Guilt sat heavy in my chest at how I’d treated him earlier, and at the hospital. But I’d been so shocked to see him standing there, I hadn’t known what else to do. And after what Zander did to me… how could I look Matteo in the eye?
My eyes flicked over to the kitchen, snagging on the note pinned on the refrigerator. Even if I did text him, what the hell would I say?
I’d lied to him that night. Concealed the truth. And I’d do it again if it meant protecting myself.
With a small sigh, I switched off my cell and padded over to the kitchen. I needed to keep busy, which seemed almost impossible in a cabin in the middle of nowhere. But I’d spied a bookshelf full of books and a stack of puzzles, which was better than nothing.
Placing my cell on the counter, I switched on the coffee machine and went over to the puzzles, choosing one. A two-thousand-piece print of the New York skyline.
Satisfied with my choice, I made me and Luis a mug of coffee each and let him know it was ready.
By the time he came inside, I’d already moved to the coffee table and emptied out all the pieces.
“You like puzzles?” Luis asked, leaning back against the counter and sipping his coffee.
“I haven’t done a jigsaw puzzle since I was a child,” I admitted.
“Want a helping hand?”
“Sure, why not.”
Luis brought his coffee over and placed it on the floor out of harm’s way. “Okay, what have we got here.” He began sorting the pieces.
“Any idea on where we should start?”
“Outside pieces then build on those, preferably in sections.”
“Wow, I didn’t realize it was so complicated.” I chuckled, adding some outside pieces to his pile.
“I used to sit with my nonna and do puzzles. She loved them. But it’s been a long time since I did one for fun.”
“I’m not sure two-thousand pieces constitutes the word fun. But I figured it would keep my mind occupied.”
“You’ll be sucked in before you know it. Here you go, look.” He slotted a few pieces together like an old pro. “Now you have a point of reference.”
Luis stood and I frowned up at him. “What’s wrong?”
“You didn’t think I was going to do it for you, did you?” A faint smirk traced his mouth.
“Well, no, but a little help wouldn’t go amiss.”
“You’ll figure it out.” He winked and walked off.
Well then.
For the next forty minutes, I worked meticulously to sort the pieces into similar groups. Then I began matching them to the section Luis had completed. It was going to take me forever to finish it… if I ever did. But having a focus would be good for me.
Besides, I could kind of relate to the puzzle.
God, how pathetic, relating to a jigsaw puzzle.
I felt fractured though. Shattered into jagged pieces. It wasn’t any one thing that had led me to this point, it was an accumulation of events since my childhood.
But unlike this puzzle, which with time and patience I could fix…
I wasn’t sure anyone could ever fix me.
I woke with a start, drenched in sweat and clutching the crumpled bed sheets between my fingers.
“It’s just a dream,” I urged myself, willing my racing heart to calm down.
But it hadn’t been a dream at all.
It had been a nightmare.
Zander’s wolfish grin taunting me as he and his business associates circled me like predators hunting their prey. No matter how hard I ran, how fast I pumped my legs, I couldn’t outrun them. And then their laughter had morphed into voices I’d spent years trying to forget.
A violent shudder rolled through me as I leaned over and snatched my shiny new cell phone off the nightstand and checked the time.
A little after one.
It was going to be a long night.
Luis was down the hall in one of the other guest rooms. For a moment, I’d thought he was going to sleep out in his SUV which was completely unacceptable.
I’d made us both spaghetti and we had eaten in uncomfortable silence. He didn’t pry or push me to talk, and I didn’t really know what to say to him. I’d quickly excused myself after dinner and retreated to my room.
Pushing back the covers, I climbed out of bed and wandered quietly into the kitchen. I needed a glass of water to temper the lingering fear of my nightmare.
The cabin was steeped in silence, only the silvery hue of moonlight guiding my way. I helped myself to a bottle of water from the refrigerator, my eyes catching on the note pinned there.
Matteo’s number.
His words replayed through my mind.
If you need anything, any time, night or day, you can call me.
It was a bad idea, the worst. But it wasn’t like I could text Arianne or wake Luis. I barely knew them.
You barely know him.
But I did know him. Or at least, I had known him for one amazing night. And there was something about the way he’d pushed to talk to me… something a small, broken part of me had latched onto.
It was dangerous territory though.
If I gave him the wrong idea…
Before I could stop myself, I tore the note off the refrigerator and hurried back to my bedroom. It practically burned a hole in my hand and the second I was in the safety of my bedroom, I dropped the note on the bed, staring at it.
“Oh for God’s sake, Cait, it’s just his number,” I murmured to myself.
It represented so much more than just his number though.
If I texted or called him, I would be crossing a line I might not be able to come back from.
But being here, alone with my thoughts wasn’t as easy as it sounded.
Burrowing back under the sheets, I clutched my cell phone in my hand. Matteo knew me. He knew the intimate parts of my body, my freckles and blemishes; he’d mapped the curves of my skin with his hands and lips.
But he didn’t know me.
Not really.
I’d given him a piece of me that night, but she was barely a figment of my imagination—the girl I wanted to be if things were different. The girl I could have become if I’d had a normal childhood with normal, loving, supportive parents.
But I didn’t have any of those things.
I had a past full of pain and disappointment and heartache. A past that had shaped me into nothing more than a survivor, clinging onto hope, knowing that she was probably never going to escape the ghosts that haunted her.
Punching in Matteo’s number, I hit call… and then realized what a foolish mistake I’d made.
He didn’t really want me to call him at any hour. He was probably just being polite, offering me an olive branch seeing as we had some shared history.
It started to ring, but before he could answer, I hung up, throwing my phone across the bed.
What the hell was I thinking?
Hopefully he was asleep and wouldn’t see the missed call until—
My phone began to vibrate.
“Shit, shit.” I snatched it back up and stared at Matteo’s number flashing across the screen.
Dragging my bottom lip between my teeth, I waited for it to stop. It did, and relief sank into me. But a couple of seconds later, it vibrated with an incoming text.
I almost didn’t open it, but curiosity got the better of me.
Caitlin?