I explained to him quickly about the plan for us to spend the summer at the beach house, helping get it shipshape and ready to sell, being there for the contractors and whoever the hell else needed to come by.
It wasn’t that I’d planned to tell him when he only had a couple of minutes before his Uber arrived and he had to go, but I would’ve been lying if I said that wasn’t extremely convenient.
“The whole summer?”
“Well, just till the house sells. And obviously I can come back here to help out with Brad and babysit, and go buy milk and run Brad to soccer practice. Please, Dad? I really need this summer with Lee, especially if I’m going to end up at Harvard.”
It was a dirty trick and he knew it, but that didn’t make it any less effective.
Dad sighed. “If I hear one inkling of trouble or crazy parties or—”
“Cross my heart. We’ll be good.”
“Brad’s got soccer practice—”
“Thursdays and Mondays, I know. And you’ve got that conference coming up, and probably more dates with Linda. I know, Dad.”
It wasn’t like I hadn’t been doing this for the last few years already.
Dad’s cell pinged loudly and a car drew up outside. He smiled indulgently at me before sighing again and hugging me. “You get to stay at the beach house as long as I can count on you. Deal?”
“Deal. Deal, I swear. Thanks, Dad. You’re the best.”
I waited on the doorstep to wave him off on his not-first date. When I got back inside and locked the door, I turned around to find Brad lurking in the hallway.
“What’s that about Harvard?”
Once Brad had been sworn to secrecy, and after we’d had dinner and sat down with a movie, I could tune out and spend a couple of hours mulling over what to do about college. I hated this pressure of having to choose—the sooner I made that call, the sooner this was all going to be over with.
On the one hand, there was Berkeley. My mom’s alma mater, the college I’d always had my heart set on, the one close to home…the college I’d always planned to go to with Lee. Whenever I’d pictured college, it had involved Lee. We’d spent our entire lives together; I’d never expected this next chapter to be any different.
On the other hand…
Oh, man, I couldn’t forget that look on my dad’s face when he found out I’d actually gotten into Harvard.
I remembered sitting on a hilltop with Noah last year, when he was trying to make the same decision about whether to accept his offer. We’d gone out to his favorite spot to talk about everything, and our relationship, and I’d told him he’d be crazy to give up an opportunity like that.
Why was it so much harder to convince myself of that?
I had really liked Boston when I’d been there over spring break….
Maybe it was awful, but I’d never really even looked into the program at Berkeley. I’d never felt like I needed to. So right now, balancing it up with Harvard, which I’d actually spent some time researching, it mostly just boiled down to…
Well, Lee.
And as much as I loved my best friend, he couldn’t be the reason I chose a college.
The thought hit me like a truck. And in that moment, I realized I’d made my decision.
Chapter Nine
As I walked up to the front door of the Flynn house the next day, I felt incredibly queasy. I’d almost turned around, like, thirty times on the walk over.
I loved the Flynn house. I’d spent a lot of time here over the years; Lee and I were so close that it was practically a second home to me. I even had my own toothbrush in the bathroom. It was way fancier than my house; it even had its own pool. Even though that had made me just a little uncomfortable from time to time, it was still familiar, and I knew it as well as I knew my own home. But right now, it loomed large. Even the flowerbeds that June had recently had put in on either side of the path up the front lawn felt like they were closing in on me.
I could do this.
Lee would understand. He had to.
As for Noah…well, he’d been the one talking about how we could’ve gotten an apartment together, right?
I sighed. Who was I kidding? It wasn’t Noah I was worried about telling.
Now that I was finally standing in front of the door, I gripped the handle and steeled myself. I could do this. It wasn’t like I’d kept a secret…not like that time I’d been dating Noah behind Lee’s back. It was just…a recent development. A surprise. And Lee would understand this was a decision I’d had to make on my own.
I just hoped he would understand it wasn’t about me picking Noah over him.
I tried the door; as expected, it was open.
“It’s just me,” I yelled into the house. My voice echoed off the walls. Unlike the compact and joyfully messy beach house, this house was huge. A sprawling maze of rooms, one after the other, all clean lines and sharp corners and not a fleck of dust (or grain of sand) in sight. From the entryway, I could see all the way down the hallway, through the open-plan kitchen to the glass doors leading outside to the backyard and the pool.
“Elle! Hey.” Noah popped up in the kitchen doorway, a mustard-smeared knife in his hand. “I didn’t know you were coming over. Or are you looking for Lee?”
“Both of you, actually,” I mumbled, heading over to him. Noah went back to making his sandwich. I shook my head for a moment at the mere sight of it. Noah and Lee always made the biggest sandwiches, and this was one of the most impressive I’d seen. It had to be at least four inches tall.
Noah caught me looking and smirked. “What? We had leftover beef.”
“Yeah, and everything else.” I squinted at the sandwich. Spinach, tomatoes, and turkey, too, by the looks of it. “That could feed a village.”
Noah scrunched his nose up. “What, of My Little Ponies? You want some?”
I shook my head. I didn’t think I could stomach anything right now, but I also wouldn’t have been surprised if I took a bite and found anchovies or pineapple or something else totally wrong in there.
“So what’s up?” he asked, grabbing the sandwich with both hands and wolfing down a huge bite. Unlike Lee, he chewed and swallowed before speaking again. “Or were you just missing me?”
I wrung my hands.
“I have to talk to you about something.”
Noah paused, the sandwich halfway to his mouth. He set it back down slowly, eyebrows drawing together and forehead puckering. Those gorgeous, electric blue eyes pierced right through me as they searched mine, trying to understand.