead. I’m always going to be a liability. What if I’m effectively immortal? Am I going to be locked away in this compound for hundreds or thousands of years? What’s the point of living that way? What’s the point of living at all?”
She wondered if she’d be stronger if she drank something stronger. Perhaps therian or guardian or magic user. But therians were well-hidden these days, and her father didn’t have the power to capture one against their will for her feeding needs anymore. Guardians, too, had deserted. Ever since the link between heaven and earth had been severed, the fallen angels no longer feared retribution from heavenly spies for banding together. So they had.
They still guarded and took odd jobs in the preternatural world, but they only did exactly what they wanted, and their price was always high. And they absolutely refused to work for her father for any reason or price even if he had it.
Her father used to have an army of guardians that watched over her and her mother. But after the link was severed and after the war, they’d deserted, no longer fearing the king’s retribution. Nobody could get fangs into a guardian without their permission, anyway.
That left magic users, but nearly all of them had stuck with their own kind—other humans—and now lived in the well-guarded human cities, ruling over the normals with their enhanced powers. The few magic users nearby all had mates, and Sydney highly doubted their mates would appreciate some weakling half-breed feeding on them.
Humans were all that was available, not that she didn’t enjoy drinking from Jacob. He tasted like home and comfort—or what she imagined home might be for a normal person in another time. Not this cold, sterile compound she was kept in like some lab animal.
“I’d be really upset if you weren’t here.” Jacob’s hand was on her shoulder. God, he was so nice, so… everything… except that he didn’t make her feel that thing she thought she was supposed to feel for a man she was sleeping with.
Yeah, she was sleeping with him. If she was to be locked up like a princess in a tower, she hadn’t been about to be a permanent virgin. And it wasn’t as if her overprotective father would allow anyone else near her for a proper romance to bloom. One took what one could get.
She swiped at a tear as it escaped down her cheek. “You know I don’t love you.”
He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I don’t care. It’s enough just being here with you.”
“It’s okay with you that you live with vampires? That you lost your human family? That you’re my dinner and after-dinner amusement? Really? That’s okay with you? Because it isn’t okay with me. I’m getting out of here. This is nonsense. I should have left a long time ago.” She went to her closet and started tossing clothing out behind her. Jacob sat immobile as pants and tops landed on him.
“You’ll die out there, Syd.”
She rounded on him. “Then maybe I should die. Maybe it’s not natural for something so weak to live at all. I wouldn’t be a stress or burden on my parents, anymore. They’d get over it. They’re immortal! I wouldn’t be a prisoner. I’d be… free.”
But would she? She’d heard the stories about heaven. The idea of going there, being in another sterile prison, scared her almost more than her current situation, but something had to change. She couldn’t go on this way.
“Where will you go?” Jacob asked.
He was only humoring her. She couldn’t even read minds like a normal vampire, and even she knew that. He was treating her like a child, just like her father—like some recalcitrant toddler proclaiming they were running away.
“I don’t know. I don’t care. Do you know I’ve never been outside these walls without guards? And even then I’ve never been more than a few blocks away. I don’t even know what all of Cary Town looks like! I want to see something worth seeing.”
“It’s not like I get to wander much, either. Come here. You’re just hungry. You need to feed.”
Jacob pulled her into his arms, and she allowed herself to melt into his warmth as he pressed her mouth against his throat. She hesitated, just breathing in his warm, clean, human scent. Dinner.
Her fangs emerged, and she bit down.
Jacob let out a hiss of pain as his muscles clenched against her bite. She wasn’t even strong enough to hypnotize him into not feeling the pain. Not that a vampire could get into the head of someone else’s claimed mate, anyway. She was sure when Elise fed, it didn’t hurt him because of their link.
Sydney closed her eyes and pushed the thoughts away, pushed everything away but the taste of him. He patiently held her in arms that felt strong to her because she only had human strength herself.
“That’s it. Just drink. It won’t seem so bad after you’ve fed,” he said as he petted her hair.
Her hands strayed down his muscled back. She felt his erection pressing into her leg. She was moments from taking his pants off and removing her own clothes, but she caught herself in time and instead ran her tongue over the wound on his throat to get the last bits of blood. She couldn’t keep using him like this. Maybe feeding was necessary, but sleeping with him wasn’t, and she was only leading him on, only hurting him. That wasn’t who she wanted to be.
He healed, not from any healing power she had—she had none—but from Elise’s claiming bite.
Outside in the hallway, someone jiggled the doorknob.
“Go away, Dad! Do I interrupt you and mom when you…”
“It’s Elise.”
Sydney growled and went to the door. She turned the lock and flung it open. “What?”
Elise looked past her into the room. “I’m hungry. I need my mate, please.” She said it as if she were jealous, as if she had actual feelings for him. The claim would make her feel possessive, but Sydney knew the other vampire wasn’t in love, either.
Poor Jacob. Sydney had no doubt Elise was sleeping with him, too. He was being used by both of them, and he’d never be free. Jacob seemed less thrilled to feed Elise, but he followed her out of the room without comment, his concerned gaze going back to Sydney.
She mouthed the words, “I’m fine.”
He nodded, but she knew he didn’t believe her. She was such a bad liar.
When they’d left, she shut the door and locked it back then turned to the pile of clothes on the bed. She filled a duffel bag with what she thought she might need, then shoved it into the back of her closet. Would Jacob tell someone? Had he even taken her seriously? She’d made empty threats of running away before. But this time, it was different.
Sydney had reached her breaking point. She felt she might die in this cage. It was bad enough that she’d never seen sunlight and would never see it—not outside a movie or photograph, anyway. She had to get out there into the world. The bag was abandoned in the closet. She needed to know where everybody was before she made her escape.
She’d need to find resting spots during the day to shield her from the sun. If she picked wrong, she might not wake up. No, that wasn’t true. She’d wake up in heaven. And no matter what they’d said about the place, it couldn’t be any worse than here. Almost nothing could be worse than here.