And then it started, and moved around the table. One comment after another.
“The town needs a good doctor.”
“It’s been three years since Doc Parmalee retired. Poor folks around here don’t have decent medical care.”
“Most won’t take the trip into Tulsa. Injuries, illnesses, even well baby care. It’s a shame, really.”
“Hard to get a doctor to want to live in a small community like this unless they’re from the area.”
With every word Valerie sank farther into her chair, hoping she’d become invisible.
“Valerie, what do you think about all this?”
She lifted her gaze to Lila. “About what?”
“About the sad state of our community having no doctor.”
She grabbed her glass of milk and took several gulps. “I think it sucks.”
“You could fix that, you know.”
Her shoulders tightened at Mason’s words. She snapped her gaze to his. “I’m not the solution to the problem.”
Mason didn’t seem at all bothered by her glare; instead he slung his arm over the back of his chair and stretched out his legs. “You could be, if you just thought about it. What it would mean to you, to your family and to your community.”
“You’d make an incredible doctor for the people of this area, Valerie,” Lila said with a giant smile.
“It’s what Mom and Dad would have wanted for you,” Jolene said, nodding.
Valerie shot up out of her chair, pushing it back with her legs. “No. Absolutely not. Look. I have a life. A carefully orchestrated plan that’s about to see pay dirt. I worked my butt off in school to get to this point. Besides, I have a brand-new job. I’m committed. In Dallas. I’ve agreed to a partnership with a great group of doctors. I’m going to make incredible money.”
Even as she said it, the words sounded hollow, narcissistic, selfish. Her stomach hurt.
But dammit, she wouldn’t be deterred.
“I’m not a ranch doctor. I’m not a small town doctor. I know what I want to do with my life, where I’m going.” She looked at Mason. “It’s not here.”
It’s not with you.
Mason just continued to give her that smile, the one that made her want to march over to his chair, kick it out from under him and then pummel him until her frustration with him—with this entire situation—went away.
“Everything you need is here, Valerie,” he said.
Emotion welled up and she didn’t know whether she wanted to crumple in his arms or punch his lights out. Her voice wavered as she stuttered out the words. “I can’t do this, Mason. I can’t be who you want me to be. I can’t lo . . .”
She’d almost said that she couldn’t love him, but stopped before she embarrassed herself further in front of everyone.
“I just can’t.” She turned to Lila. “Excuse me, Lila.” She turned and left the room, hightailing it two steps at a time up the stairs. She shut the door to her room and sat on the bed, her heart pounding so hard she felt light-headed. She bent over, folded her hands together and willed the shakes away.
Coming home had been an epic mistake. She’d known it, and yet she’d stupidly done it anyway. She had known something bad would happen. It always did whenever she came home. This place was filled with nothing but bad memories and failures. Her parents’ death, the failure of her marriage, and now her inability to help the people of her community.
She hadn’t been able to save her parents or her marriage. Now she couldn’t save the people of her town.
But dammit, she’d enjoyed tending to the people, enjoyed seeing the smile on the craggy faces of the elderly folks, enjoyed wiping off toddlers’ sticky fingers, enjoyed listening to the fetal heartbeats and excited faces of expectant parents. The thought of any of them not getting appropriate medical care . . .
She wrapped her arms around her middle, as if the very act could squeeze the ache away.
It wasn’t her responsibility. None of it. She didn’t have the capacity to love all those people.
She’d loved her parents so much, and that love hadn’t been able to keep them with her. She’d loved Mason, too.
She still loved Mason. And oh, God, it hurt to love him. She could never be what he wanted her to be. She refused to stay here and he’d never be happy in Dallas. She couldn’t live in this house, in this town, with its choking memories of love and loss.
And the people of the town? They’d just have to find a doctor willing to settle in the middle of nowhere and tend to them. It wasn’t going to be her.
She had to get out of here. The ranch ran just fine without her input, and would continue to do so. Jolene and Mason had it all under control, and she’d stayed here long enough.
Too long.
She went to the closet and dragged out her suitcases, then started packing.
“What are you doing?”
Valerie figured it wouldn’t take long for Jolene to barge her way in and stick her nose in Valerie’s business. “I’m leaving.”
Jolene took a seat on Valerie’s bed. Brea was right behind her and took a seat, too. “Why?” Brea asked.
She paused and lifted her gaze to her sisters. “Because I can’t be who and what everyone expects me to be here. I can’t be a ranch owner, a doctor . . .”
“And Mason’s wife?” Jolene asked.
A few seconds ticked off before she answered. She didn’t want to talk about this, but she knew Jo wouldn’t leave it alone. “Yes.”
“You were always the strongest of all of us, Val. You held it together when Mom and Dad died, took care of Brea and me, held us when we cried at night. We’d have never made it through those dark years without our big sister.”
Valerie fought back tears remembering what it was like back then. Three young girls who’d had their lives shattered in the blink of an eye. “We relied on each other. You two helped me through it, too.”
Brea shook her head. “No, Valerie. Jo is right. It was you who was the strong one, the one who made us get up every day and put one foot in front of the other. You were the one who told us life moves on for the survivors even when those we love die.”
She couldn’t remember saying that.
“And now here you are, running like a coward instead of facing the truth.”
Valerie snapped her gaze to Jolene. “This isn’t the same thing. And I’m not running. It’s time for me to go. I have things to do in Dallas to prepare for my new job.”
“You promised to stay here a month.”
Valerie shrugged. “I just . . . can’t.”
“Because of Mason,” Brea said. “Because you still love him and you can’t face it.”
She slammed the lid on her suitcase and glared at Brea. “No. Not because of Mason. I don’t love him. We’re over.”
Jolene laughed. “Please. It’s so obvious to everyone here how you feel about him. And how he feels about you. But at least he isn’t running away instead of facing his feelings.”
This was pointless. Arguing with her sisters had never gotten any of them anywhere. She zipped up her second suitcase and reached for her purse, then hauled both suitcases down the stairs, Brea and Jolene on her heels.