“You want another drink?” Teddy hops up from the couch, picking up trash that’s piled on the table.
“Sure.” I pass him my empty can of Coke.
With the show paused for the moment, I stand up and stretch my legs. I figured with it being Friday night, Teddy would want to make an appearance at a party or Harvey’s, but he said he was worn out from school and practice all week and just wanted to chill for the evening and asked if I wanted to hang out and continue with our watch of Beverly Hills, 90210. He won’t admit it, but he’s obsessed.
When I turn around to face the kitchen area, Teddy is standing there with orange juice and another can of soda for me.
“You’re beautiful.”
“Huh?” His statement catches me off guard, seeming so out of the blue.
“You’re beautiful,” he repeats, like he feels it needs to be said again.
I look down at my worn sweatpants and oversized t-shirt with a Georgia peach on the breast pocket. My hair is up in a messy bun, there’s not a lick of makeup on my face. I am the poster girl of IDGAF.
“Seriously?” I’m completely stupefied. Teddy sets down the drinks on the counter. His eyes flare as he crosses the short distance between us. “Teddy?”
He cups my face in his hands and kisses me. I’m surprised at first, not having expected it.
I’m even more shocked by the fact that we’ve shared more intimate, real kisses than ones put on for show.
Hands still tenderly cupping my face, he glides his lips over to my ear sending a shiver down my spine in the process. “When will you realize that you are the most captivating woman I’ve ever laid eyes on?”
I swallow, a lump suddenly blocking my throat. “You can’t say things like that.”
“Why the hell not?” He’s not angry, instead amused.
“Because we’re not a couple.”
He presses a kiss to the shell of my ear. “I want us to be.”
I stiffen in his arms. “That’s not what this is.”
His eyes narrow. “But it could be.”
“But it’s not.” I step back, putting some distance between us. I can’t think clearly when he’s right there. I wrap my arms around myself like some sort of mockery of a security blanket. “I know what this is and what’s it’s not—and it’s not a relationship, Teddy. It’s a transaction. You paid for my school and now I’m doing you a favor. That’s it.” Hurt flashes in his eyes, and my stomach rolls. I don’t mean to hurt him, but it’s the truth. Yes, I’m attracted to him, way more than I’d like to be, but we wouldn’t be anything if I wasn’t here to play a part, so that’s what I’m going to do. He only wants me because I’m around all the time—so that’s what I tell him. “You wouldn’t be interested in me if I wasn’t here. I’m accessible. Easy.”
His nostrils flare. “That’s what you think? Jesus, Van. It’s like you don’t know me at all.” He runs his fingers angrily through his hair, mussing it. “Yes, I never noticed you before, and I’m sorry for that. I had a stick up my ass, and I was shitting my life away being a goddamn playboy for no good reason other than that’s all I thought I was worth. I realize now I’m more than that, fuck you’ve helped me realize that.”
“I don’t know where the lines got blurred between us, but they have been for a while, and I think it’s time that I remind us both of them before I get hurt.”
He laughs incredulously. “Before you get hurt?” He waves a hand between us. “Right now, it looks like I’m the one being hurt.”
I shake my head. “Like I said, we both know you wouldn’t be interested in me like this if I wasn’t here. It’s just a fact. We run in different circles and are from two very different backgrounds. Our lives should’ve never intersected. It was pure happenstance that it did.”
His jaw ticks, but he doesn’t get a chance to say anything because the bathroom door opens and Jude steps out, freshly showered and wearing a pair of low hanging basketball shorts.
“Oh, good, you paused it.” He walks past me, giving me a chin dip in greeting. “I want popcorn, what about you guys?” He shuffles past Teddy, rummaging through a cabinet. Turning back with a box in hand, he gives us a funny look. “Were you guys fighting?”
“No!” We shout simultaneously.
Teddy picks up the drinks and passes me the Coke.
Taking a steadying breath, I paste my game face on and take my place on the couch beside him.
A few minutes later Jude joins us, sitting on the floor with his back against the couch. The show is back on, but I can’t pay attention—not when Teddy’s body is coiled with tension beside me.
My words hurt him, but I didn’t mean to. Sometimes I need to learn to keep my big fat mouth closed.
Tentatively, I reach out with my pinky gently touching the tip against the side of his own finger. He doesn’t react at first, but then he loops our fingers together and I breathe a sigh of relief and allow my body to relax.
At some point I must drift off to sleep, because I’m only half-aware when I hear Teddy murmur, “No, I’ve got her.” He picks me up from the couch, and I must mumble something about being too heavy because his lips brush my cheek. “No, you’re not. You’re perfect.”
A moment later he places me on his bed and tugs the covers up to my chin. They smell of his woodsy scent, and I inhale it like an addict. Fuck, what’s wrong with me.
He pulls away, and I reach out lightning fast, grabbing his wrist. His skin is warm, the hair scattered across his arm rough against my palm.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I don’t know what’s made my tongue so loose, like I downed a truth serum, but there’s been no alcohol involved. He crouches down in front of me, so we’re eye level, extracting his wrist from my hold. He glides the tips of his fingers over the curve of my cheek.
“I’m a big boy, Van.” His eyes dart to my lips and then away. “My feelings may be hurt, but I’ll get over it.”
“We’re not right for each other. You see that too … don’t you?”
He stands up, gazing down at me with an intensity that sends a shiver down my spine.
“No,” he says simply and walks out his bedroom door.
23
Teddy
I didn’t throw up at any point during my run with Mascen this morning, which I take as a win—even if it still feels like my lungs are on fire with every breath I take.
He didn’t push me to talk either, which I appreciated. That’s the great thing about Mascen. Dude hates talking, so even when he knows you’ve got a lot on your mind, he doesn’t push you to speak.
After the run, I went back to my dorm to get ready for this evening—aka another torturous dinner with my parents.
“You’re looking snazzy.” Jude looks up from his phone when I exit my room.
“Only the best for the ‘rents,” I mutter, making sure my belt is centered and my tie is knotted perfectly.
“Fuck, I’m glad my family isn’t like that.”